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“A leader is one who knows how to make himself redundant.”

Leadership is integral to all organizations and movements- business, educational, political, cultural and others. Be an employee, marketing manager, director, teacher or a student, it doesn’t matter – anyone can be a leader. Leadership is actually not about the position you hold; rather, it is about your disposition. It’s also not about any title that you may have; rather, it’s what lies inside you that makes you a leader. Leadership skills are about inspiring and igniting passion and purpose in everyone you come across by enabling and empowering them to lead and transform their lives.

Effective leaders can communicate well, motivate their team, handle and delegate responsibilities, listen to feedback, and are flexible enough to solve problems in an ever-changing workplace. Quite often, employers seek these skills in the candidates they hire for leadership roles. Whether you’re starting out at an entry-level position and are looking to move up the career ladder or get a promotion, leadership skills will be among your most valuable assets.

If you run an organization, you learn leadership skills on the way as you juggle your staff, clients, suppliers and the red tape. In that sense you are already a leader. But what if you want to raise your leadership skills to the next level? As a practicing life coach, I get many such queries from many youngsters wanting to hone their leadership skills.  Here is some help in the form of tips to help you cultivate better leadership skills so that you can take your leadership to a whole new level:

 Leadership Capabilities

1. Initiative and responsibility

Of all the leadership capabilities an effective leader must have, this one should rank among the top ones.  Completing a task assigned to you fulfills your job description but leaders have to go beyond it. They try to constantly search for ways to simplify processes or improve the bottom line. They are willing to take up projects as they see the need for it and are willing to pitch in. Their proactivity shows others that they have the ability to lead others in times of need.

So, do not try to make excuses if you have mistakenly sent a sensitive email to the wrong people. Tender an apology straight away and do whatever it takes to fix the whole thing. Taking responsibility for doing something wrong proves your maturity and leadership acumen.

Remember, as a leader, the responsibility always falls on you. Of course, you cannot be made to bear the brunt of everything wrong with your organization. It’s important to make sure that you know who in your team takes care of which task, and what their results bring. It lets you to know who to turn to in case of a misstep or to congratulate someone on success.

Taking responsibility and following through on what you delegate shows your team that though you want everyone to work unitedly, you care for them and would like to push them to the best of their capabilities. Besides, it can also help reduce frustration among your team members as there they can no longer play the “blame game” as you know well exactly who’s doing what.

2. Welcome challenges and new learning

True leaders always welcome challenges, hardships and criticism. Embracing challenges makes one of greatest leadership capabilities as it shows a brave face in the face of adversities. It allows your staff to see that challenges are certain things to tackle to achieve the results you want.

Accepting criticism gracefully is another demonstration of bravery. If you are able to take constructive feedback and work on it to bring a positive change, you are on the right path to developing true leadership. Accepting challenges and turning them into growth opportunities shows your team that you have what it is needed in order to become a top-notch leader.

Additionally, it’s important that you identify the gaps in your knowledge (after all, no one is a know-all) and locate an expert to learn from them. Learning from others doesn’t show bad leadership, rather, it shows your keenness to learn new things and improve. So, always be willing to learn and grow to set a good example for your team members.

3. Direction and purpose

The purpose of our lives is to lead a life of purpose. Having a purpose gives a direction and momentum to you, a group or an organization. In short, if you don’t know where you want to go, you’ll never get there.

Among the qualities of effective leadership, this one takes the cake. A good leader always plans, prepares and performs all the tasks with a certain purpose and feels it their responsibility to ignite a purpose among the team members. People want to feel their task has a meaning and a purpose behind it. They love to know how their task contributes to organizational progress. Making an authoritative tone and withholding such information shows a weak leadership.

4. Always keep on learning

Whatever flows, remains fresh and flourishing, whatever stops, dies.

The folk wisdom in this quote is so eternal. Therefore, savvy professionals exploit all possible opportunities to gain new knowledge and skills. As technology transforms our society at a rapid pace, your company’s business, too, changes. To maintain marketability and your skills, try to find training and development opportunities in line with organizational goals.

Good leaders always try to be better than they are. They are open to learning from their team and others about their failures, successes and all else. To this end, they set up effective feedback systems find how they are doing. They are ready for training and consider learning their constant companion.

Developing leadership skills requires that you attend workshops, webinars, and certification programmes on the topics you’d like to know more about. With so many resources available online and offline, you will find no difficulties in building a better grasp of subjects that could make you a better manager.

Besides, reaching out to your team lets you learn from them. If you’re trying to manage an IT project with very little IT knowledge, sit in on their process and learn more about it. It also gives you a better idea of how your team manages time.

Besides, don’t just review the analytics. Try to actively get feedback from your team, vendors, and clients and find newer ways of enhancing the customer experience you can offer.

5. Be authentic

Great leaders are blessed with this gift of authenticity i.e. they are real i.e. they are who they are. People follow and support them because of what they are because they can cheat the entire world but not you.

So, in order to be a great leader, try to create an authentic picture of yourself in the eyes of people around you. Authentic leadership emanates from your being, self-awareness and transparency. Cultivate honesty and positivity to evoke the respect, credibility and respect so crucial to leadership.

6. It is NOT about YOU

The reason why you follow anyone is that you see something for yourself there – blogs, people or the lifestyles you follow. They always share or show things you need in your life.

Great leaders always keep track of their followers and team members by building a culture of inclusivity. They are “WE”-type than ME-type and devote their time, energy and resources to generate value for their team and the rest of the world around them.

This slight change from “WIIFM” (what is in it for ME) to “WIIFW” (what is in it for WE) allows you to work with greater intensity to come up as a great leader.

7. Effective communication

This one commands great attention among the qualities of effective leaders. We live amid great complexity and face an extreme information overload on a constant basis. And when information becomes too complex, people tend to gloss over it. Thus, as a leader, you have to navigate the complexity, look for meaning, and come out with a clear message.

This leadership skills has been given a very high level of importance. All great leaders, with some exceptions, have been great public speakers as effective communication enables you to  inform, motivate and convince your followers easily. So, try to invest time, energy and money in developing effective public speaking skills to impact positively those around you. The quality of leadership is in direct proportion to the quality of communication skills.

