Blog

You must be often hearing the term depression these days. Sometimes people feel sad, hopeless, or guilty but they don’t know why they are feeling like that. This feeling may remain for weeks, months, and even years. Many people are not well aware of depression, for them, it’s just a down feeling. Depression is a serious disorder that damagingly impacts how you reflect, feel, and act. It can cause many emotional, mental, and physical complications and can diminish your performance at work and at home. 

Luckily, you can deal with depression and improve its negative bearings. Usually, when you feel physically sick, you go to a doctor for proper treatment. However, when you have some emotional or mental health issue, most people are not able to recognize it, try to hide it, or wait for it to get resolved on its own, and rarely consider consulting a therapist or psychologist. 

Highlights:

• Depression is more than just a miserable or sad feeling.
• It is a medical depressive disorder.
• Depression can touch all aspects of life.
• Strong people can also feel depressed.
• Depression doesn’t signify that you are thankless or ungrateful.
• Children are not resistant to depression.
• It is possible to manage and cure depression. 
• Untreated depression can cause self-destruction and suicide.

How Do You Define Depression?

It’s normal to feel sad sometimes and usually, these feelings pass over time. But depression is not the same. Depression is also called a major depressive disorder which can upset anybody, regardless of gender, age, culture, or religion. It may occur with other illnesses (chronic pain, heart disease, diabetes, and cancer) and mental disorders. Depression can slow down the healing and make other ailments worse. 

In simple words, depression is an illness that causes a continual feeling of sorrow and loss of awareness. It influences your behavior, actions, and everyday life. You may feel unable to perform your everyday activity and your life is not worth it. Mild depression may be described as a bad state of mind or sad feeling. It doesn’t halt your normal life but sometimes makes everything difficult. The most severe stage of depression can be deadly and life-threatening where you may feel like destroying yourself. 

Examples of Depression:

As a life coach, I have met with various depression patients. So here I am sharing some examples of how they felt when suffering from depression. 

It begins as feeling sad then I feel like I am shutting down. I was feeling incapable of coping with these feelings. In the end, I was traumatized and empty. 

Sometimes I used to feel like shutting down and sometimes liked crying, screaming, shouting, and kicking. Many times, I was just quiet and locked myself in my room. I tried to be busy with the activities I like to do, to distract my mind. It was the worst phase of my life. 

I used to feel sad and low for no reason. I was not aware of what was happening to me and why it was happening. The other day, I was like, I have lost myself and I could not be the same person ever again. 

Causes Of Depression:

Depression can be caused by a blend of psychological, genetic, and biological factors. It can occur due to specific deviations in the brain or you get trapped in recurring negative thinking patterns. A variety of environmental factors such as workplace problems, divorce, relationship issues, financial problems, or job loss can make people prone to depressive disorders. 

A depressive episode may occur after an upsetting event or circumstantial changes in your life. Significant alterations in the brain and drug or alcohol addiction may also lead to depression. Many women suffer from depression after childbirth, variations, and menstrual cycle or due to weather changes. 

The causes of depression may vary from person to person.

• Family tendency:

You are at high risk of having depression if any of your family members have already encountered the issue or other mood disorders. 

I have seen my mother suffering from a severe mental health condition where she was given electric shocks. Sometimes, when I encounter tough situations and feel anxious or depressed, I feel like I got it from my mother. But the best part is I am aware of these feelings, so I know how to manage and how to avoid them. 

People need to understand, there is nothing bad in feeling depressed. What matters is how you deal with these feelings. 

• Childhood suffering or trauma:

Some upsetting childhood events may disturb the way you react to a traumatic situation. Sometimes childhood trauma remains until adulthood and causes depression. 

• Medical conditions:

Various medical ailments such as insomnia, chronic illness, chronic pain, mental disorders, psychological conditions, or life-threatening diseases make you prone to this disease. 

• Alcohol or drug addiction:

People who consume alcohol or drugs are at higher risk of getting this illness. Moreover, 90 % of people who are addicted to alcohol or drugs experience depression. Alcohol is also referred to as a depressant.

• Death of loved ones:

Heartache after losing a loved one may cause poor appetite, sleep disorders, and disinterest in favorite activities. It is human nature to react this way after losing a beloved person. If these symptoms remain for an extended period, the result is depression. 

When my husband passed away, I realized the real grief. When you lose your dear ones, with whom you share your life, you feel empty and hopeless. You feel like a part of you is separated. 

Symptoms of Depression:

For some people, changes in sleep patterns could be the initial sign of depression. 

• Constant feelings of hopelessness, sadness, emptiness, or tearfulness
• Irritability, frustration, or angry outbursts even over useless matters
• Loss of desire or interest in normal activities such as hobbies or physical intimacy
• Sleep instabilities such as insomnia, lack of sleep, or excess sleeping
• Fatigue, lack of energy, and tiredness
• Reduced hunger and weight loss or increased food cravings and weight gain
• Anxiety, restlessness, tension, or nervousness without any reason
• Memory issues and having difficult concentration or recalling things
• Feeling guilty, useless, worthless, or not enough for everything
• Frequent thoughts of suicide or self-harm like “I should die” and planning to end your life
• Decelerated thinking and speaking ability and slow body movements

Moreover, I have been counseling several people, and I have noticed that different people such as males, females, and children, may experience different symptoms.

Males may have symptoms such as:

• Anger, irritability, aggression, or agitation
• Feeling sad, hopeless or empty
• No interest in favorite activities
• Feeling exhausted easily
• Suicidal thoughts
• Drinking too much alcohol
• Engaging in risky activities
• No desire for sex or poor sexual performance
• Inability to focus and complete tasks
• Getting lost during conversations
• Disturbed sleeping patterns
• Fatigue, digestive issues, headache, and pains

Females may have symptoms such as:

I have met many women ignoring the initial signs of depression. Some women misinterpret these symptoms with hormonal shifts and eventually they start living with these symptoms. They become incapable to deal with depression and anxiety and stress continues and ruins their emotional and mental condition. 

