People With Self-Esteem Issues: How Can They Nurture And Love Themselves?

Self-Esteem Issues

People With Self-Esteem Issues: How Can They Nurture And Love Themselves?

Case Study

One of my clients who inspite of being highly educated, was lacking self-confidence. She thought that she was not good looking and presentable. She felt that her husband does not love her. She did not feel like going to her high-profile job, could not value her education, skills and knowingly or unknowingly she was devaluing herself. She would not want to socialize and escape herself from social interactions and conversations.

Discovering The DNA

During the life coach sessions, I discovered that a comment by someone that, “no matter how much she might try, her looks will remain same” somewhere was deeply ingrained on her mind. The person was one of her relative, this happened when she was getting ready for a wedding. This incident left an unforgettable impression on her sub conscious mind that she is not good looking.

After six months of counselling sessions, based on the discovery sessions, dealing with childhood issues, she felt transformation by changing her negative coding into positive and empowering coding. Just imagine that we get most advanced LED television but the electrician does wrong wiring. How we will feel? Miserable and hopeless, right? Though little bit focussed effort on finding the cause and dealing with it, we will reap the benefit of great possession we have.

Rising From Ashes To Fly Like Phoenix

This was the time when she felt the need to prove herself in order to rise beyond the limitations of her mind with hard work and immense dedication. Her journey was like stripping off several layers of deposits on unused utensils that weren’t cleaned properly for so long. She awakened to her inner-beauty and strengthened her by acquiring training based on life coaching tools, now she is completely a different person. The transformation has surprised her all acquaintances surrounding her in the society.

Her case made me think that people with low self-esteem normally view themselves differently to what actually their potential and capabilities are.

Low self-esteem can be particularly very devastating for kids and youth especially when they start their phases like high school, college, University or work, getting into new friendships and relationships. When I joined an English medium high school, I would feel so low and worth less. I would find it difficult to even live life as I would feel that I am a misfit among all the convent educated people. I would come back home from hostel, I would hide behind door, cry to my heart’s content, thinking that I am stuck here and how will I sustain myself? I always thought that I am a hopeless case. Though, I always was a topper of my Hindi medium school.


The Causes and Significance of Self-Esteem

Though in my own case, the cause was my family environment, my mother’s depression and studying in Hindi medium school. But the causes of low self-esteem could also be unhappy families, too much conflicts, bad company, single parent, sexual abuse, discrimination, some complex…. Valid or invalid, wrong and unreasonable expectations of teachers or parents, bullying so on and so forth.

To grow healthy, learn skills, develop your personality, think independently, take right and timely decisions, deal with criticism in healthy way, make friends, display positive attitude and mature behaviour so that we can upkeep high self-esteem. If not dealt well in time, it might lead to serious issues like poor body image, sex abuse, drinking, drug addiction and easy money-making activities.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

  • Negative thoughts about their self-worth.
  • Not valuing one’s own abilities.
  • Avoiding social gatherings.
  • Feeling lonely and unloved.
  • Reacting to any critical remark.
  • Taking things personally.
  • Getting frustrated very easily.
  • Comparing oneself with everyone.
  • No friends around.
  • No initiative to upkeep positivity.
  • Giving up attitude.
  • Genuinely making no efforts.
  • Smile-less life.
  • Self -Doubting about every compliment that whether you deserve it or not.
  • Body language and gesture issues.

How to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

My Client Took Small Baby Steps to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Coach Mike Hays says, “Think of a long flight of stairs. Now visualize a shiny rather gargantuan gold trophy at the top. This is the victory, the goal which is the pinnacle of your chosen endeavour. When you reach the top step, you will just sit down next to that golden trophy and put your arms around it like its your best friend in the whole world.” The main point is to take that one step at a time towards that trophy and persevere till you reach to the top. She just remembered the staircase principle, which got engrained in her mind during coaching sessions. She just took the first step and never looked back. Sometimes we believe that our self-worth is in our looks, knowledge, degree, sex, money, and relationships but all in all self-love can’t be measured on the basis of such aspects.

Focus on the Medal, not the Wig

Andre Agassi, the former Wimbledon champion, a tennis legend, used to wear a lion mane-style wig during 1990s to hide his baldness, though people used to recognise him for his thick bond hair. The girls would feel crush on him for his great looks. He admitted in his book, his autobiography, “Open” that he lost the trophy in French Open Finals in 1990, his first in a Grand Slam tournament, because he struggled to stop his wig falling off rather than winning the match.

He shared,” A fiasco happened. The evening before the match, I stood under the shower and felt my wig suddenly fall apart. Probably I used the wrong hair rinse. I panicked and called my brother Philly into the room.”

“As I was panicked, he clamped it with hair clips.”

When asked, “Do you think it will hold?” Brother replied,” Just don’t move so much.”
“Of course I could have played without my hairpiece, but what would all the journalists have written if they knew that all the time I was really wearing a wig? During the warming up training before play I prayed. Not for victory, but that my hairpiece would not fall off. “
Asassi, eight times Grand Slams Winner, a greatest professional tennis player teaches few lessons for high self-esteem.

  1. Knowledge is power… Keep learning
  2. Confidence is the key… take a plunge
  3. Resist the urge to do big with a wig
  4. If you are in the war, you can not think of falling wig
  5. To realise What is big, crucial and important vis a vis small insignificant things in life.. match or wig.

Friends, I propose few questions for you to answer…

  1. Is life more valuable or opinion of others?
  2. Learning is more important or feeling low about the things you do not know.
  3. Winning is more important than losing.
  4. Determination to transform is more important than giving up.
  5. Creating your wonderful story is more important than hiding yourself.

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