Effective leaders don’t deliver complex messages; rather, they distill their messages to make it reach their destination. Most effective politicians enjoys the knack of giving clear answers to complex questions. Make a message so brief and clear that anyone can understand it.  While writing email or reports, refine what you say and how you communicate it to maximize its impact.

As a leader, you need to clearly and succinctly explain to your employees everything from organizational goals to specific tasks. A leader needs to master communication – one-on-one, departmental, and full-staff conversations, as well as via the phone, email, video, chat, and social media. A leader has to establish a steady communication between themselves and their team members, either through an open-door policy or regular conversations.

A large part of it involves listening. Leaders should make themselves regularly available to discuss issues and concerns with employees. Some other skills related to communication are

Active listening                                       Clarity

Conciseness                                                   Correspondence

Explaining                                              Expression

Nonverbal communication                     Presentations

Public speaking                                      Body language

Written communication

Seek questions to ensure that they understand what you say. Hearing isn’t equal to understanding in many cases. Remember, people have different kinds of antennas. So, tune into their unique communication styles and adapt your message to reach them meaningfully.

8. Initiative

Effective leaders are willing to take initiatives to get the ball rolling on new projects and goals. Taking the initiative to bring about a positive change is a leadership essential. To make it truly happen, you have to gather the entire team to properly communicate and delegate tasks like a leader should.

You’d also like to tell your team that you really are committed to the goal you would like them to achieve. Creating task schedules and regular checks on projects not only shows that you care for them and are wholly involved, but also evokes respect and attentiveness from employees that leads to more enthusiasm, accountability and higher productivity.

In addition, successful leaders understand the significance of cultivating relationships and contacts. Therefore, they try to know their team members at a personal level and on social media by attending office parties, company picnics and social dos. With better social visibility, you can certainly improve your chances of getting recommended for promotions and new projects.

9. Solution Seeker and Provider

Followers discuss problems while leaders provide solutions.

A problem is a problem only to the extent that you see it as a problem. But the moment you examine a situation and find a solution, it becomes an opportunity for learning and growth. Great leaders see everything that they encounter as an opportunity to learn, serve and share. Remember, most great inventions have been made in this manner only. Thus, to become an effective leader, try to become a solution seeker in life, always.

10. Ability to act

Nothing ever works if YOU don’t.

A big divider between followers and leaders is- leaders take the desired actions instead of waiting for things to change. They possess the courage and foresight to try to take an initiative to bring about a change in themselves and among those around them. Anyone wanting to acquire great leadership skills has to cultivate the ability to act.

11. Negotiate

Most leaders hardly ever accept whatever they are offered as they know their real worth and don’t shy away from asking more with respect and tact. So, if you are looking at a salary hike, don’t demand or threaten; instead, try to explain why you deserve more – maybe your role has undergone a significant change or you’ve earned more job skills over time. And always try to offer facts and figures to bolster your case and make a strong point – sales numbers, leads, completion time, down time, new clients etc.

12. Motivation- Inspirational Leader’s Hallmark

An inspirational leader inspires others to go the extra mile for their organizations; paying a fair salary to employees is not enough inspiration (although it is important). There are many ways to motivate your team: you may build self-esteem through recognition and rewards, or by giving new responsibilities to enhance their investment in the company. A leaders has to learn which motivators work best to encourage productivity and passion. Effective motivation skills include:

 Allowing autonomy                                Asking for inputs

Assessing the interests of the team         Convincing

Mentoring                                           Openness to employee concerns

Persuasion                                     Providing challenging work

Giving rewards and recognition          Setting effective goals

Team-building                                        Thanking staff

Understanding employee differences

13. Positivity

A positive attitude can go a long way. One should be able to laugh at oneself when something doesn’t go as planned; it makes for a happy and healthy work environment even in stressful periods. Asking employees about their weekend or vacation plans develops a positive atmosphere and raises the morale of the team members. 

Read: Developing a Strong Personality

If employees feel that they work in a positive environment, they are more likely to want to be at work, and will be more willing to put in longer hours when needed. Some positivity inducing skills at the workplace include:

Caring                                                     Conflict management

Developing rapport                                Diplomacy

Encouragement                             Empathy

Friendliness                                            Helping others

Humor                                     Positive reinforcement

Respect                               

14. Direct your people

Great leaders tend to keep their directions simple as synthesis and understanding amount to nothing unless there are payoffs resulting from action. Therefore, make your course of action easy to follow for others. And the fewer calls to action, the better for the followers.

15. Show optimism

While talking to your employees about your organization, do you ooze out the natural confidence and enthusiasm of a leader? Such optimism excites more enthusiasm and fuels further growth and creativity. If you really believe in having the best outcomes, you can unleash unequalled opportunities to make them happen in reality.

16. Meeting challenges

Effective leaders can anticipate what may go wrong and take steps in advance to avoid it and think of solutions personally and as a team. They don’t hand off difficult situations to others just to avoid solving them. Problem solving is indispensable for a professional, but is particularly useful for leaders, whom people look up to for support and guidance.

17. Delegate

Leaders who try to take on too many tasks struggle to get anything done. They often fear that delegating tasks is weakness, while actually is a sign of a strong leader. Therefore, you need to identify the skills of your employees and assign duties based on his/her skill sets. By delegating tasks to team members, you can focus on other important tasks. Good delegating skills include:

Accepting feedback                                     Allotting resources

Assessing strengths and weaknesses                Defining expectations

Evaluating employee performance                   Identifying measurable outcomes

Matching the task with the employee                        Prioritizing tasks

Setting expectations                                         Teamwork

Time management                                                  Training

Trust

It’s alright to seek others’ support while executing complex tasks. Effective leaders know when not to go alone. Let’s say you’ve been charged with the year-end closing. Of course, you’ll need help with coordinating the entire task with all teams and the accounting department. Delegating the task not just eases your burden but also fosters participation, confidence, empowerment and responsibility among your team members.