• Irritability, anxiety, hopelessness, and feeling sad
• Lack of interest in beloved doings
• Extraction from social activities
• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
• Reduced thinking and speaking ability
• Poor sleep patterns
• Fatigue, low energy
• Disturbed appetite and significant weight fluctuations
• Increased cramps and pain
• Severe headaches

Children may have symptoms such as:

• Quick mood changes
• Irritability or crying for no reason
• Feeling useless or incapable e.g. I can’t do anything well
• Intense sadness or feelings of despair
• Poor performance at school
• Refusing to attend school
• Avoiding siblings and friends
• Self-destructive and suicidal thoughts
• Trouble focusing and remembering stuff
• Disturbed sleeping style
• Concerned appetite and digestive problems
• Lack of energy

Physical Symptoms of Depression:

Many people think that depression is just associated with mental and emotional well-being but it may range beyond that. However, it can also impact your physical health with noticeable symptoms. If you are having these kinds of symptoms for a prolonged period without any relief, you need help. In that case, you should talk to a physician to diagnose whether you are suffering from a mental or physical health condition. An experienced life coach can help you manage depression and associated mental health matters. 

• Unintentional weight loss or gain
• Chronic pain
• Heart problems
• Inflammation
• Autoimmune disorders 
• Sexual health issues
• Deteriorating health conditions:

People with existing chronic health issues may experience worse symptoms if they suffer from depression. Chronic illnesses are already very stressful and isolating and depression can aggravate these feelings. 

For instance, a person is having diabetes and also develops depression. Now depression is going to intensify the symptoms of diabetes. The person may also find it difficult to follow two treatment plans making the symptoms worse.

Distinguishing Minor, Moderate, and Severe Depression

All occurrences of depression are not the same. Different people with depression may have various causes of depression and may experience a diverse range of symptoms at different stages. Depression is categorized depending on the harshness of symptoms and how long they remain. 

Mild Depression:

Mild depression includes a few of the above-listed symptoms for a few days or weeks. This level of depression is noticeable but doesn’t interfere with your daily life. It can be hard to detect minor depression because of subtle kinds of symptoms. Once it is diagnosed, it is easy to cure depression as it can be easily managed with lifestyle modifications and medication. 

Moderate Depression:

People suffering from moderate depression may have many symptoms with more seriousness. Some of these symptoms can significantly interfere with your daily life and may also impact your relationships. It can be treated with lifestyle changes, medication, and professional help. 

Severe Depression:

If you are experiencing most of the above-listed symptoms for more than six months, it’s a severe stage of depression. It can cause serious troubles in relationships, careers, and studies. It can make the symptoms worse resulting in self-worth problems. Severely depressed people are at higher risk of getting self-damaging thoughts. Severe depression treatment can be long as it can be done through medication and professional help along with lifestyle alterations. A life coach or a psychiatrist can help you improve symptoms and know your worth.

Risk Factors for Depression:

Everybody feels sad in their lifetime. But depression is triggered by traumatic events. Challenging events may change your outlook on self-worth or cause unwanted stress. Disturbing and upsetting episodes such as

• Devastating illness
• Serious injury
• Chronic health problems
• Losing job
• Conflicts in relationships
• Family issues
• Death of a beloved person

You cannot control the happening of such events and how you feel after that but getting the right treatment for your problem is completely your call. There is nothing like feeling shameful about depression; it is an illness just like other diseases. 

I have seen many young individuals ignoring symptoms and hesitating for getting treatment. Trust me it can make your problem worse and ruin your life. You should look for youth counseling services to understand your condition and get proper solutions before it becomes disastrous.

Daily Life Consequences of Depression:

Depression can distress every facet of your life directly or indirectly. Starting from how you eat, sleep, your career, education, concentration, relationships, and overall health. Undiagnosed and untreated depression may cause uncompromised and terrible complications in your daily life as well as your professional and personal life. 

• Feelings of guiltiness
• Difficult mornings
• Not being able to express your feelings
• Bad eating habits
• Inability to focus on anything
• Feeling like not doing anything

Treatment For Depression:

It can be extremely challenging to live with depression. Being a life coach, I have observed that different people hold different assumptions about depression treatment. Some people are not aware of depression, some feel it’s just a sad feeling that will go away itself, some are not able to diagnose even after months, some feel there is no treatment for this and some feel embarrassed to get treatment, etc. 

I remember, some time ago, a young child came to me as he realized that he was encountering a mental health problem. He told me that he thought it was just a sad phase, so he was neglecting it. During our conversation, I came to know that the problem was sourced due to the pressure caused by his parents. 

Same typical problem, where parents pressured him to opt for science for higher studies. The child was not interested in the science stream as he was passionate about music and wanted to make his career in the same. Parents have their typical beliefs, there is no future in music and all. 

The boy agreed with his parents and ended up taking science. As a consequence, his mental condition started to deteriorate. Because he was forced to do that, he was not able to understand the concepts. He spoke to his mother but his father ignored him. 

During the exams, his mental health got worse as he was not understanding things. He was also worried about meeting his parent’s expectations. That child was not able to handle the situation, he was feeling like running away from the circumstances and getting suicidal thoughts. He got a  panic attack when he sat in the examination hall for his first exam. He fainted as he was blank and not able to cope with the condition. 

After that incident, his parents realized they had been neglecting the anxiety and symptoms their child was suffering with. Finally, they decided to consider counseling so they visited me. After a few sessions, the boy started to improve as he was in the early phase of depression. Now, the boy is pursuing a career in music. 

Let’s see what are the different treatment options to cure depression. 

Medication:

Medication for depression includes antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs. These can support you deal with circumstances without having depressed feelings. Just like any medication, these also have benefits as well as possible side effects so it’s very important to follow your doctor’s prescriptions carefully and appropriately. 

Therapy:

I have seen some people who consult a doctor and start taking prescribed medications believing that it will be enough to manage depression. Trust me, medication is not adequate to get rid of depression. Counseling and therapy are extremely vital to treat depression so do not ignore them. 

Different types of therapy can help you manage depression and its symptoms. Psychotherapy or talk therapy is known to be highly effective for depression. A therapist can help you learn about the triggers, how you can avoid them to diminish depressive episodes and how to deal with depression.

