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See how time just flies in no time! If for a company or organization, the work time lost may mean money lost but for people, personally, time lost may translate into an irreparable loss – of opportunities and potential achievements. Time isn’t just money, as a popular airlines’ tagline claims; rather, time is EVERYTHING! To know its truth, simply ask someone who has missed many golden opportunities in life and now regrets it. That opportunity may have been a missed train, which could have landed him in time for a job interview, or could have got him his desired life partner- the possibilities are endless. You may also ask a failed student about the importance of the time he idled away or ask a terminally sick patient who has just been told by the doctor that they have only a few months to live now.

All said and done, time is a unique resource which cannot be had in advance, can’t be  lent or gifted or re-claimed or transferred unlike money. To cap it, time is extremely democratic in the sense of being available to all – in the same amount, not a second more or less.

But quite often in life, you see people cribbing about a shortage of time for the many important things in life they want to do. To tell you the truth, I, too, have been a culprit here as I also used to complain about the lack of time and wished for a longer day until one day…….

You can find the rest of the story in detail in my book A Story Can Change Your Life, too. Today, I interact with clients having similar complaints of being swamped in life, of facing shortage of time, of feeling stressed out due to this shortage. It must be sounding quite familiar. We all too often wish for a longer day to pack all our tasks into it but….

Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day but despite that, many of us keep on wasting it thoughtlessly in meaningless activities. Wasting time equals wasting opportunities and once it slips off our hands, we can’t but regret as it can’t be regained. The tomorrow, the next week, the next month or the next year you have visualized to kick off a particular job/activity at an “auspicious time” may never come. Like they say, the best time to buy  a house was 20 years ago, the second best time is TODAY! The only RIGHT time is RIGHT NOW.  So, it would be unwise to postpone your work for tomorrow as what you really own is just “today”, which should translate into instant action, hard work, sweat, and effort. Obviously, it’s no use striking the iron when cold; the opportune time for doing this thing is when it’s hot.

All thanks my exposure to time management ideas, I am pretty much convinced that our day is long enough to pack all our work, leisure and other needs into it. Had we been having more hours, hypothetically, we would have slowed down accordingly as Parkinson so aptly put it

Work expands to fill the time available.

The magic lies in better time management, which is a crucial skill we all need to master in order to optimize our productivity and create a better, happier, healthier life.

What’s Time Management?

The idea of time management means that you 

• Are organized        

• Prioritize your activities    

• Fix your goals with clarity

• Have good communication skills     

• Plan your time effectively

• Delegate your tasks effectively

• Can manage stress levels well 

Benefits of Time Management

Not managing your time effectively means missed deadlines, poor work quality, greater stress, work-life imbalance and burnouts. But by practicing proper time management, you can hope to find a dramatic 

1. Enhancement in personal and professional productivity    
2. Fall in stress levels 
3. Improvement in work-life balance

Time plays a significant role in our lives. If we better understand the value of time, then it can gain experience and develop skills over time. This motivational video is for all those people who have dreams they want to pursue, time is of the essence.

Why Time Management?

1. More out of less

By controlling how you spend your time, you can achieve more work efficiency. In this manner, you can focus on more important tasks to achieve more work efficiency.

Think of a vehicle driven slowly by someone busy on the phone alongside. Contrast it with another one driven by someone (without any distraction) at an optimal speed to reach the destination faster. You can understand now the difference time management make to your performance.

2. Decision making

As a time management coach, I can tell you good time management can help you take better decisions as you are able to better grasp the impact of your decisions.

Someone bad at time management will feel hard pressed for time and needs to hasten to choose the easier way, as he runs the risk of losing out. Contrarily, good time managers evaluate their situation calmly and choose the best possible option.

3. Success

Good time management will let you meet your deadlines, spare time for everything  in life – work, family, friends, pleasure and yourself, too. More success, better performance, good decision-making and a focus on important tasks are its obvious results.

4. Better Quality of Life

In today’s fast, cut-throat and stressful life, we often tend to miss out on the joys of socialization, bonding, relaxation, and health by paying the price of having material accomplishments. By making time management an essential part of lifestyle, you can achieve much more by freeing up time for the things that make you truly happy. That way, we can reduce stress and get more fulfillment in life.

5. Reduced stress

Good time management can bring down reduce stress and anxiety and heighten your self-confidence as you are able to meet your deadlines easily now. With better productivity under your belt, you are on top of your game.  The reduced stress level enhances your productivity and improves sleep and work-life balance.

6. More time

You have all the time for the things that really matter to you and achieve your goals in life. You have more time for your family and friends, to deepen your bonds and follow your favourite hobbies.

7. More energy 

More energy and motivation is the additional bonus, which lets you focus on the most important tasks. More energy provides you better focus and productivity for a long time. At a personal level, it keeps my energy levels high for better productivity.

 Time Management Coaching 

So many people among us continually struggle with time management, whereas others are pros in this regard. Regardless, to master your time, you should know how to do it the right way. Time can be tricky and so, it’s important to know how to fit your work and daily activities into the time available. Come on, join me for some tried-and-tested time management coaching tips:

The key to time management is allocating the right time to the right activity for optimum time utilization by prioritizing tasks as per their importance and the estimated time needed for completion.

1. Plan

Planning is the first and the most readily proven time management technique in time management coaching. First, it helps you properly organize your work. Second, it gives you a detailed insight into all that you need to do. Therefore, if you plan your daily, weekly, or monthly tasks, accomplishing them becomes far easier.

Try to use the tools listed below to plan and organize your work:

1. Calendars, personal organizers (digital or paper) 
2. Time management apps and tools
3. To-do-lists
4. Post-it-notes, notepads, and other time managers

You may mix and match them to arrive at your own personal time management formula. 

2. 1, 2, 3, 4…..

Any time management coach will tell you time management obviously means spending more time on priorities, besides not wasting time on non-priority tasks. Ask yourself:

• What’re your goals?
• What’re the results of a particular activity? Are you moving ahead in that direction or away from it?

Make plan in advance for the week or the day so as to feel organized and focused. You may break down your tasks over days to see how much time you need for a project. Just a few minutes of planning can really transform the way you work.

Group together your tasks importance-wise by organizing them in terms of their relative importance. For instance, the tasks labeled “urgent” must be done today while those labeled “important, but not urgent” are important, but they can wait for some time. And “low-priority” tasks can be postponed till later, if need be.

Now place the tasks under each category. For example, if you need to make a report, it’s an urgent task. But if you have to begin a new  project with a 14-day deadline for completion, it can be “important, but not urgent” task. Similarly, chatting with friends is vital, but certainly not an urgent task, and thus, it needs to go to the “low-priority” group.

3. To-do lists

Personally, I find them quite useful and motivating as I get a clear idea of what’s supposed to be done on a particular day. I have discovered that the ideal time to make a to-do list is the end of the day when you clearly know from where to resume work the next day. There is software available to help you do this job.  

Time management coaches recommend having S.M.A.R.T. — Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound goals to give a solid structure to your work and prepare yourself for the day. Taking a brief break for a tae/coffee, a walk or just stretching your limbs after an hour or so boosts your productivity. Try it out. It works! 

4. Decision-making

You cannot begin to work unless you have made a prior decision about how you are going to do it i.e.

1. Which task needs a high priority?
2. When does a task need to be completed?
3. What resources are available for the task?
4. Which task/s should be taken up later?

The decisions have to be taken before your work begins. It will enable you to decide clearly about your tasks for better work performance.

Grouping together similar tasks saves time. Instead of hopping from one task to another, it is much smarter to group them together. For example, you may fix a time for emails and phone calls rather than doing it anytime throughout the day. I can vouch for its extreme its efficacy as this is exactly what I do all the time. 

5. Spend mornings on MITs

Time management coaches recommend working on the most important tasks (MITs) from your to-do list to finish them first. Obviously, we have the most energy and enthusiasm in the mornings, so why not tackle the most challenging tasks at this time? Besides, once you have accomplished the most important tasks early in the day, you can remain motivated and high-spirited for the rest of the day.

Specialists in stress management counselling often advocate this idea to help their clients reduce the stress levels they face.

6. Log In, Log Out

Try to be aware of how you’re spending your time on various things. List down all your day-to-day, routine activities and the time they take. Having a clear idea of how you are spending time, you will be in a far better position to grasp where time is leaking off the tap and how you can plug the cracks and holes.  

Record your daily routine to know about time-wasters e.g. phone calls, social media, TV, gossiping etc. Time tracking and productivity apps are great tools for this purpose. By recording your daily routine for about a week, you can the time-wasters and try to cut them out.