18. Trust

Employees should feel comfortable coming to their leader with questions and concerns. It is important for you to demonstrate your integrity as the employees only trust leaders whom they respect. With openness and honesty, you can encourage the same sort of honesty in your employees. The skills that can convey your trustworthiness as a leader are:

Ability to admit mistakes and apologize Accountability

Business ethics                                Confidentiality

Conscientiousness                                     Consistency in behavior

Credibility                                       Emotional intelligence

Empathy                                         Honesty

Integrity                                           Moral compass

Reliability                                        Respectfulness

Standing up for what is right                  Thoughtful

19. Creativity

As a leader, you have to make any decisions that do not have a clear answer. So you need to be able to think out of the box. Trying out nontraditional solutions or nontraditional ways will help you solve an otherwise unsolvable problem. Many employees will also be inspired by a leader who doesn’t always choose the safe, conventional path. Here are some creative thinking skills:

Analysis                                        Mental flexibility

Conceptualization                           Critical thinking

Curiosity                                       Embracing different cultural perspectives

Foresight                                   Identifying patterns

Imagination                                   Innovation

Listening                                       Observation                                           

Open-mind                                    Problem solving                           

Good judgment                             Synthesis

Vision

20. Feedback

Leaders constantly look for opportunities to deliver useful information to team members about their performance. However, there is a fine line between giving advice and assistance, and micromanaging. By teaching employees how to improve their work, you can feel more confident delegating tasks to your staff.

Employees respect a leader who provides feedback in a clear and empathetic way. Some good feedback skills include:

Openness to receiving feedback                       Building confidence

Clarity                                               Clearly defined expectations

Coaching                                                Following up

Frequent feedback                                            Listening

Mentoring                                               Positive reinforcement

Specific advice                                        Respect

21. Flexibility

Howsoever well-planned your work may be, mishaps and last-minute changes always occur. Therefore, as a leader, you need to be flexible, accepting changes. Employees will appreciate your ability to accept such changes in stride. Similarly, a leader must be open to suggestions and feedback. If your staff is dissatisfied with the office environment, listen to their concern and be open to making necessary changes. Employees will appreciate a leader’s ability to accept appropriate feedback. The skills related to flexibility are:

Learning new skills                                 Respond to new problems

Adaptability                                           Improvising

Negotiating                                     Openness to feedback

Treating employees as individuals

“All happy families are alike but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”    – Leo Tolstoy

However, it looks like he was not exactly alright as there are many common issues that families face. Our family situation may appear to be unique, but the fact is, millions of families around the world confront similar, if not identical, problems. While these problems may look overwhelming, with knowledge, patience, dedication and a willingness to evolve solutions, all such problems can be worked through.

Family problems come in myriad shapes, impact the entire family dynamics and shape our family relationships. All families deal with relationship problems at times. But the ways the family members cope with these issues provides a framework for family dynamics and sets the tone for family life.

How to Solve Family Problems- Some General Do’s

The idea of family may be on the downhill in many societies globally. But it has stood the test of time for millennia despite the many ills plaguing it. We know family is our life, that’s all we crave for whenever in trouble or need of support. Our family laughs and cries with us and is ever ready to support us in need.

Of course, no way does it mean that families are just perfect and don’t have problems. There are some common threads in a majority of family problems, which warrant resolution for a happy family life. 

Try to

1. Foster an environment of sharing
2. Accept that there is a problem
3. Get down to the basic issue, forget about its outer manifestations and symptoms
4. Save your relationships, forget anger, ego and individual pride
5. Get some professional help, if you are unable to work it through on your own
6. Take good care of yourself

Forging a family culture of openness, trust, communication and security and a willingness to resolve family issues, can go a long way in improving relationships and maintaining positive family dynamics.

How to Solve Family Problems – Some Common Features

Families face many problems – large and small and include arguments, miscommunication, and misunderstandings. They may also involve addictions, financial problems, mental illness, grief, illnesses and divorce. Sometimes, such issues exist between only two family members, while others can involve the entire family. Issues like grief over the demise of a loved one are there for all to see, other problems may be more subtle – a child not coming out openly or a wife, who is an unhappy married woman.

Frequently, family issues are rooted in underlying causes, which may not look apparent but their impact may spread throughout the family. Such conflicts are especially potent in a child’s life, who carry them over into adult lives and future family relationships.

Environment of Sharing

The issue of how to solve family problems needs to be addressed with basic understanding that families are built on relationships, which are strengthened with healthy communication. An environment of sharing is the foundation for healthy communication. The family members should feel safe in order to share their feelings and their problems. From a parental viewpoint, it means letting your child share their viewpoint without the fear of judgment or punishment. A child also needs to feel certain that they will be taken seriously. Such a child can talk comfortably about difficult/emotional issue like mental health, identity, anxiety, or substance abuse. They are more likely to open up while struggling with a situation or making a difficult decision. This is equally true of other family relationships, too, between siblings and between a couple.

An environment of sharing can be fostered by:

1. Listening

Experts on marriage and family counseling list it at the top while talking of the Dos for a strong family bond. Listen to the other one before reacting. Ask if your advice is welcome and if it is not, let it go and follow up later.

Share your own feelings as sometimes, things may not be obvious to others. Sharing your feelings without blaming can bring up new viewpoints and perspectives.

While sharing your perspective, present it as your perspective and not the facts.

 Recognize others’ experiences. Telling others how they should feel discourages sharing.

Be human

Admit your mistakes and make others comfortable while admitting their own mistakes.

Be the Change

We are all influenced by people. Try to be the change you want to see in others by modelling healthy ways of expressing emotions.

Do it together

Marriage and family counseling experts believe that the families that spend time together develop a closeness that encourages open communication and sharing. Try to explore interests, sports or other family activities. Activities that involve going out are very fulfilling and stimulate future conversations and closer relationships. Sharing sets the stage for solving and preventing family problems.

Acknowledge the Problem

Sometimes family problems arise from a lack of closeness while some problems involve something serious like abuse. Whatever be the case, acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step in fixing it. Ignoring such issues and pretending as if everything were fine are unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The lack of such acknowledgment can exacerbate the existing issues, trigger negative situations, and culminate in damaging behavior like lashing out, aggressive arguments, substance abuse, or violence. Acknowledging a problem enables positive action to fix the situation, and may avert unhealthy coping mechanisms that can create negative situations.