Cognitive behavior therapy can help you learn skills to better handle your moods. I know the importance of talking, when a sufferer talks about his experiences and feelings, I can better comprehend the problem. I always try to plan a tailored treatment plan for them for a speedy recovery and better outcomes. 

Other than that, group sessions also help people efficiently cope with depression. This way they get a chance to communicate with people who are facing similar problems. They can discuss their symptoms, their feelings, and coping strategies that are working for them. It makes the sufferer feel that they are not alone, anybody may experience depression. 

Someone visited me for therapy and she asked mam, I swiftly want to be as I was earlier. She assumed that therapy would treat her depression within a few days. I want you to understand that depression is not a fever or headache. You will have a  tablet and it will disappear. No doctor or therapist can treat depression overnight. You need to be positive and patient, you will see gradual amendments, and trust me these improvements and satisfaction will help you for a lifetime. 

Moreover, there are more chances that if an approach worked for someone may not work for you. So, you need to keep that in mind. When you work thoroughly with the service provider, you will find what suits you best. Other than that youth counseling services can help avert the chances of developing depression as counseling makes them aware of the problem. 

Considerable Tips from The Best Life Coach in India Which Will Help You Take Care of Yourself and Combat Depression Effectively:

A healthy and inspiring lifestyle is most important to manage depression along with counseling, therapy, and medication. I know it’s tough to focus on your lifestyle when you are depressed but you have to do it for yourself, to get rid of these miserable feelings. You can try out these steps to revitalize your mood.

• At least 30 minutes of exercise or any physical activity every day. It works like an antidepressant.
• Avoid smoking, substance use, and alcohol as these can make the symptoms unmanageable. 
• Set boundaries in your personal and professional life, and you will feel better.
• Maintain a health-friendly bedtime routine, wake up early in the morning and sleep on time. 
• Take good care of yourself and maintain distance from negative people. 
• Eat healthy to get the required dose of vitamins, it will help ease symptoms.
• Socialize, talk and express your feelings to people whom you trust, who love you and care for you.
• Spend some time with nature. Mother nature can make you feel happier and reduce depression.
• Try meditation, it helps you calm your mind and engage in the present self. 
• Talk therapy from a skilled professional can help you deal with depression. It can give you wonderful results. 

Once you start the appropriate treatment, gradually you can see the improvements. Make sure you don’t treat yourself harshly during the process. Don’t blame yourself for anything and be compassionate to yourself. 

How To Help People You Love, if They Are Depressed?

If your friend, family member, or someone you know experiences depression, you can help them feel better. First, encourage them to seek help from a therapist. You can also consider youth counseling services for better knowledge of depression and how to manage it. Other than that

• Be supportive towards them and make them feel that it’s normal, they will be fine.
• Make them realize that you understand them and they should be patient. 
• Go for walks, meditation camps, outings, and other refreshing activities. 
• Make them feel valued to help them know their worth.  
• Encourage and help them stay on track regarding treatment, therapy, and medication. 

The Closing Words:

Feeling blue or miserable is ok but if it remains for more than a few months, it’s time to consider professional help. Getting depression is not your mistake so don’t feel guilty about that. It’s possible to cure depression with professional help and simple routine changes. Never restrict yourself from getting appropriate help and support. Don’t worry you will be back stronger once you fight the depression. 

Communication is essential for all, and by all I mean even for people who have lost their voice. People with special disabilities learn different ways to express what they want to say. Similarly, people who are completely well must know good language skills to become good communicators 

Effective speaking includes the use of logical terms that relate to the situation and balanced emotions mixed with it. There should be correct posture, articulation, projections, and dictions while you correspond. 

When you speak with clarity, it helps you deal with any mass. Be it at a personal B2B meeting, public conference, or while having a walk with your friend. People should know what you are trying to express through your words. History is the witness of people who has made a difference and had charismatic talking personalities. Their words were enough to lure the audience. 

There is no particular time and age to improve communication with more clarity. You just have to start learning and executing. I know, by now you will be excited to unravel this talent. Remember nobody is born a genius, at least the majority of them are not. You can materialise your inner self however you want. Just give it a try. 

So let’s get started with the valuable 9 gems of how to speak with clarity.

• Know the hindrances that are preventing you from effective speaking 

Have you ever been in a conference or stage debate where out of sheer nervousness, you forget your lines? It takes place for most of us. Mostly this happens when we are on the stage for the first time. You fail dreadfully. But only some dare to get up and try again. 

This is where the difference comes in. People who choose to improve communication with more clarity, are more likely to become good leaders in further life. So how to know where to start? You can turn over a new leaf only when you know where the loophole lies. Only then you can fix it. 

Some of the commonest impediments are such as bad time management and forgetfulness. Other than that fear of getting judged by your colleagues stops you from expressing your views on a topic. You have to measure your words and place them tactfully to not let people put a question on you. 

• Avoid unnecessary fast rate of speech 

Speaking too fast when you know the subject very well, will never leave a good impression on your listeners. On the other hand, anxiety from stage fear also leads to unclear fast speech. Effective speaking comes when your audience understands what you are delivering. This gives your audience the time to process and understand the topic. 

Stuttering while speaking is also not impressive. Rather go for deep casual breathing between paragraphs. These short breaks will also help you with your audience’s response. 

Extra advice alert!!! Too much slow speech aggravates this fast-paced generation. To gain clarity at a moderate pace. 

Other healthier ways of slowing down in a speech include 

• Self Practicing by recording yourself while at home. You should be able to figure out what you are trying to say. Self-comprehension helps but take ideas from someone else who is going to hear you for the first time. 
• Watch and learn from eminent speakers who have been to shows like Ted talks and are proficient in podcasts. Learning the art of small talk with listeners between ongoing topics is a masterstroke. 
• Take help from a speech coach or consultants. 

Keep it Clear and Loud 

Mumbling words on stage can make the audience turn a deaf ear to your data. As said, fast speakers sound like buzzing bees if they don’t stop. So mumbling is a culprit in barring effective speaking. 

Make visible your mouth movement while you speak. This prevents you from mumbling. You need to relax your jaws and tongue so they go in coordination while on stage. Using hand gestures and props makes it manageable to express. 