7. Limit e-mailing time

Many time management examples focus on the apparently innocuous tasks like e-mailing. The reality is – it takes a lot of time. Checking and replying to e-mails is  burdensome. An average worker spends around 10 hours a week checking email. Think of all the tasks you could do in this much time.

Limit the time on e-mails to the minimum to keep those 10 hours for work. If you check e-mail in the morning, reply only to important ones, which warrant an immediate reply. You can leave the rest for breaks or read them at the end of the day. Ensure that you mark those unimportant messages as “spam” so that they don’t crowd your inbox.

8. Get a break

Many time management coaches and those dealing in stress management counselling advise employees that working without breaks can do more harm than good. Periodic breaks help us refresh our brain and refocus on work. Take a short walk, read a favorite book or sip a tae/coffee or watch a documentary or play an instrument during breaks.

Use these intermittent breaks to improve time management and refresh yourself for a significant productivity boost.

9. Discover your zone

Each of us is extremely focused and productive at certain times in a day i.e. we are in our ‘zone’. Find your own zone for the best time utilization to bring out the best in you.

If you feel more energetic at certain times in the day, change your schedule to accommodate it to get the most of your time. Some people may feel more energized early in the morning, while others happen to be night owls. Choose your own personal best time to reap the benefits of doing more.

10. Say No to Perfection and multi-tasking

The perfect is very often the enemy of the good. Avoid overanalyzing. Of course, it doesn’t mean being careless in your work. Put in your best but a craving for perfection can drag you down. Once you’ve finished a task by giving it your best, move on.

Most of us aren’t really good at multi-tasking, say the latest studies. Therefore, it’s better to focus on one thing at a time and excel at it. Try time boxing i.e. allocate a time-frame for each task, which significantly increases the likelihood of its completion.

11. Know about time stealers

Locate time stealers to do something about them. You may be spending an hour on emails instead of working your projects. Knowing where time goes can let you decide about delegating tasks or using software to accelerate the lower-level processes.

Similarly, you can’t do everything on your own. So, try to delegate by training someone to do simple jobs to free yourself up to work on bigger things. It’s always smart to delegate certain tasks to others and let them share the responsibility and if done properly, it can save time and effort, besides making others more responsible and confident. You may even outsource some secondary tasks to a freelancer.

12. Time blocking

The Tesla CEO Elon Musk’s secret to time management lies in time blocking i.e. devoting a certain number of hours to only one task, while blocking off other tasks. In his 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, Kevin Kruse says that top performers organize their day by time blocks. It appears to be logical as you are much more likely to succeed with a well-defined action plan.

 Read: Why Do We Need to Fix Top Priorities In Life

See your task to the end. Avoid doing half work, i.e., quitting the current task to do something else e.g. writing a report and then suddenly checking email for no reason and giving replies. It’s not only bad time management but is also bad for your focus and momentum.

13. Distractions

Keeping focus on a task when you have hundreds of them isn’t easy. So, getting distracted – notifications, pop-up messages, e-mails, colleagues constantly talking to you – is oaky. Obviously, they all pull your attention away from work. While working, put your phone on the silent mode and block all notifications to save time and improve your efficiency. 

There are many  ways to be focused – put your phone away, turn off social media notifications or block distracting websites. But the best way is to focus and do what is to be done. Limit your presence on social media to a minimum as it takes lots of time and doesn’t bring much value into life.

Focus on one part of your work at a given time and say no to messages, emails or social media notifications. Hard? You may need some practice and a short wait. It works out!

14. Group together similar tasks

Various tasks require team members to spend different amounts of time and effort but because most team tasks are quite similar, putting them together is a good idea. It can enable the teams to save time on reorienting themselves for a new task, thus ensuring faster project completion. 

15. Reward yourself

Having finished the task, take a break to do something else- a cup of coffee, listen to music, or call a friend. These little rewards are a great way to motivate yourself – similar to a rabbit chasing the carrot tied to its ears. It may look a bit odd but when you think of  the satisfaction you experience after task completion, you will find it to be worth it.

So go on, take that nap, have a walk, or read a chapter your favourite book to get a productivity boost!

We all start life with a family – of blood relatives, adopted parents or foster members. Our families are always there to support us in our need and difficulties. Having said that, family life isn’t always perfect as many issues can crop up. Our family is the most immediate, powerful and constant social impact on us, which influences every aspect of our lives, from cradle to grave. Our family undergoes many changes throughout and thus, it’s normal to have occasional family problems. But it is comforting that help and support can help us overcome difficult times.

 How does family counselling help?

Family dynamics

Family dynamics can change a lot as they undergo transitions like births, deaths, marriages and divorces. Add to it that each family is unique, endowed as it is with its own belief and value systems. So, within a family, the differences of opinions about a range of issues are perfectly normal.

Many factors affect our family relationships, which, in turn, impact our lives. Our families absorb many outside stresses and strains but the pressures can sometimes spill over. Personal problems can overwhelm a family to the extent that it might appear as if there is no way forward. The changes within a family can leave it confused, angry or hurt.

The love, grudges, loyalties and betrayals of family life have lasting psychological effects. Whether we stay close or separately, our relationships with family members can shape us like no other. So much so that they define us or have an everlasting impact on what we should be.

Especially as children, we spend much time with our families, which has an undisputed impact on us in later life. We come to develop our expectations of others, communication skills, outlook on life and many other things. Therefore, given their lasting impact, the family problems need to be resolved in time to keep them from becoming major life issues.

Family Problems

A family offers support, encouragement and love but, sometimes, the relationships can be strained. Common family problems can involve infidelity, monetary disputes, addictions, mental illness, grief and illnesses. Sometimes, such issues exist between only two family members, while others can involve the entire family. Issues like grief over the demise of a loved one are visible to all; other problems may be more subtle – a child not coming out openly or an unhappily married wife.

Quite often, family problems have underlying causes, not visible – which impact the entire family. Such conflicts can be especially potent in case of children, who carry them over into later lives and future family relationships.

 Common Family Problems

As a life coach dealing with marriage counselling for couples and families, I have found the following common family problems:

1. Disruption due to separation or divorce
2. Problems with step-family or a new partner
3. Debt or other financial problems
4. Bereavement or illness causing changes in family structure
5. Adolescents’ behavioural problems
6. Children leaving home
7. Infidelity/ cheating
8. Sibling conflict/ rivalry
9. Mental illness
10. Substance abuse- Drugs and alcohol
11. Differences over parenting styles

In many cases, there may be many issues causing a family problems and it may not be possible to ‘fix’ it. However, we can adjust our attitude to what is happening and try to find solutions to make our lives easier.

 Solving Family Problems

As a life coach dealing with family problems, I always recommend a culture of openness, trust, communication and a keenness to resolve family issues that can strengthen family relationships and maintain positive family dynamics.

I would suggest all families to make a sincere attempt to

1. create a sharing environment
2. admit the problem
3. look for the basic issue, leaving aside its symptoms
4. rescue your relationships, keeping aside anger, ego and pride
5. access professional help, if you can’t resolve it yourself
6. take good care of thmselves

 Family Counselling

A family, whether of blood relatives or chosen, is often composed of the most important connections that humans have. Societies have been formed around families, and without our connections to one other and our biological instinct to protect our family, we may not have evolved. However, most families face disagreements, stress and conflict. This is where family counselling steps in.

Family counseling is an approach to help a family encourage conversation and communicate better with each other to resolve issues. Family counselling usually works best with cognitive behaviour therapy, systemic and solution-focused therapy, to take a closer look at all family members. The aim is to clarify the problems and focus on solutions, rather than delving into their origins. It can improve self-reflection for the individuals and self-awareness of the family. The goal of family counselling is helping families build stronger relationships, but it means different things to different families, as we all face unique challenges. Ultimately, the aim is to enable families to enjoy being together and to face challenges as a team.

A family counsellor maintains neutrality to have a platform free from blame. It allows the members to explore the problem and express their concerns and perspectives.

How?

The counsellor gathers the views of the family through questions about the differences they face. Thereafter, the members are invited to become observers of the questions answered by other members and of their own behaviours and assumptions. The counsellor gives the group a chance to and reflect on the situation to move towards a better way of being together.

 In such cases, an assessment may be difficult as defining the problem can mean something different to each member. One person might be blamed, who may blame someone else. The interconnected relationships within a family are central to this counselling. The logistics of getting all members to participate can pose difficulties, but it can be rewarding to establish healthier ways of living together as a family.

Counselling can help identify the events including incidents transitions or repeating patterns that have led to the family needing help. Family problems might be mapped out to show their development and allow members to gain clarity about the problems.

How to Solve Family Problems?