Many times, people avoid discussing these problems as such efforts in the past had only worsened the things. Therefore, they begin to believe in avoiding rather than fighting, which causes other side effects. In any case, feeling stuck is a sign that a third party is needed to resolve the problem.

Get down to the Deeper Issue

Once a problem has been acknowledged, we can try to identify its roots. The truth is, most family problems are just outwards symptoms of a deep-rooted problem, knowing which can paves the way for greater empathy among family members e.g.

Substance abuse

Users of alcohol or other substances often use it as a mechanism to escape from a difficult emotional situation like grief over the loss of a loved one, financial instability, marital conflict,  divorce, the pain of illness or other problems. Seeking help from a therapist can help break down the deeper issues that cause substance abuse and help them on the path to recovery.

 Stress, anxiety among children

Often, anxiety is triggered by an event and the stress that stems from it causes further anxiety, thereby making a cyclical pattern. The anxiety could be rooted in a social issue at school,  concern for a friend, feeling overwhelmed in school or struggling with a learning disorder. Children perceive much more and could be reacting to a parent’s passing comment like “We are running on a tight budget these days.” Talking to the child and maintaining trust with open communication encourages them to reveal the source of their anxiety.

Sometimes, bringing out the issue in the open is the only thing needed to resolve a problem. This important step helps develop a plan to resolve issues and encourage understanding within family relationships.

Focus on the Relationship – Leave behind anger and pride

Anger and pride feed negative emotions, hamper empathy, thwart open communication, damaging to individual mental health and are opposed to healthy family relationships. Holding on to them blocks the path to conflict resolution. They fuel stress, anxiety, and depression. However, letting go of these emotions can be difficult and painful. The fear of pain, vulnerability, or failure keeps a person from improving their family relationships.

Prioritize the goal of a happier relationship over being hurt or the fear of failure. Where a family problem exists, someone has already been hurt, which makes the fear of being hurt again even greater. But the potential for healing is real. Focusing on this potential, and letting go of  negative emotions opens the door to communication, healing and better mental health.

 Get Professional Help

Remember, therapy is for everyone; it isn’t reserved for the mentally sick or weak or those with emotional disorders. As humans, we need other humans to work through problems with us and therapy provides a safe environment for it with the support of a trained professional.

Therapists have special expertise gained through professional training. They help you talk about your family issues and develop strategies to resolve difficult situations. Therapy is safe and there is no risk of being judged or medicated.

Regarding the choice of a professional, it’s often good to seek a referral from a friend or family member or your family doctor.

 Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself and keeping good mental health is essential while solving family issues. Always keep in mind – positive family dynamics starts with a healthy self. Being healthy  allows you to let go of negative emotions, which paves the way for safe and open family communication and helps the family focus on relationships.

Common Family Problems

1. Conflicts

Disagreements and conflicts are part of family dynamics, which is especially true of egalitarian marriages and families wherein everyone is free to express opinions. These differences can easily escalate to arguments and conflicts, which potentially damage the family relationships and peace, if left unresolved. 

Arguments, per se, are not bad; they tend to promote independent thinking and reasoning, but the trouble arises when they slip out of hands. Do argue by all means but lay down certain rules and do not let your emotions overpower you as you may hurt others unintentionally.

Solution: 

1. Define the problem clearly and avoid generalizing the issue. For instance, if your spouse didn’t pick a glass lying on the bed today, do not say “You’ll never do that”. You know there has only been one such instance. 
2. Argue over the specific issue and do not bring out other past grouses, which is going to do no good. 
3. Focus on the solution instead of endlessly stretching the argument. If your spouse never presses the toothpaste tube from the bottom, it’s no fun arguing. Get two toothpastes, instead. Simple!
4. Focus on the why behind others’ behavior and if the disagreement is turning into a fight, have a time-out. Return to the topic whenever are back to normal.

2. Communication

Most arguments are caused by inadequate/ poor communication. Everyone needs the chance to explain themselves. Making assumptions regarding anyone is just not done. In order to strengthen family relationships, open communication deserves to be given great priority.

A big casualty of a disagreement/fight is the closure of communication channels, which worsens it.  So keep the lines of communication open. To do so, set aside your ego as it takes a big heart to be the first person to tackle a problem. Try to reach out first, however hard it is. 

* In case it doesn’t work out, an older family member can intervene mediate in a meeting. 

* Ignoring the problem will worsen it, leading to coldness. It’s better to express yourself at a suitable time. Raising a family problem at festival time isn’t a good idea.

* Avoid drinking before a tough family conversation as it can fuel emotions, which will hamper your thinking and block your conversation. 

* Many kids/teenagers hesitate to express for the fear of ridicule/ shame. Explain to the family that each one is welcome to express themselves openly. 

3. Work-Life Balance

The lack of a healthy work-life balance creates another common family conflict. Amidst both parents’ jobs/ businesses, ensuring a work-life balance can be tricky. But it is relatively easier to resolve as the balance is easily achieved with smart planning and slick execution. The key is creating clear boundaries between work and life so that the two don’t overlap to create conflicts.  

Spend time on yourself. With a better work-life balance, you’ll have a better focus and give due attention to work and family.

Solution: The best solution is – leave work at work and focus on family when off work. Delegate your tasks to avoid being overworked. 

4. Infidelity

Infidelity or cheating is being emotionally/physically unfaithful to a spouse and breaking a commitment/promise in the act. Around 1/4th of all marriages face infidelity, one of the biggest threats to marriages and families. Prevention is the best pre-emotive solution i.e. the partners commit to and nurture their relationship. 

Unfortunately, an extra-marital affair offers no painless solution as to rebuild the broken trust, one needs time and a commitment to change.

Solution: Working through the emotions of shock, anger and grief  takes time and effort as it’s important to give yourself space for all your feelings. Be assertive rather than being aggressive as anger causes rash decisions. Practice mindfulness and self-regulation to calm yourself and think rationally.