I have seen communicators fumble because they don’t know the correct pronunciation of a word. Some words are enunciated differently in different parts of the world. So it’s not their fault completely. Just opening up and accepting the fact will make it easier. 

Some people fumble because of a lack of confidence in their topic. Before speaking for or against the topic, you have to have faith in your words and yourself. What you have to say is merciful and not everybody is born perfect. 

• Control your Pitch 

To improve communication with more clarity, you must know the correct volume of your vocal cords. Remember your ears will hear a louder version of what you speak than the complete audience. Your every word should be clear, loud, and concise. 

Speaking loudly doesn’t correspond to shouting. It will have a wild impression of your imposing your opinions on the public. Similarly, a sweet voice is good for singing but in a conference be firm and straightforward. 

Embibe the atmosphere of the place and take short deep breaths. You can try the mantra, ‘All is Well’. It helps a lot. Your brain should be on alert mode and be sending vibrations all over the body so that you need not strain your voice too much. 

Again, recording your voice and facial expressions during practice sessions before the show day will help you clean up a lot. After all, who doesn’t want to rock the stage with their fierce hosting skills? 

• Don’t Fake the Accent 

Developing an accent while you have stayed away from your motherland is a good thing. It shows how you have adapted and adjusted to the place. The people there would be able to relate to you. But do you carry the same accent at home? NO, right. You are back to your Desi accent that feels homely. 

Similarly, your false accent will be quickly caught by the listeners. They may get offended if you have not practised the pronunciation of common words well. So be natural. 

A known accent mixed with a moderate understandable pace and clear voice is people’s favourite. Speakers with thick accents may not speak with clarity at first. But there is no stepping back. You can still be a fantastic speaker. Rigorous practice with a talented coach will solve all the problems. 

I won’t give you false beliefs. But my friend, you need to work on it hard. It’s like learning to sing. Correct placing of tunes is the key.

• Confidence is Your Partner on Stage 

Just being on the stage doesn’t mean that you have the brownie points to speak anything on the stage. People listening to you get influenced easily and some might even backfire with cross-questions. This will land you in trouble if you are not fully prepared for the consequences. 

So think twice before uttering words. Cases, when you have the liberty to choose the topic of discussion, will give you ample time to know the subject. You should be aware of your passions and strength to choose the right issue. 

Listeners come to listen to you because they believe you know better than them what you are talking about. So feeding the right information is quintessential at the time of effective speaking. 

Overconfidence and incomplete mastery over a subject spoken never give good results. This exemplifies the lack of seriousness in the speaker. 

The best example of wrong dissemination of information is adolescents blindly following celeb ads just because the person speaking is their favourite. 

• The bigger the Words, Complicated is the Delivery 

I am not against the use of a better vocabulary that contains bigger words. They may define the smaller terms better. But they are uncommon words. So my advice to you will be to elaborate on the phrase before you move on. 

Using long uncommon vocabulary presents a bizarre image when you are unable to use it correctly. Some people use it to shadow their weak performance on stage. 

The more educated class of our society believes that the longer the word they use, the more classy it seems. It’s not true for all. Lengthy unusual words lead to miscommunication and false imagery. Using when necessary with proper exasperation is the healthy way of speaking. 

• Interact and Let Your Audience Engage with You 

Knowing the taste, background, and common culture followed by your audience helps you connect more easily. You should not be blabbering about difficult medical terms in a school conference where students hardly know the medical field. You may feel proud to be known more but the final result isn’t worth enough. The students there should understand you. 

Stay away from complicated jargon words that are completely unfamiliar to your audience. If you are the master of what you are going to speak, you should know how to present it to a common man. The presentation should be in understandable words. 

Simple, entertaining, and interactive exposition of ideas are eye-catching. You will be able to hold on to their attention till the end. Don’t be long-winded for a single topic. 

You need to throw interesting questions related to daily life to help the audience relate to your thoughts. 

You must have seen stand-up comedians, the business runs on successful comedy transmission in the form of stories. Even the most introverted kid opens up when he/she is supported. 

• Read, Write, Understand, and then Speak 

Imaging and visualising a positive outcome seems pleasant until you face the real crowd. So if you are going to face an important audience where your speech is going to determine a lot, you need to be thoroughly prepared. 

The term thoroughly prepared here, means writing, reading, and understanding your words before you spit them on stage. Primarily know what about your subject matter. Then write down the principal points you are going to display. While you write you will be able to cross-question yourself, why, how, and when. This prepares you for the audience’s response. 

To improve communication with more clarity, you should not nest the arguments. This creates confusion in understanding. Arrange the topics based on their importance and then present them. All these matters need to be contained within the time limit. 

• Refresh Your Vocabulary every time 

Here is an extra tip for you from my bag of ideas. Learning new words is a great thing. So in case, your audience is not aware of one, you don’t fall short of the synonyms. You can even switch to regional languages if you know. This brings more interest to the listeners. Monotonous speaking is dreadful and nobody wants to hear that. 

Repetitive words can be used but try to include synonyms and create differently structured sentences. A change of vocabulary for speaking patterns grabs the attention of a roaming mind. 

Final Words 

Effective speech presentation is not a cakewalk as it may seem to many. It does not always happen that you get adequate time to prepare. So for those times, prepare a morning journal and note the points. This prepares you for the worst scenario. Don’t forget to take a confident, clear face and voice with you. If you believe in yourself, the toughest can be conquered. 

Life Coach Ritu Singal aims at counseling and supporting young people, adults, and anyone interested in improving their communication skills. It’s not just a skill, it’s the way you present yourself. She has coached several students in effective contact and is known as a successful entrepreneur in counselling services. 

While there are so many brothers and sisters who are more like best friends to each other but still sibling fights are very common. Usually, the rivalry between two children begins after the birth of the second child and it continues as they grow and contest for their stuff like toys and attention. Sibling rivalry is the feeling of competition and jealousy between sisters and brothers. 

Sibling fights are a worry for most parents with two or more children. Usually, it continues all over childhood and it is very frustrating for parents to see and hear their kids fighting with each other. When a house is bursting with conflicts, it’s quite upsetting for everybody. Sometimes, it is even hard for parents to decide whether they should get involved in these fights or not and how to resolve these skirmishes.