1. Communication

Most common arguments are engineered by poor communication. Everyone needs the chance to explain themselves. Therefore, to strengthen family relationships, open communication needs to be a top priority.

Very often, a common casualty of a disagreement is the closure of communication channels, which tends to worsen the problem.  So keep the lines of communication open. Set aside your ego as one needs a big heart to become the first one to tackle a problem. Reach out first, however hard it may seem. 

* If it doesn’t fructify, a family elder can mediate. 

* Ignoring it will worsen the problem, leading to further coldness in the relationship. Better to express yourself at a suitable time and occasion. But obviously, raking up a family problem at festive times isn’t a sensible thing to do.

* Drinking before a tough family conversation can fuel emotions, hamper your thinking and block your conversation.  Avoid.

* Many kids are reluctant to express themselves due to the fear of ridicule/ shame. Explain to them that each one is welcome to express themselves openly. 

2. Conflicts

Disagreements are part of family dynamics, especially of egalitarian families. But they can easily become arguments and conflicts, which can damage family relationships and peace. 

Arguments, by themselves, aren’t bad; they tend to promote independent thinking but the trouble with them is that they often slip out of hands. Do argue but have some rules and do not let emotions overpower you. You may hurt others unintentionally.

Solution: 

1. Define the problem clearly and avoid generalizations. For instance, if your spouse didn’t pick a glass lying on the bed today, do not say “You’ll never do that”. You know there has only been one such incident. 
2. Argue over the specific point. Avoid bringing up other past grouses, which is of  no good here. 
3. Focus on the solution instead of stretching the argument. If your spouse never presses the toothpaste tube from the bottom, it’s no fun arguing. Get two toothpastes, instead. Simple!
4. Focus on the reasons behind others’ behavior and if the disagreement becomes a fight, have a time-out and return to it whenever you are back to normal.

3. Work-Life Balance

A great way to strengthen family relationships is ensuring good work-life balance. Unhealthy work-life balance can lead to family conflicts. Amidst jobs/ businesses, achieving a work-life balance may be tricky. But this one is relatively easier to resolve with smart planning and slick execution. Create clear boundaries between work and life so that they don’t overlap, leading to conflicts.  

With healthy work-life balance, you can have better focus and give due attention to work and family.

Solution: Leave work at the workplace and focus on family when off work. Delegate tasks to avoid being overworked. 

4. Infidelity

Infidelity is emotional/physical unfaithfulness to a spouse and breaking a commitment/promise. Around 1/4th of all marriages face infidelity, a big threat to marriages and families. Prevention is the ideal solution here i.e. the partners commit to and nurture their relationship.  

Sadly, an extra-marital affair has no painless solution because to rebuild the broken trust, one needs time and a sincere commitment to change.

Solution: Working through shock, anger and grief takes time and effort. Be assertive rather than being aggressive as anger can lead to rash decisions. Practice mindfulness and self-regulation to calm yourself and think rationally.

The cheating spouse has to assume full responsibility and transparency and answer the other one’s questions. It can create an understanding of what went wrong and the required change. Though trust doesn’t come back overnight, accepting one’s responsibility is a good start.

 However, in extreme cases, separation is the only way out. The bitter pill needs to be swallowed where recovery is otherwise impossible. 

5. Money Matters 

Finances can be big stressors, especially in financial stress. Arguments about money are important issues, which need to be addressed on priority. The most common disagreement is over the way people think of money management. With one spouse being a penny-pincher and the other one a spendthrift, there can be fireworks only.

Therefore, discuss calmly how you are going to handle income, expenditure, savings, insurance and investment. The spouses need to set out the priorities of how money it is to be used. 

Solution: Run on a monthly budget. In financial difficulties, cut back on expenses and look for additional income. Financial troubles can test a relationship but with openness and sincerity, you can navigate these tough times together.

6. Distance

Physical/emotional distance can take a heavy toll and create relationship strain, especially with kids. Physical distance can be a compulsion due to one’s occupation. To compensate for physical distance, consider doing nightly video chats, online games or watching movies online together.

More dangerous than physical distance is the emotional distance despite physical proximity. It arises from mistrust or lack of communication, which leads to a lot less sharing.  

Solution: Discuss honestly and transparently. Listen to the other’s perspectives to  find a common ground. Try to accommodate the other person’s needs to save your relationship. 

7. Disagreements over parenting styles

Every parent has a unique viewpoint about parenting shaped by their own upbringing. If you disagree on parenting, talk it out and  understand their views.

Solution: You need to make compromises and adjustments. However, if one parent’s style is toxic, you need to convince them of its toxicity and make them change. 

8. Rebellious Children

Rebellious children test your limits. You can teach them the consequences of their actions by setting a positive example of how you react to your emotions. If you deal with an angry teenager, listen to their grievances and offer advice only if they ask for it.

Unravelling the knots 

Family problems are painful but you can prevent them in the initial stages. 

1. Begin the discussion 
2. Go to the root 
3. Address the problem 

Beginning the Discussion 

1. Wait until you’re and others are calm to avoid its becoming a full-blown feud. 

* When upset /emotional, wait. The emotion subsides somewhat and you’ll approach logically.

* Approaching someone while you are angry heightens a tough situation. Wait. 

2. Deal in person

* Pick up the phone or, better, meet personally instead of e-mailing. 

3. Admit faults

* Accept your faults. Look at family issues not as wrong-and-right. Instead, perceive the gray areas. 

* Apologize even if you did nothing wrong.

* Avoid blaming and use positive language.  

* Avoiding name calling. Blaming others makes them counter attack you. 

* Don’t try to “win”. Try to see two or more ways to see the issue. 

* Maintain a calm, modulated tone. Explain calmly, methodically. Cool down the argument with, “I can see your point.”

4. Forgive 

* Forgive those who have wronged you. 

* Forgiveness frees you. It’s about letting go of the past to build a healthier future.

* All humans are imperfect and need forgiveness. 

Getting to the roots 

1. Problem identification

* Identify the problem. Consider the real issue so that you can address it better. 

* Find out what they think and focus on causes, not symptoms. 

2. Ask 

* Dig out the cause by asking questions.  

* Questions soften the conversation and draw out the truth.

* Ask open-ended questions and listen to them.

3. Recognize when to discuss

* A family conflict clearly indicates relationship problems.

* Some problems are caused by differences of opinion such as on cultural values. Others can be substance abuse, mental sickness, bullying, mistrust, finances, stress, sex and jealousy.

Addressing the problem 

* Compromising implies that you evolve a mutually acceptable solution. 

* The first step is figuring out whether the problem is solvable. 

* Don’t talk when you’re distracted, on a project, or phone calls. 

Prevention is the best cure

The question of how to solve family problems becomes redundant if we know how to prevent them from happening. A sharing environment is the foundation of healthy communication. Family members should feel safe while baring feelings. A child must feel safe to share their viewpoint without any fear of judgment/punishment. Children who feel safe easily open up while struggling with a situation or making a difficult decision. This is also true of other family relationships.

Family counsellors recommend the following:

1. Listen         
2. Be willing to share your feelings. 
3. Recognize others’ experiences as valid. 
4. Admit your mistakes, encouraging others to admit theirs.
5. Create a personal example of the behavior you want to see in others. 
6. Do things together – hobbies, sports, activities – to achieve closeness, open communication and sharing.

However, if everything fails, it’s best to seek professional help.

Solving Family Problems – Some Suggestions

Environment of Sharing

An environment of sharing is the foundation to strengthen family relationships. The family members should feel safe while sharing their feelings and problems. As a parent, it means letting your child share their viewpoint without any fear of being judged or punished. A child needs to feel that they will be taken seriously to talk comfortably about mental health, identity, anxiety, or substance abuse. Such children open up easily while struggling or making a difficult decision. So is true of the relationships between siblings and a couple.

You can foster an environment of sharing with:

• Listening

Listen before reacting. Ask if your advice is welcome. And if it is not, leave it for later.

Express your feelings as sometimes, they may not be obvious. Sharing your feelings may bring up new viewpoints and perspectives.

• Being human

Admit your faults and mistakes to make others comfortable while admitting their mistakes.

• Being the Change

Be a model of healthy ways of expressing emotions and be the change you want to see in others.

• Do it together

“A family that eats together, prays together, always stays together.”

The families that spend time together develop closeness that facilitates open communication and sharing. Try to explore interests, sports or other family activities together. Such activities stimulate future conversations and closer relationships and set the stage for solving and preventing family problems.