The cheating spouse must take full responsibility and need to be transparent and answer the other one’s questions. It can lead to an understanding of what went wrong and what needs to change. Though trust doesn’t return overnight, accepting responsibility can be a good start.

However, if things don’t work out, total separation is the only way out. It is a bitter pill that needs to be swallowed in cases where marital recovery is otherwise impossible. 

5. Money Matters 

Finances are big time stressors in a relationship, especially in times of financial stress. Arguments about money are common and important issues and need to be addressed on priority. The most important cause is a disagreement over the way people think about money management. If one spouse is a firm believer in penny-pinching while the other one a spendthrift, you can expect fireworks only. Therefore, sit down and discuss calmly how you will deal with income, expenditure, savings, insurance and investment. The spouses need basic financial literacy to understand and profit from money management and set out the priorities of how it is to be consumed. 

Solution: Create a monthly budget. In case of financial difficulties, cut back on unnecessary expenses and look for additional sources of income. Financial troubles can test a relationship hard and but with openness and sincerity, you can navigate tough times together.

6. Distance

Physical/emotional distance can extract a heavy toll and crate strain, especially if you have kids. Physical distance may be a compulsion due to one’s occupation. If you cannot do anything about the physical distance, think of nightly video chats, online games or watching movies online together.

For those looking to strengthen family relationships, it is import mat to understand that much more dangerous is the emotional distance despite physical proximity. It arises from a serious issue like mistrust or lack of communication, which leads to a lot less sharing.  

Solution: Talk it out honestly and transparently. Listen to each other’s perspectives and try to find a common ground. Try to accommodate the other person’s needs to save your relationship. 

7. Disagreements over parenting styles

Every parent has a different viewpoint about raising children, which is affected by their own upbringing. One cannot undo the past but if you disagree on parenting, talk it out. Discuss and try to understand their views on your parenting style.

Solution: If two spouses disagree over parenting styles, they need to make compromises and adjustments. However, if one parent’s style is toxic for the child, you need to convince them of its toxicity and make them come round to your viewpoint. 

8. Rebellious Children

Rebellious children test your patience and push you to limits. You certainly can teach them the consequences of their actions by setting a positive example of how you react to your emotions. If you are dealing with an angry teenager, listen to their grievances and discuss and offer them advice only if they ask for it. A child can learn many good things by making mistakes.

Unravelling the knots 

Family problems are painful. However, there are ways to prevent them  in the initial stages to restore peace. Life is too short to waste time on cultivating negativity towards your loved ones. 

1. Begin the discussion 
2. Go to the root 
3. Address the problem 

Beginning the Discussion 

1. Wait until you’re calm enough to discuss it. While arguing, wait until everyone is calm to keep it from becoming a full-blown feud. 

* While you’re upset /emotional, wait awhile, the emotion will subside somewhat and you’ll approach the issue logically.

* Approaching someone while you are angry heightens an already tough situation. Wait till tomorrow.

2. Deal in person

* Sending an email is the worst possible choice; it’s open to misinterpretation as there is no body language here, which conveys empathy and reduces pain.

* Pick up the phone or, better, meet in person. 

3. Admit faults

* Understand that family members have faults, but you can still love them.

* Accept your faults. Look at family issues not as all-or-nothing where someone is wrong and someone else right. Instead, perceive the gray areas. 

* Apologize even if you did nothing wrong.

* Avoid the blame game and use positive language. Stay away from negative language. 

* Avoiding judgmental words or name calling. Blaming others makes them defensive and counter attack you. 

* Don’t try to “win” the argument. Try to see two or more ways to see the point. 

* Maintain a calm, modulated tone. Explain calmly and methodically with empathy for others. Cool down the argument with, “I can see your point.”

4. Forgive 

* Forgive those who have wronged you, though difficult. 

* Forgiveness frees you from the corrosive fight. It’s about letting go of the past so that you build a healthier future.

* All humans are imperfect and need forgiveness. 

Getting to the roots 

1. Problem identification

Identify the problem by figuring out what’s going on. Perhaps one is facing health problems or personal problems. Consider the real issue so that you can address it better. 

* Don’t assume, find out what they think. Focus on causes, not symptoms. 

2. Ask 

* Dig out the root cause by asking questions rather than making statements.  

* Asking questions softens the conversation and draws out the truth.

* Ask open-ended questions to provoke them to elaborate and listen to them.

3. Recognize when to discuss

* A family conflict clearly indicates relationship problems. Some problems are caused by differences of opinion such as on cultural values. Other problems can be substance abuse, mental sickness, bullying, mistrust, finances, stress, sex and jealousy.

Addressing the problem 

* Compromising implies that you evolve a mutually acceptable solution to defuse/address a problem. 

* The first step is figuring out whether the problem is solvable. 

* Don’t talk to a family member when you’re distracted, on a project, or phone calls or the like. 

Prevention is the best cure

A sharing environment is the foundation of healthy communication. Family members need to feel safe while sharing feelings and discussing issues. A child must feel safe to share their viewpoint without any fear of judgment/punishment. Children who feel safe easily open up while struggling with a situation or making a difficult decision. This is also true of other family relationships.

Family counsellors recommend the following:

1. Listen         
2. Be willing to share your feelings. 
3. When sharing your perspective, present your perspective and not the facts. 
4. Recognize others’ experiences as valid. 
5. Admit your mistakes, encouraging others to admit theirs.
6. Create a personal example of the behavior you want to see in others. 
7. Try to do things together – interests, sports, activities – to achieve a sense of closeness, open communication and sharing.

However, if everything fails, it’s best to seek professional help.

Two major influences having a lasting impact on your life, your satisfaction and personal happiness, are:  career and marriage. It’s quite commonsensical. In a typical career, you devote at least half of your waking hours, which bring a whole set of people around you who impact you in multifarious ways. From this angle, a marriage is even more impactful as you spend the rest of your time with a spouse, who is going to bring a great many significant influences on your life.  But a marriage is far more crucial as you can leave your company without many obligations but not a spouse without paying  huge financial, emotional and psychological costs.

Of late, the welcome trend of pre-marriage counselling is catching on in the country. And I can vouch for it on the basis of my own experience as a counsellor. I would welcome it as it can save you much heartburn later. In fact, the growing trend of pre-marriage counselling should lead to a corresponding fall in marital counselling cases and divorces.