All parents nurture their kids with different parenting styles but still, their children do fight with each other, no matter what. But parents can follow steps to bring peace to their house and help their children get along. You can take action to work through the struggles positively to help your kids be nice to each other. You need to work out with your children to develop cooperation skills and to be able to understand others’ outlooks. 

Highlights:

• Don’t forget that rivalry between two children is expected and unavoidable to some level.
• If your kids fight too much or compete for everything that doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with your kids or your parenting because it’s normal. 
• Children’s fights may seem meaningless to you but if you see the other side of the coin, general squabbling and fighting offer them opportunities to learn life skills such as conflict resolution.
• Don’t think that you can eradicate sibling clashes. You can manage these clashes and try to create a pleasant-sounding relationship between the kids but you can’t just abolish them. 
• You can try out the effective approaches your parents implemented in the past to manage your battles with your siblings. 

How to Define Sibling Rivalry?

An unending battle between children grown in the same family is described as sibling rivalry. It can be between blood-relation siblings, adopted siblings, step-siblings, and even foster siblings. Even the parents are sometimes shocked to see the various forms of sibling opposition and how cruel their kids can be to their brothers and sisters. 

Siblings provoke and fight each other in many different ways to vent their anger and jealousy. It may occur as:

• Physical or vocal battle
• Insults/name-calling
• Backbiting and chattering
• Expressing envious feelings
• Constantly competing for parental attention
• Blaming, poking, and lying
• Stealing or hiding each other’s stuff
• Arguing and hitting
• Breaking or destroying each other’s belongings
• Throwing things at one another

Most parents must be familiar with these tactics and you may have seen even more annoyance between your children. It may appear so unnecessary to you and hurtful because you don’t like watching your kids be mean or hurt one another. Sometimes handling sibling fights is not simple for parents, making them more worried about their kids.

Get Parent Counselling Services

Examples of Sibling Rivalry:

Let’s take some common examples to understand what sibling conflicts look like. A 4-year-old girl sits on her 6-month-old brother while he is lying on the bed. When the parents asked the girl what happened she replied, I don’t like him, I don’t want to live with him in my house. 

Your 4 and 7-year-old boys are happily playing with their cars and toy trains and suddenly you hear them screaming and fighting for who pushed the car or something like that. After hearing their voice when you reach the room, you see, they are shouting, throwing toys, and refusing to play with one another.

And now talking about the everyday story of almost every house. You have two kids (7 and 10 years old) and after dinner every day, they start arguing about watching their favorite TV show. It’s frustrating for parents to see this every day before bed. They never reach an agreement on this, each kid believes his/her choice should win. 

Why do sibling fights occur:

If we try to see it from the child’s perspective, your older kid was the only one whom you used to love and care for. For example, when you have your first child, your whole world revolves around that baby. He is the only owner of his toys; his demands are fulfilled and he is the only focus of his parents. Then you plan for a second baby that is a girl and you introduce her to your older one. He may be happy at first to get a sister but later when he sees you being busier with the little one, he may grow jealous. Now your elder one has to share his parents, their love, attention, and toys with the younger one.

Sometimes children express their feelings about how they are feeling but some children are not able to express that they are feeling ignored or they need your attention just like the little one. When kids could not express their feelings they expressed them through verbal frustrations, misbehaving, yelling, pushing, hitting and refusing to share, etc. 

A couple of things can be the reason for the rivalry between two children. A bit of competition and jealousy between brothers and sisters is normal that can flicker into disputes and squabbling. But some factors might encourage sibling battles and transform normal fights into severe ones. 

• Developing needs:

Changing needs, identities, and worries may influence how they relate to their siblings. Let’s understand through an example, usually, toddlers are protective of their belongings such as toys and at every turn of their age, they learn to affirm their will. So, when a baby sibling touches the toddler’s stuff, it’s more likely that the toddler may respond aggressively. 

School-age children carry a solid concept of impartiality and fairness so may not be able to understand why their parents treat their siblings differently. They may feel that their brother or sister is getting special treatment. However teenage kids are in a phase where they are growing a sense of liberation and individuality and may feel bitter about assisting with household duties, spending time, or taking care of their younger siblings. So, these kinds of differences impact the way your children fight with each other.

• Individual personalities:

Particular temperaments of your children such as adaptability, mood, and deposition, and their personalities influence how better they get along. Every individual holds a unique personality, not everybody is the same.  For example, if one child is specifically anxious and pulled to parents to get love and comfort, the other child may grow hard feelings about it because he/she also desires the same kind of attention. It can be the reason for the rivalry between two children.

• Special desires/emotional problems:

Some children require special care or attention from their parents due to an illness, developmental delays, or emotional issues. Your parenting styles may also get disturbed in such cases because you have to give more time to one child. Now what happens is the other child may consider it as inequality because kids are kids, and they may not understand why their parents are paying more attention to their siblings. As a result, they may act negatively to grab your attention or because of the fear that what is the problem with the other child.

• Home environment:

Parents’ behavior and home environment have a huge effect on your kids. The way you handle disagreements and problems at home establishes an impactful example for your children. If parents resolve their skirmishes without being aggressive and respectful and productively, their children will adopt it when they have issues with each other. It will also help you while handling sibling fights as you can show them examples of how you deal with fights. On the other hand, if parents regularly shout, argue loudly, and slam the doors while they have problems, their kids are more likely to pick these bad habits and behave similarly. 

Parent’s Concerns About The Rivalry Between Two Children:

Sibling quarrels often leave parents worn out and shattered. They feel exhausted by the annoying bickering and speculating about why their children fight a lot. Parents want to know the parenting tips for promoting warm and strong relationships between their children that they will carry forward in their adulthood. 

I am very sure you can relate to the reactions; parents have reported their children bickering. These reactions include anger, helplessness, furious, out of control, sad, disappointment, confusion, frustration, hopelessness, infatuation, disturbed, and overwhelmed.

