Premarital counselling is a new generation concept that is gaining acclaim and encouragement from today’s young couples. They do not believe in blind marriages, which were common in our parents’ generation.
Premarital therapy prepares you and your partner for a healthy relationship. Nowadays, both men and women have equal access to their rights and responsibilities. So it’s better if no clouds of confusion remain before you become exhausted in an eternal bond.
Premarital counselling is similar to creating a minimap of how the couple wants to spend the rest of their lives together. They are laying a solid foundation for their future in this manner. Knowing reasons why relationships fail can save you from danger.
Variations in Premarital counselling
Premarital counselling has been defined as a therapy used to plan a happy future together. As a result, some courses are designed for specific types of couples in order to provide a tailored approach to each of them.
To deal with couples, some life coach folks use a combination of therapies. It aids in providing a clearer picture of their behaviour and compatibility.
-
Gottman Method:
This method was developed by Dr Julie and Dr John Gottman to improvise the friendship between you and your beau before moving to the conclusion of marrying each other.
There are detailed assessments and examinations carried on to address probable areas of conflict and confusion. It is the best time when the to-be wife and husband can resolve any myths they have about their married about each other.
The couple develops problem-solving skills and rationing their activities in the process.
-
Psychodynamic Couples Therapy:
As the name suggests, this method aims on your psych cycles. Your hopes and expectations are kept on the same balance as your real situation. There are ups and downs in every relationship. But only those relationships last that can conquer all these obstacles and still forgive each other with no hatred intact.
Motivation to interact is the key to this therapy. You will identify underlying issues and address the factors of love, rage, appreciation, fears of getting separated, and disapproval during the journey.
-
Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT):
EFT was developed by Drs. Les Greenberg and Sue Johnson keeping in mind that this short form of therapy will be as beneficial as the previous ones. The aim was same to protect marriages and lessen the number of divorces.
Through this therapy, couples can unravel the bond of attachment and affection between themselves. Communications the only tool to solve all quarrels. They have found this therapy to help build stronger relationships that give more mental peace over mental trauma and feeling of seclusion.
Steps involved in Premarital counselling
There are certain steps to achieving any hilltop. Therefore this built up by putting in science, logic, and emotion to achieve more realistic results. You might not feel the difference until you try it yourselves. So getting a life coach before distributing the invitation cards for your marriage is probably the best investment you can make for yourself. The steps are as follows.
-
Filling up questionnaires assesses your behaviour, strengths, and weaknesses in day-to-day life:
Except might not be the same for you to be a partner in all senses. So it’s important to know the tension areas. You may have to fill this questionnaire online or offline individually so that your results can be compared and judged by counsellors.
There counselling rounds where you and your partner will be tested for your dynamic performance when placed on the same platform. These insights are very useful in designing the further course of your therapy.
-
Sharing is caring:
This proverb stands concerning ect to physical gifts and emotions as well. It’s because unless and until you do not open up about your past or significant life events, there won’t be a true picture to be drawn.
Nobody is going to judge based on your past actions. But acknowledgment of significant life experiences help to bring more involvement in the relationship.
You might not be comfortable in sharing your past thinking it’s past shadow may hamper your present. But one never knows if the other person also went through the same trauma and would relate to you now in a much better way.
Early childhood experiences also may a significant role in assessing one’s brought up style in their family.
-
Talk about essential needs of life:
Pre marriage counseling gives you the best opportunity to discuss about several reasons why relationships fail from staying. I have tried to include some for your reference.
-
Any previous relationships:
Your exes should not become the villains of your later happy life. This is why discussing that you have moved on successfully is quintessential to build the trust in your courtship.
-
Relation with family members and relatives:
Marriage doesn’t only involve two strange people getting together but also unites two distinct families. So pre marriage counselling is the fairest time to reveal about your personal relationships with your family members and if any concerns or expectations you have about your to be partner’s family. Both the male and female get to understand their commitment towards their in-laws.
-
Beliefs in religion and values:
Inter caste and inter religion marriages need this part to be fulfilled most importantly. After all they are going to understand a whole new world of beliefs, moralities, and religion. There should be crystal clear compassion and respect for each others sentiments. You may discuss the implications of such religion traditions in your prospect life.