• Acknowledge the Problem

Many a time, such problems arise from a lack of closeness while others involve something more serious like physical/ emotional abuse. Irrespective of the case, admitting that there is a problem is the first step. Sidelining the issues and pretending as if everything were fine are unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Unless such acknowledgment is there, the existing issues can worsen, trigger negative situations, and end up in lashing out, aggressive arguments, substance abuse, or violence. Acknowledging it enables positive action to fix it and may avert unhealthy coping mechanisms that create negative situations.

Read: The 7 Steps to Handle Negative People With a Smile and Positivity

Many times, people avoid discussing these problems as they believe in avoiding rather than fighting. Regardless, feeling stuck is an indication that a third party is needed to resolve the problem.

Grasp the Deeper Issue

Forget the visible, the fact is – most family problems are outwards signs of deep-rooted problems, knowing which can pave the way for greater empathy among family member.

Substance abuse

Alcohol and other substances are often used to escape from a difficult emotional situation like grief over bereavement, financial troubles, marital conflict, divorce, and the pain of illness or other problems. A therapist can help break down the deeper issues that lead to substance abuse and help recovery.

Leave behind anger and pride

Holding on to anger and pride feeds negative emotions, hampers empathy, thwarts open communication, is damaging to individual mental health and blocks the path to conflict resolution. Prioritize a happier relationship over being hurt or the fear of failure. Where a family problem exists, someone is already hurt, which makes the fear of being hurt again greater. But the potential for healing is real. Focusing on this potential and letting go of negative emotions opens the door to communication, healing and better mental health.

Get Help

Experts on marriage counselling for couples and families assert that therapy is for everyone, not reserved for the mentally sick or weak or those with emotional disorders. Being humans, we need other humans to help us work through problems and therapy provides a safe environment with a trained professional.

Therapists having expertise gained through professional training help you talk about and develop strategies to resolve difficult situations, without any risk of being judged or medicated.

Take Care of Yourself

While trying to solve family issues, taking care of yourself and maintaining good mental health is essential. Positive family dynamics start with a healthy self. Being healthy allows you to let go of negative emotions, which clears the way for open family communication to help the family focus on relationships.

Thanks to its extremely common prevalence, stress is quite a buzzword today, more so in the COVID- 19 scenario. With COVID-19 playing ducks and drakes with our lives in every way possible, the stress experienced by most of us has risen. It’s no surprise then that everyone talks of reducing stress for a more peaceful life. 

Well before we talk of the ways to mitigate it, let’s first grasp what stress is all about. In very simple terms, stress is a normal (and healthy (hold on!), to some extent) psychological and physical reaction to the demands of day to day living. Light stress is, in fact, good for you in that it  propels you towards better performance e.g. before a stage show, the little stress felt by the performer actually helps them rehearse harder and perform better. So far, so good but coping with multiple daily life challenges like long commutes, traffic jams, targets, deadlines, attending social events and managing a family can often test our coping abilities.

From a biological viewpoint, our brains are wired to protect us using an alarm system in the event of a threat. During a threat, our body receives a brain signal to secrete hormones, which ramp up our heart rate and blood pressure – the “fight-or-flight” response. It gives us the fuel to deal with the threat in hand using more oxygen, more energy and the physical and mental rush. Once the threat vanishes, our bodies should return to their normal, relaxed selves. But sadly, it isn’t so in many cases as the hassles of modern living never let some people’s alarm systems shut off. And this unhealthy mental and bodily state greatly harms our mind and body over the long term. 

Symptoms of Excessive Stress

Though stress can show up in many different ways, some of its commonest symptoms are

1. Constant worrying
2. Pains in the chest region, rapid, irregular heartbeat
3. State of nausea/dizziness
4. Long-standing diarrhea/constipation
5. Putting off/ neglecting responsibilities
6. Taking to alcohol/drugs for relaxation and unwinding
7. Over-eating/ not eating enough
8. Being overwhelmed
9. Inability to focus on tasks
10. Anxiety-ridden thoughts
11. Agitation, inability to relax
12. Irritability, “moody” disposition

 Stress Management Training

Stress management training can help us re-calibrate our alarm system to help us adapt and achieve resilience. Without such resilience, we may always be on a high alert and with time, this long-standing stress can lead to health problems. Therefore, waiting until stress actually damages your health, relationships and the quality of life isn’t a sensible thing to do. You can do a lot to drive away the pressures and lead a much more peaceful and tension-free life by practicing stress management techniques.

Experts in mental health counselling opine that among common stressors, job-related pressures, relationship issues or financial troubles are relatively easy to single out. But the seemingly small and innocuous things like waiting in a long line or rushing for a meeting can also raise the stress you feel. To boot, even apparently positive events like tying the nuptial knot or shifting to a new home can be sources of stress. In fact, any change in life – be it positive or negative- can be a potential source of stress.

It’s important to remember that stress will never vanish from our life. Thus, stress management needs to become part of our day to day living. By identifying the stressors in our life and practicing relaxation, we can certainly hope to counter its ill-effects and improve our coping mechanisms. Of course, you don’t have to deal with all by yourself as you can seek help from family and friends.

Importance of stress management training

Constantly elevated levels of stress endanger our entire physical and mental well-being. It  upsets our emotional equilibrium and physical health, interferes with our thinking and functioning and impairs our ability to enjoy life. On the face of it, it appears as if there’s nothing you can do about it. Hold on! You have a lot more control than you think.

Stress management training can help you get rid of stress and become happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal behind this a balanced life in which you have enough time for work, relationships and fun and you can build the resilience to meet challenges. But there isn’t a universal solution here and you’ll have to experiment to find what works best in your case.

Stress Management Techniques

1. Identifying stressors

In stress management counseling, I often tell my clients that training one’s mind is an important part of learning stress management, which begins with pinpointing the sources of stress. Though identifying major stressors like a job change, job loss, moving and divorce may be easy, finding the reasons behind chronic stress can be more complicated as our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors also contribute to the stress we feel.

As a case in point, you may remain worried over deadlines, but this stress may be due to procrastination, rather than due to the demands of your job. In order to find out the real sources of stress, you have to examine your habits, attitude, and excuses and ask:

1. Do you believe your stress is temporary though it has always been present?

(“My plate is full right now”)

1. Do you think stress is an integral part of your being (“My life is always crazy, “I am always awfully nervous)?
2. Do you attribute the blame for your stress to others or external events?

Until you accept the responsibility for your own role in creating / maintaining stress, it is going to be outside your control.

Writing a stress journal

Experts dealing with stress management counselling often advise that for better stress management training, we should make a stress journal to record major, regular stressors and how you handle them. Whenever you are under stress, make a note in your journal to find patterns and common themes like:

Who/ What created the stress?

How was the feeling – physically and emotionally?

What was the way you responded?

What did you do to come out of it?

2. Being Creative

Looking back, I can recall how I maintained our workforce morale during the first lockdown post-COVID-19. The first lockdown was total, strict and quite frustrating, especially for our plant workers, many of whom were stuck away from their homes. In fact, we had made arranged lodging and boarding for many of them, whose families were far away and who were suddenly stuck here. Since no physical movement was no-no, we thought up a creative solution and kept them involved over Zoom meetings every other day. We would discuss creative ideas and believe me, our collective energies and determination helped us create a biodegradable product as a result of our efforts. Not only did they get something meaningful to keep themselves busy, but it also brought about a technological breakthrough, besides reducing their stress levels.

At a personal level, my almost-doctor daughter was stuck at home, feeling bored and stressed. There were no college classes those days and the only thing there was the impending fear of another strict lockdown. Slowly, I gently veered her thoughts towards penning down her ideas, which had been cooking up in her mind for long. Not only did she get a creative outlet, but she also kept busy and brought out her first-ever published work A Million Dreams.   

So, the mantra is – try to be imaginative and creative so as to de-stress yourself!

3. 4 A’s – Avoid, Alter, Adapt and Accept

These four letters are the Bible of Stress Management Techniques. The stress we feel is simply an automatic response of our nervous system but some stressors come up predictably e.g. your commute to work, a meeting with your boss or social events. In the face of such predictable stressors, it’s advisable to change the situation or the way we react with the help of mind power training. We can practice the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept to counter stress.

Avoid

Avoiding a stressful situation (which needs to b addressed) isn’t healthy, but you can eliminate many stressors.

1. Know your limits and say “no” to taking on more than you can handle. Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and say “no” to taking on too much work.
2. Avoid people who stress you out. Limit the time you spend with them or avoid them altogether.
3. Take charge of your own environment. If TV news makes you anxious, stay away. If traffic snarls make you tense, take an alternative route. If a market visit looks unpleasant, go shopping online.
4. Trim down your to-do list. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you have too much on your plate, shift the tasks that are relatively unimportant to the bottom or remove them.

