How Parenting Counselling Can Help You To Win Win in Life?
There is one job that we must be guided for actively and trained for consciously and are never trained for at all is parenting! Most of our parents have told us that once you become a parent, parenting will come to you naturally.
“Have you ever seen an animal attend any counselling session to parent their kids?’ is the most common retort that family elders give, if you even mention professional guidance for parents.
The difference is that humans are many times over evolved emotionally and mentally than any animal. It is not just about safety, food and instincts with us.
Parenting is not an easy job, and they also agree with that. As parents we experience moments of doubt, anxiety and uncertainty. Doubts in our own abilities to understand and fulfil the needs of our children.
Anxiety about how they are going to turn out when they grow up or when they have gone for a school trip.
And uncertainty about how to balance the needs of all family members, without making the kids compromise for anything.
These negative emotions make us feel helpless and take us over when we face any resistance, argument or stubbornness from kids. For many parents it triggers a frantic and furious reaction resulting in shouting, scolding, taunting and in extreme cases physical punishment.
Parenting counselling by a certified counsellor can help you with these negative emotions and overcome the urge to behave irrationally.
In some cases, there may be a genuine gap in emotional needs and understanding between parents and child that can result in misunderstanding, freezing of communication and even lifelong grudges. With professional counselling for parents, such gaps can be found by them.
As parents it is our duty to teach our kids survival and growth skills, teach them to value discipline and manners, and help them to manage their moods or emotions. But it is easier said than done.
A child’s developmental, emotional, behavioural, or educational well-being and growth is as much important as her physical growth.
As Life Coach says about the main objective of parenting counselling – “good parenting will result in model citizens, and with bad parenting it becomes a matter of chance, which is mostly biased towards the flip side.”
Good Parenting – what is it?
Parenting does not mean to simply conceive and give birth to a child, take care of their physical needs like food & nutrition, shelter & clothing and a formal education.
It is much more than that – creating lifelong memories for you and your kids, inculcating human values in them, giving them the scientific and rational approach, making them inquisitive and giving answers to them, playing with them, listening to them and spending time with them.
Almost every parent receives countless suggestions on how to raise their children. Suggestions cover every aspect of parenting – ranging from health and safety to dietary and sleeping requirements, from their education and learning to how much they should play and with whom.
Parental guidance from life coaches and counsellors can help you separate the wheat from the chaff.
Suggestions that come from paediatricians, family members, friends, and even media sources may be extensive, but conflicting and can make the parents confused. Especially in matters of emotional and psychological development of the child.
Any parent, and especially the new parents get overwhelmed by this outburst of information. They are unsure of what is right or wrong, and what is the best suggestion to follow.
There four broad and general categories of parenting styles as recognized by experts:
- Neglectful – Parents simply don’t have the time or interest or both to spend with children. Parents are usually unfamiliar with their child’s teachers, friends and activities. They find that taking care of their kids’ needs is a bother. The parents are always focused on their own needs and comforts and don’t pay attention to what the child has to say or is feeling. This is the most damaging style of raising a child.
- Authoritarian – Just the opposite of a neglecting parent, an authoritarian parent is too watchful of their kids’ actions and behaviour. They are strict and demanding and set a very high bar for the child to get their affection, love and acceptance. They are not flexible and impose their wishes on the child and rely on punishments to ensure obedience. There is almost no open communication happening.
- Permissive – somewhere in between neglectful and authoritarian are permissive parents. They are loving, caring and supportive. But, too much! Such parents want to fulfil ‘all’ desires of their child and want to avoid conflicts at any cost. They never enforce even basic rules of household bribe children for any work. Too much pampering and cajoling makes these children feel entitled and brats.
- Authoritative – Generally considered to be the most effective form of parenting, authoritative parents are not authoritarian parents. They have high expectations of their kids and help them set their goals.
They have an understanding about the uniqueness of each child and their child’s limits. They communicate flexibly & openly and respect their children.
Every parenting style comes from a different mindset and knowing yours can help you resolve the conflict with your children better and in a healthy way.
With parental guidance and parenting counselling, you can identify your own style easily and help you overcome its limitations to improve your relations with your child.
Parental counselling, by a trained and certified counsellor, is a way to help parents navigate this maze and come out unscathed on the other side with a smile on their child’s face.
Parent counseling experts agree that there is no one and sure shot method of best parenting. As every child and its parents are unique humans with unique emotional makeup, their requirements are also unique and need a customized and bespoke solution.
As a good parent there are some basic expectations from you and some of your important responsibilities. These include:
- Keeping children safe
- Spending time with children and listening to them
- Giving them unconditional love and acceptance
- Providing order to develop acceptable behaviour
- Showing them by personal examples the benefits of consistency and reliability
- Setting and enforcing age-appropriate limits for them
- Being familiar with their company, at school and in locality
- Seek professional help for medical concerns of children
- Get parent counseling to address conflict situations with child
Parenting – The Most Challenging Job
It said with a good reason that “raising a child needs an entire village.” So, you can understand that in the modern nuclear families raising children can be a daunting and challenging task for most parents.