Parents scare that this kind of negative feeling makes their kids:

• Get hurt physically or emotionally
• Will keep fighting forever
• Have bitter relationships in their adulthood
• Will lack understanding and responsiveness
• Not caring for others
• Have damaged self-esteem due to chronic conflicts

Learn The Right Parenting Techniques With Online Parenting Course

Simple Parenting Tips to Help Your Children Get Along Well:

• The first and most important thing is don’t play beloveds, all your kids should be your favorites.
• Don’t compare your kids with one another whatever the matter is. Every kid is special in his way. For example, don’t say something like your sister is so good at sports, why not you? 
• Let your children be who they are. Don’t force things on them and don’t label them.
• Teach your children to cooperate rather than compete. For example, rather than an ordinary race, make them race the clock to arrange their stuff or toys in the right place. 
• Try to recognize the patterns or times when the fights occur more frequently. For example, if your kids fight more often when they are hungry or just before nap time, you can try making routine changes to avoid these battles.
• Teach your children positive ways to grab each other’s attention. You can play with your kids to show them how to speak to others, share their toys and ask them to play. 
• You may give different privileges to your younger and older children as per their age but your children may take it as inequality. You should be prepared for this and give them a proper explanation for your decisions. Assure them that whatever you do, you do your best to meet your kids’ particular needs. 
• Plan some fun-filled family activities to make your children have joyful experiences together. It will act as a barrier during the conflict. It’s easy to resolve your skirmishes with someone you have heartfelt memories with. 
• Make sure you do not take sides unless you see one kid hurting the other without incitement, because it’s obvious that each of them will blame the other one. 
• It’s better to set limits. Make it clear to your children that they can’t do name-calling or any kind of physical fights. 
• Teach sympathy and understanding to your children. Encourage them to place themselves in the shoes of their siblings to promote empathy.

Best parenting tips to handle sibling fights:

Generally, whenever your children fight, try to not get involved if possible. Let them negotiate their battles on their own, if it doesn’t work and the matter goes long then you can get involved. If you are always playing peacemakers and interfering in their fights, they will not learn how they should resolve their clashes. 

You can’t remove it anyways, but these parenting styles can help you handle sibling fights:

• Arrange a one-on-one time for your children:

Make sure you devote some time to reading through each of your children individually regularly. Spend some quality time individually with all kids doing their activities together. It will help you know them better and enable harmony during their fights.

• Create a teamwork tradition at your home:

When a family encourages team culture at home, children learn from that. Parents and siblings working as a team in the direction of common goals make them get along well. Children learn that they are a team so they should not compete against each other. 

• Try to give them their individual space:

Every child requires their own space to take a break from their siblings and parents as well. So always pressuring them to be with each other may go wrong. For example, if your children share the same room, you can specify zones in the house where each of them can retreat when they need a break from each other. 

• Avoid interfering in their disputes:

Some parents may feel it weird to stay out of their kids’ fights but trust me it works. I believe it is among the best parenting tips. Ignoring the usual quarrels of your children is the finest thing you can do. Don’t give attention to the dispute and do something else in the other room. 

By ignoring firstly, you are not rewarding them with your attention for their negative behavior and secondly, you are allowing them to work on their arguments. However, if the clash intensifies into hitting, physical throwdown or you feel intervening is required you have to get involved.

• Try to tranquil the controversy:

When you see the argument is not reaching an agreement or the issue spirals you need to step in. Remember that you can’t take sides because it may give a boost to the conflict. Even if you know who started it all, try not to make any judgments. Let them calm down, and listen to each one’s story. Rather than blaming any one of them or taking a side, encourage them to reach a solution or suggest a solution that is helpful for all. 

• Have a good time celebrating individuality:

There are fewer chances of sibling rivalry if they feel that their parents appreciate and celebrate them individually. Avoid labeling and categorizing them and them be special for you by celebrating their exclusive talents and success. If your son loves playing outdoors, put on your shoes and play with them. If your daughter loves drawing or painting, spend some time with her doing that. Try to make them feel that they all are special to you equally. 

• Listen to your children:

Whenever a fight occurs, most kids are emotional and upset. Listen to them without judging them and regard their feelings. However, sentiments are not a justification for aggressive or negative behavior but your kids are more probable to cooperate when you hear them. Make them realize that you are here to listen to them and their words can help solve the problem. 

• Present problem-solving approaches to your children:

Disputes happen in every relationship, what matters is how you see them and solve them. Teach the same thing to your children. Take fights as a chance to equip your kids with problem-solving tackles to avoid future disagreements. Show them ways how they can compromise during fights with their siblings and approach the same situation more appropriately and positively. 

• Organize regular family meetings:

Just like we do in our offices. Organize family meetings where each member can put forward their thoughts. You can discuss house rules, household responsibilities, menus, etc. Whatever you decide after the agreement of all members, write down those things on paper and hang them in a common area of the house. It will remind everyone to create a happy and healthy environment inside the house.

Sibling Rivalry is Predictable but Manageable:

Sibling battles are meant to happen. You can’t blame anyone for that but when you feel the disputes are intensifying or upsetting the harmony of your house, it’s time to look into the matter and take action. Be patient and don’t lose yourself as your kids are growing old and they are learning new strategies. you need to understand that conflict resolution is an innovative skill, give your kids time to learn the skill set. Sibling feuds are manageable if you understand the causes and other aspects. If you are failing while handling sibling fights you can talk to a professional to get custom-made solutions. 

Premarital counselling is a new generation concept that is gaining acclaim and encouragement from today’s young couples. They do not believe in blind marriages, which were common in our parents’ generation.

Premarital therapy prepares you and your partner for a healthy relationship. Nowadays, both men and women have equal access to their rights and responsibilities. So it’s better if no clouds of confusion remain before you become exhausted in an eternal bond.

Premarital counselling is similar to creating a minimap of how the couple wants to spend the rest of their lives together. They are laying a solid foundation for their future in this manner. Knowing reasons why relationships fail can save you from danger.

Variations in Premarital counselling

Premarital counselling has been defined as a therapy used to plan a happy future together. As a result, some courses are designed for specific types of couples in order to provide a tailored approach to each of them.

To deal with couples, some life coach folks use a combination of therapies. It aids in providing a clearer picture of their behaviour and compatibility.

1.   Gottman Method:

This method was developed by Dr Julie and Dr John Gottman to improvise the friendship between you and your beau before moving to the conclusion of marrying each other.