Alter

1. If avoiding a stressor isn’t feasible, alter it by changing the way you communicate and work.
2. Express your feelings. Should something/someone bother you, express your concerns in an assertive, open and respectful manner. If you’ve an upcoming exam and your friend just drops in for chat, tell them you only have five minutes to talk. If you don’t, resentment builds up, which raises your stress level.
3. If you ask someone to change their behavior, be ready to reciprocate. If you both are willing to bend, you can find a middle ground.
4. All work and no play causes burnout. Balance work and family life, social activities and solo pursuits.

Adapt

1. If you can’t change a stressor, change yourself. Adapt to stressful situations to regain control by changing your expectations.
2. Examine a stressful situation from a positive frame of reference. Rather than fretting over an ending traffic jam, pause, listen to music, read a book or enjoy “me” time.
3. Look at the bigger picture. How important will it be in the long run? It is worth being upset over? NO, then focus your energy somewhere else.
4. Do not chase perfection as it creates avoidable stress. If you are looking for perfection in everything you or others do, you may be planning to fail. Try having reasonable standards for yourself and others and being alright with “good enough.”
5. Try practicing gratitude. When you feel overwhelmed with stress, reflect on all those things that you appreciate including your personal qualities.

Accept

Some stressors are simply unavoidable. For example, we can’t prevent a loved one’s demise, some serious illness or economic recession. We need to accept them as they are. Accepting them may be difficult, but it’s much easier than fighting something we can’t change.

1. So many things are out of our control, especially how others behave. So rather than getting stressing out over them, we need to focus on what is in our control i.e.  how we react to them.
2. Look at major challenges opportunities for growth. If you were responsible for a stressful situation, learn from your mistakes.
3. We are living in a world with imperfect people (including ourselves), who constantly make mistakes. Thus, it’s better to let go of your anger and resentment. Forgiving and forgetting is a sensible idea.
4. Give vent to your feelings to find catharsis by talking to a friend/family member.

4. Get moving

One of the most effective Stress Management Techniques, physical activity is a big stress reliever as it releases the feel-good endorphins and can also be a valuable distraction from daily worries.

Regular exercise for 30 minutes or more gives you the most benefit but it’s alright to build up your fitness level over time. Even small activities can add up to a lot over the course of a day. Get up and get going.

1. Dance to music.
2. Take your dog out for a walk.
3. Walk down or cycle to the nearby store for vegetables/ groceries.
4. Avoid the elevator. Use the stairs.
5. Park your car at a far away location and walk the rest of the way.
6. Pair up with an exercise buddy to encourage each other.
7. Play ping-pong or other activity-based video game with your children.

While any physical activity would help you burn away stress, rhythmic activities like walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, and aerobics are especially effective. Choose something enjoyable so that you stick with it.

While exercising, pay conscious attention to your bodily and emotional sensations and focus on coordinating your breathing with the bodily movements. The mindfulness element helps you break the negative cycle that comes with excessive stress.

5. Connecting and Reaching Out

Spending good face time with others who makes you feel safe and understood is a calming experience. Face-to-face interaction triggers hormones to neutralize the body’s “fight-or-flight” response, which is a natural stress reliever (and staves off depression and anxiety). So connect regularly face to face with family and friends.

The people you talk to may not “fix” a problem but they can be good listeners. Do not think of yourself as being weak or being a burden as your loved ones will feel flattered by the trust you repose in them. Nurturing a close friends network can enhance your resilience to stressors.

1. Connect with colleagues.                       B. Help out others.
2. Share lunch/ tea with a friend.                     D. Ask a loved one to check in on you regularly.
3. Accompany someone to a theatre /exhibition/concert.            
4. Call or email a forgotten friend.
5. Go for a walk with a workout buddy.   H. Schedule a weekly dinner date.
6. Meet new people by attending a class or joining a club.
7. Confide in a teacher/mentor/ elder one.

6. Having Fun and Relaxation

Take out some “me” time to reduce the stress in life. Do not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life so much that you forget your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury and you are worth it! With regular fun time, you handle the stresses in a better way.

1. Take out leisure time, rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t let other obligations encroach on this time as you deserve a break to recharge your discharged batteries.
2. Watch the stars, play the piano or go biking- any leisure activity of your choice. Always keep your sense of humour intact, including laughing at yourself. Being able to laughing at oneself is a mark of emotional maturity. Even otherwise, laughter therapy helps you fight stress.
3. Try doing yoga, meditation, and deep breathing to trigger the relaxation response, the opposite of “the fight or flight” response. Your stress level will decline, making you calm and focused.

7. Better Time management

Poor time managers face a lot of stress. If you’re running behind schedule, being calm and focused is not possible. Many of us feel that 24 hours in a day are very less for us to complete our daily works. But, we never realize that every human of the earth has the same time and hours in a day. Some of them cover all the task they are supposed to perform the daily bases and some of them fails in doing so. If you are also struggling like many other people out there, then watch this video:

Additionally, you may be compelled to avoid all those things that drive away stress e.g. socializing and relaxing. You can do many things to find a healthier work-life balance:

1. Make reasonable commitments and avoid packing too much into a day. Often, we tend to underestimate how long things will take, which often lands us in a problem.
2. Make a priority task list and finish them in the order of importance. Tackle the high-priority things first, followed by the rest. If you have something particularly unpleasant or stressful on your list, try to finish it first so that the rest of the day feels more pleasant.
3. Split a project into small, manageable steps and focus on one step at a time. Do not tackle all in one go.
4. Of course, if other people can take care of a task, why not let them do so? Avoid micro-managing or overseeing every little step, thereby letting go of the unnecessary stress. It will also give others a chance to participate and have a sense of responsibility and achievement.

8. Balanced, healthy lifestyle

Apart from regular exercise, other lifestyle choices can also help you beat stress.

9. Have a healthy, balanced diet. A well-fed body is much better prepared to cope with stress. Be very mindful of what you eat. Begin your day with a healthy, nutritious (not heavy) breakfast and have balanced, nutritious meals through the day to keep yourself active and your mind clear.
10. Restrict your caffeine and sugar consumption. They may give you a temporary “high” but often end with a mood crash. A reduced intake of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks will make you feel more relaxed and sleep better.
11. Say no to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Alcohol and drugs look like easy, attractive escape routes from stress, but the relief you get is temporary. Instead, deal with the issue head on with a clear mind.
12. Sufficient, quality sleep restores your body and mind. A feeling of tiredness can worsen your stress as it can make you think irrationally.

9. Quick relief

• If your morning commute, a stressful meeting or an argument with your spouse makes you hassled, you surely need a quick stress management technique.
• The quickest route is deep breathing. You may view your favorite photo, smell a preferred scent, listen to a favorite song, play with your pet to relax and focus quickly.

This, of course, doesn’t always work for everyone. You will have to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that really work for you.

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

Motivation is the inner driving force that propels us to do what we do in life. For example, hunger and safety are biological motives, which drive us to look for food and protection from dangers. Similarly, you have the motives of social affiliation, power and achievement which guide our behavior. In fact, without these motivators, our lives would be bereft of all that is beautiful, desirable and worthwhile to achieve.

As human beings, being active is our default mode, otherwise we would have been born as sloths or panda bears. To strive, want, and move towards something we desire and prize is the very essence of being a human. Therefore, understanding motivation can give us many valuable insights into human nature. It can explain why we fix goals, strive for achievement and power, why we desire psychological intimacy and sex, why we have emotions like fear, anger, and compassion.

Learning about motivation can help us understand where it comes from, why it changes, what heightens or lowers it, and which aspects can or cannot be changed. Motivation brings out valued outcomes like improved performance, wellbeing, growth and a sense of purpose. It can change the way we think, feel, and behave.

Major Benefits of Motivation

Motivation is vital as it lets us adapt, function productively, and maintain wellbeing in the face of a dynamic world of opportunities and threats. Motivation lets us thrive, while its deficit causes us to flounder. Its benefits are visible in greater engagement, higher job satisfaction, and flourishing relationships.

It has many health benefits, too as when our motivation gets depleted, our functioning and wellbeing suffer. A heightened motivation level allows us to change behavior, develop competencies, be creative, set goals, grow interests, make plans, develop talents, and achieve goals. Using the collected wisdom of motivational science to daily living can help us motivate ourselves, our family, children and employees towards the desired goals.

However, there are times in life when we feel de-motivated i.e. empty of any internal desire to do something valuable, move towards a chosen goal or achieve something worthwhile. That’s when we all need some external motivation to help us return to our normal track and raring to go. Such motivation can come in many forms and especially in modern times, there is no dearth of such resources – videos, articles, books, films and other things to handhold us and pave our way to success.