A mother with a new-born may have to stay at home all alone tending to the needs of the baby and also doing household chores.
Many fathers provide little to no support in any form – caring for the baby or helping with chores even when not at work. So, mothers may feel overworked and parenting to be “burdensome duty”. They implicitly start resenting their spouse and the partnership starts to strain.
Parenting is also very demanding physically and emotionally, especially when a child starts showing signs of behavioural issues. Parenting becomes more complex and challenging if your child has physical or mental disabilities or ailments.
Parents with more than one child also find it difficult to give equal attention to all their children and they try to compensate for it by getting them gadgets.
In case of separated or divorced parents or single parents, it becomes more difficult to give proper attention to all children equally.
Kids also take cues from the behaviour of their parents and inculcate tendencies to get aggressive or depressed.
Usual challenges parents daily face in raising their child are:
- Providing regular and reliable care
- Continually being alert and attending to the needs and demands of a young child
- Maintaining cordial and healthy marital relationships with children around
- Meeting increased financial commitments and expenses
- Fighting the everlasting feeling of “always out of time and breath”
- Scheduling household and office work to suit children’s requirements
- Lack of sleep and rest
- No personal time or time to spend with friends
The Parent-Child Conflict
Life coach and parenting counselling expert Ritu Singal says that “with my extensive work closely with parents and children, it is my belief that each parent already knows what is best for their child.”
When a therapist, in her parent counseling sessions, equips them with the tools, techniques and confidence to manage the emotional outbursts of the child, they become empowered, the family bond strengthens, and the child gets much needed help.
Parenting can, no doubt, be difficult and time-consuming, but it can be satisfying and fulfilling, if we work towards it.
Parents are responsible for not only a child’s needs, but they are also responsible for developing important life skills in them. Life skills such as patience, good behaviour, proper manners, punctuality and responsibility, discipline and other social skills.
Parents must also teach their children about sharing, caring and make them independent by teaching them how to do chores and other work.
Developing sibling affection and easing the tensions of a joint family are also important.
With so many demands and too much on the plate, the parents tend to feel stretched and spread too thin. This causes casual or, in some cases, frequent conflicts between parents and their children.
If it is only a few times a year, and only a difference of opinion, then it is normal and may be a little healthy too.
However, if your conflicts with your child are causing anxiety, stress and family discord, then it may time for you to seek professional guidance for parents.
The parent-child conflict is stressful and damaging for both, but more on the child, and it can be resolved with parent counseling from a licensed counsellor.
The following are some the common issues and reasons for conflict between parents and children, and counselling for parents may help:
- The child refuses to follow any instructions
- You are not sure how to talk to your child on sensitive matters like opposite gender and puberty
- You have trouble put into action routines for the children
- You are not able to know the emotions of your child
- There is an ongoing “power struggle” between spouses over whose writ is accepted by the child – tearing him or her between them
- You feel like you are being emotionally blackmailed by your child
- Any idea and strategy to make your child behave properly are not working
- The has become too demanding and even if his or her demands are delayed, it is making your life miserable with tantrums
- Addiction to mobile/computer games, or substances
A life coach can help you look objectively at your parenting style and analyse for you where you need improvements to achieve optimum development of the child. She/he can provide insights into the current dynamics of the relationship and areas that need work.
What is Parental Counselling?
Parenting counselling or therapy is a way to help you to help your child.
Because of the uniqueness, each client has its own specific treatment plan and counseling sessions are meant to provide you the support, tools and resources needed to evolve into the best parent possible.
You may have great understanding about what it takes to become a good parent, but that does not mean you will never have moments of doubt or anxiety. A “perfect parent” is a myth like unicorns or dragons.
Everyone makes mistakes, and parents with too many responsibilities have a perfect reason to do so. Therefore, parenting counselling can help you understand the gravity of such mistakes and prepares you to avoid them or to gather after them.
Parenting can be tough and can trigger or worsen your stress levels.
You can ask for parental counselling for yourself, your spouse, and your children, when you feel it is the right time.
Children adopt the ideas, values, views, beliefs, and behaviour of their parents. As a parent, you are always the first teacher of your child.
They look up to you to observe and learn what is appropriate behavior and what is not. Your child always observes your every action, spoken words and behaviour under different situations.
As children mimic their parents’ behaviors, it is imperative that parents’ behavior is always under critical observation.
Life Coach approach to Parenting Counselling
As a licensed Life Coach and an expert parental counsellor, Ritu Singal has dealt with a large number of parents and their kids. Generally, parents have limited time for themselves and therefore may opt for digital counselling.
Her counselling sessions are deep, open and objective for parents to open and discuss issues. They may feel to be a tightrope walk, especially when it comes to facing the reality about parenting.
As a life coach she has helped many parents and children, find their true potential and make the overall family environment fun-filled and exciting.
This kind of counselling becomes all the more important during personal/family crises or great upheavals at the workplace.
She maintains utmost privacy to safeguard the trust reposed in her. As a life coach and counsellor, she will not tell you what to do, instead she will help you find your problems and solutions within you.