There are detailed assessments and examinations carried on to address probable areas of conflict and confusion. It is the best time when the to-be wife and husband can resolve any myths they have about their married about each other.

The couple develops problem-solving skills and rationing their activities in the process.

• Psychodynamic Couples Therapy:

As the name suggests, this method aims on your psych cycles. Your hopes and expectations are kept on the same balance as your real situation. There are ups and downs in every relationship. But only those relationships last that can conquer all these obstacles and still forgive each other with no hatred intact.

Motivation to interact is the key to this therapy. You will identify underlying issues and address the factors of love, rage, appreciation, fears of getting separated, and disapproval during the journey. 

• Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT):

EFT was developed by Drs. Les Greenberg and Sue Johnson keeping in mind that this short form of therapy will be as beneficial as the previous ones. The aim was same to protect marriages and lessen the number of divorces.

Through this therapy, couples can unravel the bond of attachment and affection between themselves. Communications the only tool to solve all quarrels. They have found this therapy to help build stronger relationships that give more mental peace over mental trauma and feeling of seclusion.

Steps involved in Premarital counselling

There are certain steps to achieving any hilltop. Therefore this built up by putting in science, logic, and emotion to achieve more realistic results. You might not feel the difference until you try it yourselves. So getting a life coach before distributing the invitation cards for your marriage is probably the best investment you can make for yourself. The steps are as follows.

•  Filling up questionnaires assesses your behaviour, strengths, and weaknesses in day-to-day life:

Except might not be the same for you to be a partner in all senses. So it’s important to know the tension areas. You may have to fill this questionnaire online or offline individually so that your results can be compared and judged by counsellors.

There counselling rounds where you and your partner will be tested for your dynamic performance when placed on the same platform. These insights are very useful in designing the further course of your therapy.

• Sharing is caring:

This proverb stands concerning ect to physical gifts and emotions as well. It’s because unless and until you do not open up about your past or significant life events, there won’t be a true picture to be drawn.

Nobody is going to judge based on your past actions. But acknowledgment of significant life experiences help to bring more involvement in the relationship.

You might not be comfortable in sharing your past thinking it’s past shadow may hamper your present. But one never knows if the other person also went through the same trauma and would relate to you now in a much better way.

Early childhood experiences also may a significant role in assessing one’s brought up style in their family.

• Talk about essential needs of life:

Pre marriage counseling gives you the best opportunity to discuss about several reasons why relationships fail from staying. I have tried to include some for your reference.

• Any previous relationships:

Your exes should not become the villains of your later happy life. This is why discussing that you have moved on successfully is quintessential to build the trust in your courtship.

•  Relation with family members and relatives:

Marriage doesn’t only involve two strange people getting together but also unites two distinct families. So pre marriage counselling is the fairest time to reveal about your personal relationships with your family members and if any concerns or expectations you have about your to be partner’s family. Both the male and female get to understand their commitment towards their in-laws.

• Beliefs in religion and values:

Inter caste and inter religion marriages need this part to be fulfilled most importantly. After all they are going to understand a whole new world of beliefs, moralities, and religion. There should be crystal clear compassion and respect for each others sentiments. You may discuss the implications of such religion traditions in your prospect life.

• Financial support system:

Money is the driving factor for humans existence. Nowadays both the husband and wife are encouraging a working life for both of them. So managing your finances in advance. There can be financial crises St any point of time but having a predetermined way of tackling it will help you stabilize the condition. You can plan investments and other financial ventures.

• Roles after marriage:

Prospects and possibilities run side by side. So it’s valuable that you discuss positions, you except you and your beau to hold after marriage. There should be equal say of both the genders. This dialogue helps to dodge conflicts later on.

• Kids and kiddos:

Having or not having lads may or may not be the same sometimes. Consequently it is expected that you have clear discussion on whether or not you need to have children. Deciding the perfect time for raising up kids and the perfect gap between two kids is good at this point of time. You can even your family doctor for the same in advance.

•  Funtime and weekends:

After all the serious talks, it’s time for discussing some fun time. You should not forget each others presence and let not that magic of love get lost. You can discuss your honeymoon or weekends will be great opportunity to discuss interests.

Common Problems Premarital Counseling Can Solve

• Know your partner and their goals in life:

Marrying a person whom you have understood and relate to is better than marrying an unknown person. Therefore pre marriage counseling sessions can make a manor difference in the perspective. There are several new things can you discover together. Be it having mutual beleifs, values, motivations, daily routine, expectations, goals, or priorities. In this manner you can discover that you and your partner are complementary for each other or not.

1. Burst too much of unrealistic expectations and get real:

This form of social interaction which is based on scientific results will help you and your partner to set realistic missions bursting all myths. The counselor will help you interact better and get to know of forthcoming aspects of your life. Marriage opens new gates. There should be sensible symmetry on both the wheels. 

• Mutual Future Planning:

These days booking a grand filmy marriage is the dream for every couple. Therefore investing in a pre marriage counselor can alleviate the happiness for forever.

Benefits of Pre-marriage counselling

Pre marriage counseling provides you with tools to mend your realtio

• Developing the habit of communication:

Without communication there’s no solution to however minor the issue may be. As a partner you need to be actually able to convey your state of mind clearly to your partner. In return the opposite listener should also be patient enough to grab their emotions correctly. One should not be attacking or defending the wrong in others.

•   Focussing on the brighter side of your partner:

Pre marriage counseling can help you and your spouse in seeing the positive side of each other’s behavior. Focus on understanding each other rather than criticizing or comparing them to others.

• Strike off negative behaviour:

Negative behavior or fake supporting does not last in the long run. They are seen to be the prime reasons for divorce nowadays. Build trust and respect each other’s privacy in the most crucial times. Rarely do people come up for help when someone is broke. If you have found the right person who backs you up in the most difficult situations, you should never lose him.

• Construct a mutual decision-making process:

The counsels are there to help you slate down a complete map on developing a healthy relationship before and after the marriage. As said above also, there should be equitable say in decision making processes. Share your standpoint and accept changes if any.