Marriage is an uncharted path for most of us. However, marriage has many aspects which many people cannot be aware of until they experience it. Men and women have different physical, emotional and sexual needs. Even more, their ways of thinking and perceiving differ from each other. That’s what makes marriage hard. The newly married often get a much of “never go to bed angry,” and “always tell the truth” kind of tips but that’s hardly enough for a new couple grappling with important challenges on so many fronts. 

The reality is -the first year of marriage is hugely important from the viewpoint of future happiness. A therapist calls it “the wet cement year,” as it’s the time for both spouses to figure out how to live together without getting stuck and without developing bad habits that might trap them later. It’s a time to forge good patterns and ways of togetherness that can continue for the rest of one’s marriage. When I got married (it was a love marriage), I had the advantage of having known my spouse a bit before marriage but that’s never enough as being in love and getting married are two very different games. I used to wonder: How could my husband and I create a happy marriage? How would we survive and come out happier than we were the day we tied the knot? And all I found out was that despite the well-meaning pearls of wisdom given by well-wishers, friends and parents, it’s ultimately all up to you to find what works for you as no two relationship can ever be the same.  Having said that, there are some major, eternal truths I found always work, whatever be the situation.

The Keys to a Successful Marriage

As a practicing life coach, I get to many newlyweds, looking for marital advice. Here’s on to them, based on my own experience:  

1. Make it a home

Create such a space where the two of you would love to be together. You wouldn’t want your home to feel like an office or a hotel. Home is where one would love to come back in the evening. Believe me, there are really very few humans who wouldn’t love to return to a loving home. And when I say home, I don’t mean a palatial house or a highly decorated room. All I mean to say is a vibrant, thriving place full of love, laughter and togetherness that instinctively invites every human.

2. Communication in Relationships

It’s foundational to any relationship. Remember, communication has two parts: speaking and listening. Listening is vital in communication. Become a better listener and tune in to your spouse.

Communication issues are a common thing among married couples. Learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse as without effective communication, you will encounter a lot of problems in your marriage. Cultivate the habit of listening to your spouse. While taking, hint at the fact that you are indeed listening with an occasion Hmm! and right! And do not react, but respond to your spouse once they have finished saying.

Communicate about everything from small things, such as how you spent your day, to big things, such as how to spend your money. It helps you know each other better, resolve issues, and stay connected to each other.

Talk about everything. Especially the stuff that hurts. No secrets! Not talking about the things that bother you could eventually lead to resentment towards your spouse. .

3. Disagreements are OK

Disagreements are unavoidable. But a defining aspect of a strong, happy marriage, is the ability to get past a fight. It doesn’t matter if you argue as all couples do, it’s all about coming back to the table later and talking about what happened and owning your part. It lets a couple share deeply how they feel without being angry or frustrated during an argument.

You are two distinct individuals. So, you’re not going to have the same opinions on everything, You and your spouse have different life experiences that shape your worldview. You may have to see the world through each other’s lenses. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. However, you can come to a mutual agreement on big things like big purchases, career, kids and holidays. But over small issues, it’s alright to disagree.

4. Conflict in Relationships

A marriage is made up of two imperfect people. Therefore, conflicts are going to happen. One of you may see conflict as a sport, while the other may avoid it. You can’t make them disappear, but you can manage those conflicts in a healthy way.

5. Post-Wedding Blues

Among common marriage problems, this one ranks pretty much up there. You may experience a post-nuptial depression – the sad mood that newlyweds experience within the first 3-6 months after marriage. It’s nothing but a feeling of letdown after all the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon phase being over. Avoid talking about the wedding and instead, go out and do things together. It takes time to reorient yourself, and this is just the beginning of your new life together.

Read: Why Do Couples Face Relationship Problems?

6. Strong foundation

This is quite critical. Think as a team and treating each other as equals respectfully. Value each other, work together, and have an equal say in your marriage. Unless it has a strong foundation, the marriage could easily end in a divorce. So spend some time with your spouse to make a plan to build a strong foundation.

7. Realistic expectations

The way you were raised may be different from the way your spouse was raised. What you expect to be the “norm” may not be true of your spouse. Talk of your expectations from each other, be realistic, and make mutual compromises. This thing also includes your gender role in the marriage. Reel and real lives are entirely different.

8. Keep the romance alive

A marriage counsellor will always tell you that romance keeps you connected and alive. So be creative with your dates. It doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie. And it also doesn’t always have to be in the evening. Schedule dates, put them on the calendar, and prioritize that time together.

Keep your phone off the dining table and never forget to dress up nicely. Many newly married wives have this temptation to spend all their time together in sweatpants. Ditto for newly married husbands, many of whom would love to be in their favourite bermudas. This piece of advice goes both ways —make an effort to win your partner over again and again.

9. Go easy

In marriage counseling, it is often aid that not every day is perfect or good. That’s okay. Talk to your spouse about the imperfections and the sore points. A marriage is a marathon, not a sprint and on certain days, you’ll feel it’s an obstacle course where you are carrying your spouse up a mountain. Do not obsess over whether you’re doing everything “right”— accept that you cannot learn everything about being a good wife in a day. It’s an ongoing process. Period.

10. Lean on your partner

A nice thing about being married is that you don’t have to always shoulder all your life on your own. Let your spouse take care of you occasionally when you are down and need their support and love. You may be fiercely independent in terms of your aspirations of achieving your creative goals, but don’t think too much about working part-time after having kids and letting your husband take on the financial responsibilities for a while.

11. Thank you

Life coaches often joke that complaining about marriage is practically an international sport. Women all over the world play it so skillfully but having unreasonable expectations for your spouse or comparing your relationship to others’ are surefire ways to dissatisfaction. Better to practice gratitude and be thankful for the good things your spouse brings to the relationship with regular verbal expressions of thanks. Pay attention to the good things your partner does instead of pointing out the negatives. Even a small SMS saying thank you can go a long way.