 When it comes to books, inspiration can take many forms. If fiction can propel us to grow just like the characters did, non-fiction is not far behind, with its steady guidance on how to do everything from poetry to professional development. But inspirational books go a little further, especially for those among us in need of that extra push. Here is a carefully curated list of the 25 finest inspirational books, covering a variety of genres, tastes, and perspectives from diverse authors. Despite their apparent differences, they all will guide you to a better future and a better you.

1. The 5 Second Rule-Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

Mel Robbins

This one is great for anyone looking to add a positive push to life and productivity. Mel Robbins reminds us of the immense support we receive from others in life and how it should motivate us to overcome the excuses we have to impede our progress. By discussing many different habits and telling fun stories, Mel Robbins argues that you need only 5 seconds to become confident, stop procrastination, overcome fear, and live a happier life.

The 5 Second Rule has the potential to make you confident, break procrastination, beat fears and become happier. This wildly popular self-help book is built on the 5 second rule: the five seconds you should take whenever you need to push yourself. Robbins’ incredibly successful Ted Talk on this rule has been watched by more than one crore people globally.

2. Educated

Tara Westover

Tara Westover, a Ph.D. historian and scholar entered the classroom for the first time at 17, before which, she had been working in her father’s junkyard. Raised in her father’s non-mainstream views, she had no idea of the Holocaust, slavery, or World War II until she got a thirst for knowledge and began her formal education.

Her Educated is an eye-opening memoir of this insatiable quest and coming-of-age story of self-discovery. It delves seriously into the meaning and importance of education without brushing aside the cost it exacts.

3. The Alchemist

Paul Coelho

A must-read! Mysticism and wisdom combine in this classic, enchanting fable that has sold crores of copies worldwide and it’s not hard to understand why: The Alchemist squeezes great wisdom in just 163 pages, written in a brief fit of inspiration. It comes with self-help advice as the spell-binding story of the Andalusian shepherd boy Santiago, who, driven by prophetic dreams, sets off for the Egyptian pyramids in search of a treasure. The boy travels the world in search of that treasure but ends up discovering vastly different type of riches than he had imagined. On the way to his destination, he hobnobs with kings, faces betrayal, fall and love along with telling us how to reach for our own dreams.

Overall, it encourages us to listen to our hearts, recognize unique opportunities, and pursue our passions.

4. The Art of Happiness

Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler

The very motif of our life is towards happiness.      –         Dalai Lama

Still, reaching the final destination is easier said than done. Fortunately, this compassionate book is here to guide us. It shines light on the idea of compassion for others as the key to personal fulfillment. The Dalai Lama and psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler give you scientific as well as spiritual insights here. The book’s central lesson is humbling and deeply motivating – true happiness isn’t fleeting; rather, it’s an art that requires practice.

5. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Marie Kondo

A rare book that lives up to its title! Marie Kondo is the most famous tidying expert globally, triggering an international craze with her Netflix TV show. The show resulted in crores of people de-cluttering their homes and lives, too. This one is a charismatic book that helps you “spark joy” in life by organizing it. But Kondo argues that tidying doesn’t just mean a cleaner house; it also transforms your mindset and you. The methods are life-changing and it seems magical when you apply them and see the results. 

6. Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success

Adam Grant

Contrary to the common wisdom drilled into our heads in today’s hyper-competitive world, Wharton professor Adam Grant argues that helping others actually improves your career trajectory dramatically. The charity case studies simply blow your mind and can change the way you think about how you need to behave at work. Even the most cynical among us will find value here, knowing that there’s scientific proof of showing goodwill, the old-school way.

7. Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe the World

       William McRaven

Navy Seal Admiral William McRaven became a bestselling author with the hard-won lessons derived from his experiences. He adapted his speech it into Make Your Bed: an ice-bucket challenge on self-care that builds character and puts us in the mindset of service. The ten principles in the book are life lessons from his experiences resisting bullies, failures, and the urge to quit when things got tough. His humorous yet humble book is for those seeking meaning and how-to wisdom and teaches us how the simplest shifts in behavior can change our life.

8. The More You Do The Better You Feel

David Parker

One of the most motivational books ever! Parker’s book on getting past our most dreaded roadblock bares how to overcome avoidance. Recognizing the fact that these things may be born of depression, The More You Do The Better You Feel speaks compassionately to the exhausted and overwhelmed among us to steadfastly face the fears holding them back. By the end of this book, the readers will be able to walk away with great tools for mobilization in work and life.

9. Hidden Solutions All Around You: Why Some People Can See Them and Some Can’t

Daniel Castro

Have you ever wondered why some people spot the right opportunities while others let them pass by? Daniel Castro brings out “the why” of this treasure dynamic using neurological and psychological research. He explains the phenomenon to put the knowledge into action, help you see your blind spots, why they’re there, and how to supersede them effectively. So, if you find yourself amiss at solving problems, this is just what the doctor ordered: Casto’s advice. Read it to find out!

10. Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living

Krista Tippett

Based on her long-running radio show On Being, the collection compiles the wisdom of theologians, poets, scientists, and Buddhists to embrace our fractured world with acceptance, grace, and hope. Using “moral imagination,” Tippett pushes us to tap into our inner empathy to create a new universe of social good and justice. The voices here give you a lifetime of ideas on smarter living in a very inspiring way.

11. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert is most famous for Eat, Pray, Love but Big Magic is about drawing out your inner creative self like a love letter to the artist in you. Written in a conversational, no-frill style, it will help you accomplish your goal – writing a book, making a painting, or creating music. Funny, honest and illuminating, it celebrates art at every level in a never-before manner.

12. Black Elk Speaks

Black Elk, John G. Neihardt, Philip J. Deloria, Vine Deloria Jr.

Black Elk Speaks, a modern classic, has often been compared to the Book of Revelation and the Kabbalah for its prophetic likeness. The 19th-century mystic healer Nicholas Black Elk of the Oglala Lakota tribe takes the center stage with a testimony adapted by John Neihardt. Black Elk’s descriptions of his spiritual visions for humanity and desire for unity on earth have long outweighed other accusations leveled against it. A close reading of Black Elk’s journey inspires hope and optimism for tomorrow. A book to keep in your pocket, especially as we face the threat of climate change in the foreseeable future.

13. Unf*ck Your Brain: Getting Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers with Science

Faith Harper

If you’ve ever been at odds with your mind, this clear guide to brain chemistry is here to help you out. Faith Harper’s Unf*ck Your Brain navigates the complex field expertly in plain, non-academic prose to articulately explain what happens to brain whenever anxiety, anger, addiction, or depression take over. The most outstanding and practical ideas are the actionable techniques and the tips she gives, which pave the path for the reader, especially those who are struggling with traumas.

14. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Jen Sincero

This one is a must-read for those who are into life re-design. Jen provides simple exercises to identify limiting beliefs, attitudes, and habits. She provides great advice in a humorous way, which captivates the readers and motivates them to achieve the success they want. Her goal is to help the readers understand the reasons behind certain thoughts and behaviors and focus on the things we can change and accept those which we cannot.

Overall, the book is a new comical approach to inspiring and motivating and can be enjoyed by anyone.

15. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life                                            

 Mark Manson

Mark Manson tells us to cut it out and to stop trying to be positive always so that we can figure out what we need to do to be better and happier. The book is a refreshing take to counter the motivational books currently out there. Mark doesn’t sugarcoat his and tells it how it is in a brutally honest way. He encourages you to accept our faults and limitations, that life is not always fair, and that despite our best efforts, not everyone will win.

Overall, it gives great philosophical wisdom for our modern generation and has empowered many individuals to control their actions and life.

16. Think and Grow Rich

Napoleon Hill

The book, written during the 1920s Great Depression, addresses the question of becoming wealthy. Equally importantly, Hill talks of the steps we need to avoid as well. Generations of countless readers have profited from the timeless information, words of wisdom, and excellent advice given by Hill. The book is much more than about getting rich; it’s more about figuring out how to get what you want in life! Pick a copy to know for yourself!

17. The Power of Positive Thinking: 10 Traits for Maximum Results

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

This international bestseller, having sold over 50 lakh copies worldwide has helped many people live more fulfilling lives with Peale’s message of faith and hope. The book helps people achieve happiness, more satisfaction and that life is worthwhile. The book instills a belief in one’s self and the determination and motivation to pursue goals with power, control, and persistence.

Overall, a great motivational book for those looking for a dose of motivation in daily life.