•  Burst myths related to marriage:

The new technology generation has filled people minds with both positive and negative myths about marriage. Marriage has been portrayed as a fairy tale full of fun weekends and holidays, while it does not stand the complete truth. Marriage is the new beginning of life with someone whom you may not know from childhood. So being informed to what and when to expect is the greatest part of pre marriage counseling. There is nothing to be afraid of when you are with the right person.

1. Techniques to resolve conflicts in the initial stage itself:

Pre marriage counseling teaches you the art of conflict resolution. It all depends on adjusting and understanding. You cannot be the right one always. Constructive conversations have long lasting effect over ghosting each other.

How effective is Premarital counselling?

While there is no actual scale to measure the effectiveness of this counseling therapy, but real life experiences of people can make the difference. There see studies and research which suggest that pre marriage counseling proved a boon in their life to adjust in a new environment.

Counselling should not be limited to situations when the crises is at it’s peak level. Couples who have already parted ways and polarized may find it difficult to reunite even after the therapy. But there’s always a light of hope.

So why not take the step of counselling and therapy beforehand?

 Where to start?

There can be pre-marriage counselling or counselling immediately after you are married. Pre-marriage counselling will reveal irreconcilable disparities between you and your companion. You can even go for personal counselling before resuming to join rounds.

Final words

What are you waiting for? If you are seeking a pre marital counseling talk to your family and friends and get a certified one. You can find a life coach in local and state medical facilities too. Mental health physicians particularly dealing with marriage counselling are the best to opt for. Give it a fling and relish this new adventure of perceiving each other better.

Socializing online is a new way of making real-life and even virtual friends. It’s difficult to find people who haven’t heard of Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Snapchat, and many more. Today’s Genz kids have got a hold of this platform while they are still learning the alphabet in the nursery. This is the real scenario.
Millions and trillions visit these social sites every day. Recent studies on the usage of social media by teens of the age group 17-19 years showed that the major purpose of using this technology was to make new buddies(99%) than for studies(36%) and then last for playing games (25%).

Pros of Utilizing Social Media By Teenagers

While we cannot blame social media for everything bad that happens in society, it should be the personal discretion of the users to make the right decisions. Therefore we enumerate here the advantages of this technology that connects the poles.

1. Connectivity and easy communication with family and friends.
2. Take independent part in NGO and charitable campaigns.
3. Showcase talents and creativity in music, dance, art, and many others.
4. Access to top educators directly through DMs.
5. Keep a track of current events.
6. Meet like-minded people and organize startups and programs.
7. For light entertainment purposes.
8. Fitness trainers and dieticians can be reached and followed.
9. Learning new traits.

Cons Hidden Behind Irrational Use of Social Media

● Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a crime that includes the use of digital platforms like gaming platforms, social media, and messaging platforms to hurt the self-esteem or integrity of an individual. Unicef takes such situations very seriously particularly if the targeted person is a teenager. Social media organizations have also laid down strict guidelines on the words and images that can be shared publicly but do not hurt anybody’s sentiments. Cyberbullying is malpractice that can be like-

1. Spreading of fake news regarding a person making viral embarrassing videos and photographs online.
2. Criticizing a person by using abusive, hurtful, and threatening comments, direct texts, and sending videos or images.
3. Creating fake accounts to spread wrong messages by impersonating someone.

● Risks to Privacy

Teens are mostly under peer- pressure to join a social media platform in most cases. Social media makes them look cool. But too much revelation of personal data online can be hazardous too.
Online predators are always in search of such teens who are famous and widely followed by the audience. They make online contacts with unknown people who at times can make them feel uncomfortable or scared.
Tracking exact locations has become a cakewalk for hackers these days. Improper and incautious use of social media can land teens trouble who haven’t taken care of their privacy.

● Unsafe Platform for Irrational Users

Too much sharing of personal space and irrational, no time-bound practice can make teens addicted to the platform.

● Reputation Perils

Inappropriate posting of content like images and videos once published is difficult to be erased from the cloud data. Copying data and republishing is no big deal these days. Illegal use of an artist without giving due credit is also a disrespect shown towards that artist. It’s plagiarism and can be claimed if found correct.

● Impaired Psychological Health

Negative mental health is the consequence of spending more than necessary time on social media. Binge-watching videos, scrolling, surfing, and consuming whatever content the system wants to feed you. Peer pressure and unhealthy competitions in terms of showoff usually develop teens.

● Too much Inappropriate Content

Social media sites have also made age restrictions to restrict the type of content to be shown to them. But nowadays most teenagers lie about their age to get access to sensitive content on social media. Unlimited and fast internet has deleted protection barriers in terms of showing ads or promoting ideas.

● Lack of Time Management

There is competition in studies as well as being updated with the latest in every industry. But teens who prioritize their useful time in vague surfing find difficulties in their future careers. There should be time for performing homework, exercising, sleeping, playing outdoors, and most crucially spending time with the people you live with.

What to do as a Parent in this Situation?

Parents can serve as the torch bearers for their growing children who might be lost in the city lights of fame on social media. As a parent or guardian, you do not need to become snoop dogs or have a 24/7 eye on your child’s activities. You just need to safeguard them by making them understand that privacy is a thing but safety comes first.

● They can share anything and everything with you. You will try your best to understand their feelings by keeping yourself in their shoes. Judging and shouting may not serve the purpose well but surely worsen. Communicate as a friend to your kid. Let them know that there are some expectations and limits for their online presence.

You at first may not understand everything going online as these are some new trends. But keep the essential talks and support your kid if his talent is something extraordinary that the world needs to know.

● Make your teen knowledgeable to not share anything that would bring shame to their parents, teachers, grandparents, and to themselves too.

● Never overshare personal information like contact numbers and home addresses. This oversharing is an open invitation for stalkers and hackers to invade your personal life.

● Make a rule that they do not accept every friend request or follow requests. Multiple fake accounts are surfing online with luring bios that offer bogus publicity to kids in return for money. A small group of good friends is better than a large crowd of strangers.

● Passwords are made not to be shared with anyone. Not even their girlfriend, best friends, and boyfriend.

Final Words

I hope this must have enlightened both the parents and the teens in terms of their use of social media. Parents should be nice to their teens whenever they try to share anything. Also, the youth should respect the freedom they have received while on social media.