12. Take good care of yourself

Among common marriage problems, this one is caused by an attitude of taking it for granted after marriage. No marriage counselor would ever say that marriage should mean the end of “you” as a person, rather, it is a whole new unit including you and your spouse. But it’s easy to lose yourself in a marriage. It’s easy to nurture your spouse and your relationship and forget about nurturing yourself in this process. Take time off to reset yourself and you will have a better marriage. Pay attention to yourself: exercise, read, enjoy with friends, go out, meditate, relax or do whatever else you like.

Those specializing in marriage counselling advise that while there’s no need to put on a show, getting dressed up nicely occasionally is a fun way to keep the romance alive. It is a way to tell your partner you’re still attracted to them, and you prioritize maintaining this attraction.

13. Have adventure

After the excitement of the wedding is over, the dip in your mood is perfectly normal. But you can keep that excitement of your marriage intact. Have adventures with your spouse. Novelty i.e. taking risks and trying something new can release dopamine in the brain. It could be some novelty in the bedroom, kitchen, having fun or something else. You can get the same dopamine effect from sampling a new cuisine together or trying out the roller coaster in a fun park. Keep on learning, growing and trying new things together to keep the spark alive and avoid monotony from creeping into your relationship.

14. Equality isn’t 50-50

There are days or weeks when you may have to do one kind of work because your spouse is swamped with work. Of course, you can switch the role later as per requirements. The balance in a marriage isn’t a spreadsheet — it’s about both of you feeling supported. The balance between the two of who does what ebbs and flows. Remember, your marriage is not like anyone else’s and what works for someone else may not work for you. So, take advice and counsel of the people you love and trust and make your own path to be in charge of your own happily ever after.

15. Trust and respect

A healthy marriage isn’t possible without trust and respect. Trusting your spouse is very critical for you  to succeed as a married couple. So build and maintain boundaries for both of you and your marriage- in-laws, social media, opposite-sex friends, technology, money, friends… the list goes on and on. Boundaries matter, and they aren’t bad. Think of them as guardrails to keep you on the road in the right direction. Talk about them and set them together.

By building boundaries, you encourage trust and safety to grow. Don’t keep secrets from your spouse as it creates mistrust. Respecting your spouse means not saying bad things about them to friends, family, co-workers, etc. It means you respect who they are as a person, their opinions, hobbies, passions, etc. and you treat your spouse in the same way you would want to be treated.

16. Independent and interdependent

Keep up doing the things you are passionate about. Getting married doesn’t mean you stop doing the things you love. Instead, find a way to incorporate it in a way that works for both of you. Spend time with your spouse to grow together as a couple. Choose one thing you can both do to connect and grow together every day and wake up each morning feeling refreshed, happy, and excited about living with your spouse.

Keep the connection with your friends and family alive. Being married doesn’t mean you have to abandon all in your pre-wedding life. You need social outlets to re-energize yourself for your spouse.

17. Break Routine

Don’t get caught up in a routine. Have fun and lots of it- dancing in the kitchen, playing games, being weird. Whatever it is, make your marriage fun and enjoyable for both of you.

Avoid taking each other for granted by having date nights and taking romantic vacations. Just going to and from work and never focusing on each other or your relationship is going to bring monotony and boredom. When you are just going through the motions, you will feel less satisfied and less content—and that will rub off on your spouse, too. Marriage is a balance between two people.

18. Money Matters

Talking about money is an intimate conversation. Whether you have separate bank accounts or are a share-everything couple, finances come up early and often. If you’re not talking openly about money, you’re not building a shared future and leave the window open for distrust. And that’s never good for a relationship.

Avoid debts and unnecessary credit card bills. Money problems put unnecessary stress on a marriage. In fact, it’s one of the major causes of arguments among married couples. Never spend more than you have and keep an eye on the future by always saving for the rainy day.

19. Good Sex

Sex is vital part to a marriage, especially a new one, so make sure your sex life is satisfying for both of you. If there are certain physical or psychological problems affecting your performance, see a doctor and discuss the situation with them and your spouse.

Frequently, in case of many with couples, sex simply disappears after they had kids. This is unfortunate but the solution is a pretty simple: make time for it. Talk about it, schedule it. Sexual intimacy increases the emotional intimacy in your marriage. You both may have different sex drives. That’s ok. Talk about it as sex is an essential part of your marriage.

Put it on a schedule and stick to it. If you don’t block time out, it’s not going to happen. When you schedule it, you get a bit excited as you anticipate the alone time and fantasize about your partner and planning ways to pleasure each other.

20. Remember Your Commitment

You both vowed to stay true and together whatever comes your way. And this needs to always be top of mind and sustained. Where there is a foundation of caring and love, you can trust that you will get through whatever the difficulties are. Commitment means you can lay your head on your spouse’s shoulder as you know they are for you when you’re vulnerable or tired. It’s a shared intimacy – a necessary ingredient to a healthy and happy marriage.

21. Do not Stonewall

Stonewalling- shutting down during an argument – is corrosive. The stonewalling spouse stops responding and maintains a calm exterior, an indication that they don’t care about what they’re saying. The stonewaller may be right in trying to calm the things down but the way is very destructive. Instead, ask for a break and tell your partner that you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Go for a walk until you’ve calmed down and then, return to the discussion and continue it.

22. Be Flexible

It’s important to understand and anticipate that you can’t anticipate everything and must react with flexibility. Unexpected events, expenses, and situations come up in relationships. If we are too rigid, we resist facing the unexpected. The ability to go with the flow especially when it’s dramatically different from expectations, gives them the opportunity to learn new skills and know each other in unexpected ways.

23. Be Curious

Growth as a couple requires curiosity, which can result in tremendous learning to strengthen your relationship. In challenging situations, you can both learn from what makes those situations hard for you and grow in the process. This way, you will both have pride for yourselves and each other. Your partner will likely change over time, so a shared sense of curiosity allows you to change for the better.

24. Grow and Learn

Everyone screws up things, makes wrong decisions and messes up. It’s all about how people react that defines a relationship. If you are willing to learn from mistakes related to your partner’s needs and desires, you will thrive personally and in the relationship. A willingness to admit mistakes and apologize sincerely is the key to a deeper bond. So, drink that pride to say “I’m sorry” when you make a mistake.