18. A Story Can Change Your Life

Ritu Singal and Parul Joshi

The collection of 30 short, inspirational stories touches various aspects of everyday life like parenting, dealing with toxic people, limiting beliefs, backbiting and negativity, getting rid of painful past and moving ahead professionally. The stories feature Kyna, the protagonist-cum-agony aunt, who delivers simple yet actionable life advice in a fun manner with her entertaining stories. Though most of the life lessons here may appear tried and tested to you, it’s the practical, actionable and simple way they are delivered, which makes the collection all the more readable. The simple, everyday lingo makes it a racy, evening-time read.    

Book is also available on Amazon

19. Champions of Change

Champions of Change chronicles real life transformation stories of 20 life coaches, their journey to becoming extraordinary and excelling in every area of life. Champions who came out victorious from their own relationships, financial and personal problems and fatal accidents life now help others lead a better and more fulfilling life.

Each of the champions featured here embraced change with an open mind and became incredible as they realized they had found their core and wanted to help others with transformation and lead a happy, grateful life. The life coaches share their experiences about how life coaching helped them transform themselves in terms of health, finances, relationships, career, personal development and their approach towards life and happiness.

If you are battling ghosts like knowing yourself, your passions, relationships and your purpose in life, pick a copy to transform yourself and find your own best version.

20. High-Hanging Fruit: Build Something Great by Going Where No One Else Will

                                                                Mark Rampolla

Mark Rampolla encourages the readers to reach higher in life endeavors, achieve success and leave their mark on the world. The novel exhorts the reader to align their passion, purpose, and integrity to achieve success in life. The lessons can benefit anyone in any line of work and encourage us to stand up for our beliefs. Rampolla wants us to be true to our core values so that we can fulfill our personal definitions of success and promote significant changes in life.

21. A Million Dreams

Inayat Singla

The doctor-in-making Inayat’s insights about the world of the future may astound you but the fact is, she has got her head and heart firmly in place. The young medico, who also happens to be one of the 32 change makers in the FAIR project undertaken in collaboration with UNESCO. 17 goals, 19+5 nations, 120 crore youth and a million dreams of a world without poverty, without hunger, with equality and good education. All these are the Sustainable Development Goals enunciated by the UNO. The book talks of collective action needed at the grassroots level to make it all happen. She dreams big, with her feet firmly planted on the ground, of a dream world where each head is held high, without any fear, each stomach is full and each head contributes maximally to make the world a better place to live in. A very positive and inspiring read, especially as it comes from a first-time author.

22. Mindset: The New Psychology for Success

Carol S. Dweck

Carol Dweck, while presenting her research, argues that the mindset we adopt is a big predictor of our success. Her belief is that almost every arena of human activity is shaped by our mindset and the way we approach our goals.

In the book, she discusses the downsides of a fixed mindset and the benefits of adopting a growth-oriented mindset. Whereas one mindset defines our abilities as fixed, the other one believes our abilities can be developed provided we are willing to work hard.

A highly motivating paradigm, which can result in amazing accomplishments. Highly recommended!

23. Girl, Stop Apologizing

Rachel Hollis

How precisely Rachel Hollis nails it! Girl, Stop Apologizing was written for a female audience. Too often, she found women failing to live up to their potential due to the fear of imperfection and not being good enough. Rachel sends a wake-up call to women, who see themselves through others’ lenses, instead of how they wish to see themselves.

She encourages women to begin fully pursuing their dreams. She gives a lot of great information regarding which excuses we should steer clear of, which habits to adopt, and the skills that will provide you with the confidence to live the life of your dreams!

24. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

 Angela Duckworth

Psychologist Angela Duckworth argues that the secret to success is individual grit, a unique combo of passion and persistence. Duckworth’s insights here encourage us to never underestimate the power of consistent, long-term action, especially when you’re passionate about a goal. She addresses the thoughts which commonly arise when we fail and gives us the  methods to fight them.

It is one of the best motivational books for you, if you believe that success is all about perseverance and the ability to persist even in tough times.

25. Smarter, Faster, Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business

Charles Duhigg

Smarter, Faster, Better offers eight productivity concepts to help individuals accomplish much more than others. The book outlines the differences between the perspectives of top performers and the less successful ones. These concepts explain how everyday people can improve their lives using the ideas given there. Overall, the book can help anyone learn how to succeed and ensure their average day is productive and not simply busy.

Thanks to its extremely common prevalence, stress is quite a buzzword today, more so in the COVID- 19 scenario. With COVID-19 playing ducks and drakes with our lives in every way possible, the stress experienced by most of us has risen. It’s no surprise then that everyone talks of reducing stress for a more peaceful life. 

Well before we talk of the ways to mitigate it, let’s first grasp what stress is all about. In very simple terms, stress is a normal (and healthy (hold on!), to some extent) psychological and physical reaction to the demands of day to day living. Light stress is in fact, good in that it  propels you towards better performance e.g. before a stage show, the little stress felt by the performer actually helps them rehearse hard and do better. So far, so good but coping with multiple daily life challenges like long commutes, traffic jams, targets, deadlines, attending social events and managing a family can often test our coping abilities.

From a biological viewpoint, our brains are wired to protect us using an alarm system in the event of a threat. During a threat, our body receives a brain signal to secrete hormones, which ramp up our heart rate and blood pressure – the “fight-or-flight” response. It gives us the fuel to deal with the threat in hand using more oxygen, more energy and the physical and mental rush. Once the threat vanishes, our bodies should return to their normal, relaxed selves. But sadly, it isn’t so in many cases as the hassles of modern living never let some people’s alarm systems shut off. And this unhealthy mental and bodily state greatly harms our mind and body over the long term. 

Signs of excessive Stress

Though stress can show up in many different ways, some of its commonest symptoms are

1. Constant worry
2. Pains in the chest region, rapid, irregular heartbeat
3. State of nausea/dizziness
4. Long-standing diarrhea/constipation
5. Putting off/ neglecting responsibilities
6. Taking to alcohol/drugs for relaxation and unwinding
7. Over-eating/ not eating enough
8. Being overwhelmed
9. Inability to focus on tasks
10. Anxiety-ridden thoughts
11. Agitation, inability to relax
12. Irritability, “moody” disposition

 Stress management training

Stress management training can help us re-calibrate our alarm system to help us adapt and achieve resilience. Without such resilience, we may always be on a high alert and with time, this long-standing stress can lead to health problems. Therefore, waiting until stress actually damages your health, relationships and the quality of life isn’t a sensible thing to do. You can do a lot to drive away the pressures and lead a much more peaceful and tension-free life by practicing stress management techniques.

Among common stressors, job-related pressures, relationship issues or financial troubles are relatively easy to single out. But the seemingly small and innocuous things like waiting in a long line or rushing for a meeting can also raise the stress you feel. To boot, even apparently positive events like tying the nuptial knot or shifting to a new home can be sources of stress. In fact, any change in life – be it positive or negative- can be a potential source of stress.

It’s important to remember that stress will never vanish from our life. Thus, stress management needs to become part of our day to day living. By identifying the stressors in our life and practicing relaxation, we can certainly hope to counter its ill-effects and improve our coping mechanisms. Of course, you don’t have to deal with all by yourself as you can seek help from family and friends.

Importance of stress management training

Constantly elevated levels of stress endanger our entire physical and mental well-being. It  upsets our emotional equilibrium and physical health, interferes with our thinking and functioning and impairs our ability to enjoy life. On the face of it, it appears as if there’s nothing you can do about it. Hold on! You have a lot more control than you think.

Stress management training can help you get rid of stress and become happier, healthier, and more productive. The ultimate goal behind this a balanced life in which you have enough time for work, relationships and fun and you can build the resilience to meet challenges. But there isn’t a universal solution here and you’ll have to experiment to find what works best in your case.

Stress Management Techniques

1. Identifying stressors

Training your mind is an important part of learning stress management, which begins with pinpointing the sources of stress. Though identifying major stressors like a job change, job loss, moving and divorce may be easy, finding the reasons behind chronic stress can be more complicated as our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors also contribute to the stress we feel.

As a case in point, you may remain worried over deadlines, but this stress may be due to procrastination, rather than due to the demands of your job. In order to find out the real sources of stress, you have to examine your habits, attitude, and excuses and ask:

1. Do you believe your stress is temporary though it has always been present?

(“My plate is full right now”)

1. Do you think stress is an integral part of your being (“My life is always crazy, “I am always awfully nervous)?
2. Do you attribute the blame for your stress to others or external events?

Until you accept the responsibility for your own role in creating / maintaining stress, it is going to be outside your control.