-
Financial support system:
Money is the driving factor for humans existence. Nowadays both the husband and wife are encouraging a working life for both of them. So managing your finances in advance. There can be financial crises St any point of time but having a predetermined way of tackling it will help you stabilize the condition. You can plan investments and other financial ventures.
-
Roles after marriage:
Prospects and possibilities run side by side. So it’s valuable that you discuss positions, you except you and your beau to hold after marriage. There should be equal say of both the genders. This dialogue helps to dodge conflicts later on.
-
Kids and kiddos:
Having or not having lads may or may not be the same sometimes. Consequently it is expected that you have clear discussion on whether or not you need to have children. Deciding the perfect time for raising up kids and the perfect gap between two kids is good at this point of time. You can even your family doctor for the same in advance.
-
Funtime and weekends:
After all the serious talks, it’s time for discussing some fun time. You should not forget each others presence and let not that magic of love get lost. You can discuss your honeymoon or weekends will be great opportunity to discuss interests.
Common Problems Premarital Counseling Can Solve
-
Know your partner and their goals in life:
Marrying a person whom you have understood and relate to is better than marrying an unknown person. Therefore pre marriage counseling sessions can make a manor difference in the perspective. There are several new things can you discover together. Be it having mutual beleifs, values, motivations, daily routine, expectations, goals, or priorities. In this manner you can discover that you and your partner are complementary for each other or not.
-
Burst too much of unrealistic expectations and get real:
This form of social interaction which is based on scientific results will help you and your partner to set realistic missions bursting all myths. The counselor will help you interact better and get to know of forthcoming aspects of your life. Marriage opens new gates. There should be sensible symmetry on both the wheels.
-
Mutual Future Planning:
These days booking a grand filmy marriage is the dream for every couple. Therefore investing in a pre marriage counselor can alleviate the happiness for forever.
Benefits of Pre-marriage counselling
Pre marriage counseling provides you with tools to mend your realtio
-
Developing the habit of communication:
Without communication there’s no solution to however minor the issue may be. As a partner you need to be actually able to convey your state of mind clearly to your partner. In return the opposite listener should also be patient enough to grab their emotions correctly. One should not be attacking or defending the wrong in others.
-
Focussing on the brighter side of your partner:
Pre marriage counseling can help you and your spouse in seeing the positive side of each other’s behavior. Focus on understanding each other rather than criticizing or comparing them to others.
-
Strike off negative behaviour:
Negative behavior or fake supporting does not last in the long run. They are seen to be the prime reasons for divorce nowadays. Build trust and respect each other’s privacy in the most crucial times. Rarely do people come up for help when someone is broke. If you have found the right person who backs you up in the most difficult situations, you should never lose him.
-
Construct a mutual decision-making process:
The counsels are there to help you slate down a complete map on developing a healthy relationship before and after the marriage. As said above also, there should be equitable say in decision making processes. Share your standpoint and accept changes if any.
-
Burst myths related to marriage:
The new technology generation has filled people minds with both positive and negative myths about marriage. Marriage has been portrayed as a fairy tale full of fun weekends and holidays, while it does not stand the complete truth. Marriage is the new beginning of life with someone whom you may not know from childhood. So being informed to what and when to expect is the greatest part of pre marriage counseling. There is nothing to be afraid of when you are with the right person.
-
Techniques to resolve conflicts in the initial stage itself:
Pre marriage counseling teaches you the art of conflict resolution. It all depends on adjusting and understanding. You cannot be the right one always. Constructive conversations have long lasting effect over ghosting each other.
How effective is Premarital counselling?
While there is no actual scale to measure the effectiveness of this counseling therapy, but real life experiences of people can make the difference. There see studies and research which suggest that pre marriage counseling proved a boon in their life to adjust in a new environment.
Counselling should not be limited to situations when the crises is at it’s peak level. Couples who have already parted ways and polarized may find it difficult to reunite even after the therapy. But there’s always a light of hope.
So why not take the step of counselling and therapy beforehand?
Where to start?
There can be pre-marriage counselling or counselling immediately after you are married. Pre-marriage counselling will reveal irreconcilable disparities between you and your companion. You can even go for personal counselling before resuming to join rounds.
Final words
What are you waiting for? If you are seeking a pre marital counseling talk to your family and friends and get a certified one. You can find a life coach in local and state medical facilities too. Mental health physicians particularly dealing with marriage counselling are the best to opt for. Give it a fling and relish this new adventure of perceiving each other better.