25. Laugh it out

The best thing you can do for a happy marriage is laugh together every day. If you can laugh together, you can get through anything.

26. Little Things Matter

Small gestures carry weight- a simple love note, a longer hug or kiss goodbye can make your partner feel appreciated. A short and sweet text can make your lover’s heart pitter-patter.

27. Give Space

Be supportive and engaged with your spouse. Couples with mutual respect believe in each other’s strengths and have enough faith to know when to retrace and let them handle something on their own. They know they can’t fix their partner’s problems more than the partner wants to. They know when they need to let go of control and let the partner figure things out.

“Organic” is quite the buzzword today. And for all the right reasons! The word “organic” refers to the methods through which certain foods are produced without using any artificial chemicals, hormones, antibiotics, or genetically engineered organisms. Essentially, a food item must be devoid of artificial food additives like artificial sweeteners, preservatives, colours and flavours to be labelled organic.

What is Organic Food?

“Organic” is a label given by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to foods produced under specific standards. These methods integrate cultural, biological, and mechanical practices that foster cycling of resources, promote ecological balance, and conserve biodiversity. In making such foods, synthetic fertilizers, irradiation, and genetic engineering are not used.

But there’s more to it as organic farming relies on biodiversity, composting, and natural defenders against diseases and insects. It helps farmers stay more connected to the natural rhythms and local biodiversity.

Organic farming arose in the 1940s to combat the negative trends in industrial agriculture. Its primary goal is to foster the intercommunity of soil life, plants, and people. It takes a broader approach to food production. Organic farming seeks to cultivate healthy soil, full of vibrant microorganisms to make it the perfect breeding ground for healthy crops.

 Food and your Mind

In case of traditional farming, pesticides and other hazardous chemicals are widely employed, which have been shown to harm brain functioning and development. On the contrary, organic food is grown without using such hazardous chemicals. There are an estimated 45 pesticides in the market, many of which have been proven to negatively affect the brain and the nervous system. Therefore, using organic products is one of the easiest ways to minimize your exposure to such harmful chemicals. The key to a healthy and powerful brain is organic food. For instance, sugar and other processed foods can cause inflammation in the brain, which can lead to mental health problems including anxiety and sadness. A case in point is when we’re anxious or sad, we typically turn to a fast pick-me-up.

From our childhood, we are told about the importance of eating a good diet for our growing needs. We know that to feel our physical best, we need to have lots of water, reduce junk, and have a balanced diet but the correlation between good food and mental health isn’t emphasized at all.

Read: Mental Health: The Royal Road to a Happy, Fulfilling Life

A healthy, balanced diet helps clear the mind and makes us feel alert, besides increasing our attention span and concentration. Conversely, a poor diet can create fatigue, impair decision-making, and result in depression and stress.

Ample research indicates that western diets, full of highly processed foods, can lead to increased chances of depression and anxiety. That’s because processed food and sugary stuffs are addictive and stimulate our brain’s dopamine centres, the brain parts associated with pleasure and reward. In fact, sugary and processed foods result in inflammation of the brain and, which aggravates anxiety and depression. Contrarily, food groups that contribute significantly to our overall wellness are fresh in nature and include all essential minerals and vitamins.

Brain Booster Foods

To boost your brain functioning, eat plenty of organic fruits and vegetables, as well as omega-3 fatty acid-rich foods like salmon, to improve your mental wellness. Omega-3 fatty acids are critical for normal brain function and development as they preserve the cell membrane health and facilitate neural communication. Magnesium is a key nutrient for mental stability: it calms the nervous system by blocking brain N-methyl D-aspartate receptors (NMDA), inhibiting excitatory neurotransmission. Calcium regulates neuronal functions such as neurotransmitter synthesis and release, neuronal excitability, and much more.

Dark green leafy veggies, in particular, protect and nurture the brain. Besides these foods, nuts, seeds, and legumes like beans and lentils are proven to be good for the brain. To benefit from them, you can simply include such organic foods in your daily routine. You can begin with breakfast, the most important meal of the day. For example, you can replace your routine cup of coffee with a cup of milk equivalent to 8 Ounces. Add 6-7 almonds to it, which will not only keep you energetic but also help you stay more focused. If you feel famished in the middle of the night, munch on some nuts or fruits instead of non-organic food.

Mental Health Boosters

They include complex carbohydrates, lean proteins, and fatty acids. Brain foods are essential for the optimum functioning of the nervous system and building new proteins, tissues, and cells.

Complex carbohydrates

In place of the all-purpose flour, include organic whole wheat, brown rice and starchy vegetables. In addition, you may include sweet potatoes, quinoa, millet, and beets to feel fuller and get essential nutrients.

Lean proteins

Lean proteins contribute to overall wellness by giving us the energy to think and react quickly. Sources of lean proteins include soybean, chicken, meat, fish, nuts, and seeds.

Fatty acids

Fatty acids, found in meat, eggs, fish, nuts, and flaxseeds, are another important brain booster food. Fatty acids like omega 3 maintain the nerve-cell membranes. Medically, low omega-3 levels are linked to information-processing problems found among people suffering from schizophrenia, bipolar, obsessive-compulsive, and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorders as well as Huntington’s disease.

Apart from these foods, in a healthy diet you need to include high levels of zinc, iron, and Vitamin C as well as B12. These minerals reduce the chances of depression, improve mood, and prevent nervous disorders like Alzheimer’s disease.

Diet Tips For Better Mental Health

1. Avoid eating processed snacks – potato chips, candies, and soft drinks -as much as possible as they reduce your ability to concentrate and impair energy levels.

2. Include healthy fats in your good diet, like coconut oil, avocado, peanuts, etc. Healthy fat is good for your heart and supports proper brain functioning.

4. Snack healthy with fruits, baked sweet potatoes, nuts, hard-boiled eggs, etc.
5. Stay away from shopping for junk food. The less junk you shop for, the less junk you’ll eat!
6. Don’t binge on food. Have food in small portion sizes and eat frequently to maintain your energy levels and ensure the proper functioning of your brain.