Writing stress journal

For better stress management training, make a stress journal to record major, regular stressors and how you handle them. Whenever you are under stress, make a note in your journal to find patterns and common themes like:

Who/ What created the stress?

How was the feeling – physically and emotionally?

What was the way you responded?

What did you do to come out of it?

2. Being Creative

Looking back, I can recall how I maintained our workforce morale during the first lockdown post-COVID-19. The first lockdown was total, strict and quite frustrating, especially for our plant workers, many of whom were stuck away from their homes. In fact, we had made arranged lodging and boarding for many of them, whose families were far away and who were suddenly stuck here. Since no physical movement was no-no, we thought up a creative solution and kept them involved over Zoom meetings every other day. We would discuss creative ideas and believe me, our collective energies and determination helped us create a biodegradable product as a result of our efforts. Not only did they get something meaningful to keep themselves busy, but it also brought about a technological breakthrough, besides reducing their stress levels.

At a personal level, my almost-doctor daughter was stuck at home, feeling bored and stressed. There were no college classes those days and the only thing there was the impending fear of another strict lockdown. Slowly, I gently veered her thoughts towards penning down her ideas, which had been cooking up in her mind for long. Not only did she get a creative outlet, but she also kept busy and brought out her first-ever published work A Million Dreams.   

So, the mantra is – try to be imaginative and creative so as to de-stress yourself!

3. 4 A’s – Avoid, Alter, Adapt and Accept

The stress we feel is simply an automatic response of our nervous system but some stressors come up predictably e.g. your commute to work, a meeting with your boss or social events. In the face of such predictable stressors, it’s advisable to change the situation or the way we react with the help of mind power training. We can practice the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept to counter stress.

 Avoid

Avoiding a stressful situation (which needs to be addressed) isn’t healthy, but you can eliminate many stressors.

1. Know your limits and say “no” to taking on more than you can handle. Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and say “no” to taking on too much work.
2. Avoid people who stress you out. Limit the time you spend with them or avoid them altogether.
3. Take charge of your own environment. If TV news makes you anxious, stay away. If traffic snarls make you tense, take an alternative route. If a market visit looks unpleasant, go shopping online.
4. Trim down your to-do list. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you have too much on your plate, shift the tasks that are relatively unimportant to the bottom or remove them.

Alter

1. If avoiding a stressor isn’t feasible, alter it by changing the way you communicate and work.
2. Express your feelings. Should something/someone bother you, express your concerns in an assertive, open and respectful manner. If you’ve an upcoming exam and your friend just drops in for chat, tell them you only have five minutes to talk. If you don’t, resentment builds up, which raises your stress level.
3. If you ask someone to change their behavior, be ready to reciprocate. If you both are willing to bend, you can find a middle ground.
4. All work and no play causes burnout. Balance work and family life, social activities and solo pursuits.

Adapt

1. If you can’t change a stressor, change yourself. Adapt to stressful situations to regain control by changing your expectations.
2. Examine a stressful situation from a positive frame of reference. Rather than fretting over an ending traffic jam, pause, listen to music, read a book or enjoy “me” time.
3. Look at the bigger picture. How important will it be in the long run? It is worth being upset over? NO, then focus your energy somewhere else.
4. Do not chase perfection as it creates avoidable stress. If you are looking for perfection in everything you or others do, you may be planning to fail. Try having reasonable standards for yourself and others and being alright with “good enough.”
5. Try practicing gratitude. When you feel overwhelmed with stress, reflect on all those things that you appreciate including your personal qualities.

Accept

Some stressors are simply unavoidable. For example, we can’t prevent a loved one’s demise, some serious illness or economic recession. We need to accept them as they are. Accepting them may be difficult, but it’s much easier than fighting something we can’t change.

1. So many things are out of our control, especially how others behave. So rather than getting stressed out over them, we need to focus on what is in our control i.e.  how we react to them.
2. Look at major challenges as opportunities for growth. If you were responsible for a stressful situation, learn from your mistakes.
3. We are living in a world with imperfect people (including ourselves), who constantly make mistakes. Thus, it’s better to let go of your anger and resentment. Forgiving and forgetting is a sensible idea.
4. Give vent to your feelings to find catharsis by talking to a friend/family member.

4. Get going

Physical activity is a big stress reliever as it releases the feel-good endorphins and can also be a valuable distraction from daily worries.

Regular exercise for 30 minutes or more gives you the most benefit but it’s alright to build up your fitness level over time. Even small activities can add up to a lot over the course of a day. Get up and get going.

1. Dance to music.
2. Take your dog out for a walk.
3. Walk down or cycle to the nearby store for vegetables/ groceries.
4. Avoid the elevator. Use the stairs.
5. Park your car at a far away location and walk the rest of the way.
6. Pair up with an exercise buddy to encourage each other.
7. Play ping-pong or other activity-based video game with your children.

While any physical activity would help you burn away stress, rhythmic activities like walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, and aerobics are especially effective. Choose something enjoyable so that you stick with it.

While exercising, pay conscious attention to your bodily and emotional sensations and focus on coordinating your breathing with the bodily movements. The mindfulness element helps you break the negative cycle that comes with excessive stress.

5. Reaching out

Spending good face time with others who makes you feel safe and understood is a calming experience. Face-to-face interaction triggers hormones to neutralize the body’s “fight-or-flight” response, which is a natural stress reliever (and staves off depression and anxiety). So connect regularly face to face with family and friends.

The people you talk to may not “fix” a problem but they can be good listeners. Do not think of yourself as being weak or being a burden as your loved ones will feel flattered by the trust you repose in them. Nurturing a close friends network can enhance your resilience to stressors.

1. Connect with colleagues.                       B. Help out others.
2. Share lunch/ tea with a friend.                     D. Ask a loved one to check in on you regularly.
3. Accompany someone to a theatre /exhibition/concert.            
4. Call or email a forgotten friend.
5. Go for a walk with a workout buddy.   H. Schedule a weekly dinner date.
6. Meet new people by attending a class or joining a club.
7. Confide in a teacher/mentor/ elder one.

6. Fun

Take out some “me” time to reduce the stress in life. Do not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life so much that you forget your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury and you are worth it! With regular fun time, you handle the stresses in a better way.

1. Take out leisure time, rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t let other obligations encroach on this time as you deserve a break to recharge your discharged batteries.
2. Watch the stars, play the piano or go biking- any leisure activity of your choice. Always keep your sense of humour intact, including laughing at yourself. Being able to laughing at oneself is a mark of emotional maturity. Even otherwise, laughter therapy helps you fight stress.
3. Try doing yoga, meditation, and deep breathing to trigger the relaxation response, the opposite of “the fight or flight” response. Your stress level will decline, making you calm and focused.

7. Time management

Bad time managers always face a lot of stress. If you’re too stretched and are running behind schedule, staying calm and focused is impossible. Plus, you may be tempted to avoid all the healthy things you should do to control stress e.g. socializing and relaxing. There are things you can do to attain a healthier work-life balance.

1. Make only reasonable commitments and avoid scheduling things back-to-back or packing too much into a day. Often, we underestimate how long things can take and then land in a problem.
2. Prioritize your tasks by making a list of tasks and finish them in order of importance. Tackle the high-priority items first and so on. For something particularly unpleasant or stressful, finish it early so that the rest of the day feels more pleasant.
3. Break your projects into small, manageable steps and focus on one step at a time, rather than taking on everything in one go.
4. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them do so? Avoid controlling or overseeing every little step, thereby letting go of the unnecessary stress.

8. Balanced, healthy lifestyle

Besides regular exercise, other healthy lifestyle choices are an important part of stress management training that can improve your resistance to stress.

1. Eat a healthy, balanced diet as a well-nourished body is better prepared to cope with stress. So be very mindful of your eating and begin your day right with a healthy breakfast and follow it with balanced, nutritious meals through the day to keep you active and your mind clear.
2. Try to limit the caffeine and sugar intake as the temporary “highs” they bring often end with a mood crash. By reducing the intake of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks, you’ll feel more relaxed and will sleep better.
3. Stay away from alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Alcohol and drugs may be an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t evade the issue at hand. Deal with it head on and with a clear mind.
4. Adequate, quality sleep rests your mind and rejuvenates your body. Feeling tired worsens your stress as it may cause you to think irrationally.

9. Quick relief

If you’re harried by your morning commute, are stuck in a stressful meeting or are hassled over an argument with your spouse, you need a quick stress management technique.

The quickest route to stress relief is deep breathing. View a favorite photo, smell a specific scent, listen to your favorite song, play with your pet for quick relaxation and focus. There isn’t  any one thing that always works, of course, you will need to experiment to find the unique sensory experiences that work best in your case.