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Nobody can deny that parenting is not an easy job in today’s world. Earlier things were different but now everything has changed, technology, social life, lifestyle, relationships, every aspect has changed, and so the parenting styles.

I have talked about different parenting styles in my previous blogs. Your parenting style has a huge effect on your relationship with your child. 

Parenting is all about teaching your child essential skills and giving the right values and life lessons. However many parents encounter problems while doing so.

These issues may arise due to various reasons. It could be their thought process, parenting style, mindset, and habits to scold and blame kids for several situations. 

Let us understand this way. I know it’s a modern world, and technology has become a basic need but that doesn’t mean that parents should give smartphones to their little kids. Everything should be at the right time.

I told to my daughters that I will give them the best smartphone once they passed out of 12th and enter a professional college. But before that don’t demand a phone from me. They may have felt that Mumma was being strict at that time, but later they understood that it was the right decision. 

Several parents visit me for parent counseling services because they are facing parenting issues. Sometimes it’s so hurtful when I hear about their issues.

Some are worried because their children do not respect them, kids are hateful toward their siblings, children do not listen to their parents, children feel that their parents are their enemies, they do not love them, and many more unbelievable issues. 

In such situations, parents feel that they have failed to raise their children well. These feelings are making parents stressed and even depressed.

You would not believe even some people who are in their 50s come to me for parent counseling because they are not having good relationships with their children. They feel sad because their children are not like they have expected them to be. 

Parents need to understand that parenting begins right from childhood, there is no use in regretting later when time has passed.

People need to understand the role of parent counseling because it helps both children and parents in many ways. And most importantly, people need to understand the concept of parent counseling before assuming anything. 

What Is Parent Counseling?

When you become parents, it feels like a  blissful experience but steadily you feel that it’s the most demanding job. It is quite easy to teach your little one how to walk, talk and go to the toilet. But when it comes to teaching them values and essential life skills it’s not that easy. 

Many parents tell me that they have read so many parenting books, and watched many parenting tricks videos but still, they are not able to teach their kids what they want or their kids do not share things with them, and many other issues. So here the parent counseling services come in handy. 

Parent counseling intends to stock up parents with knowledge, tools, guidance, and emotional support without any kind of judgment. The counseling services are more focused on how parents influence the dynamics of your parenting and family. 

Parent counseling involves different modalities to help parents better understand their parenting style and then go deeper to understand the impacts of various situations on kids and how parents can transform their parenting styles depending on different situations. 

It’s very simple to understand that if parents are well prepared to resolve and manage their personal issues, they can devote their complete attention to developing, maintaining, and restoring harmony in their families.

Parents hold a greater capacity to make necessary behavioral alterations that can benefit their families. 

Bursting The Myths About Parent Counseling With Life Coach Ritu Singal

• Parent counseling services are expensive. 

Let me tell you something, the value it provides to your family and your relationship with your child, you will feel it is much cheaper. Every single session of parent counseling service is worth it.

• It shows that my family is in crisis and weak.

Getting parent counseling has nothing to do with crises or weaknesses. It’s just that, as parents, you care for your kids, you want to build an amazing relationship with your children and you are taking professional help to strengthen your parenting skills. 

• I can talk to my family and friends so no need for counseling. 

Yes, of course, you can talk to them and ask for suggestions. However, when you consider counseling, you get professional help. You get rid of the emotional load you are carrying as parents without being judged. 

• Counselors blame parents for child’s matters

Parenting therapy is not about blaming anyone, it’s about joining and creating a strong bond between parents and children. a counselor listens to both parents and children carefully without being biased. They are parenting experts not blaming experts. 

Who Should Seek Parent Counseling?

Every family has some issues, arguments, conflicts, and stress. What matters is how you handle and resolve these situations because that teaches the same to your children. Parent counseling services offer you fair-minded support and guidance that help you comprehend and recognize the requirements of your child and family, contributing to healthy relationships. 

I suggest every parent should attend at least one session to develop or enhance their parenting skills and to understand the parent-child relationship even better. However, parent counseling services are necessary if:

• Parents are going through marital issues

Marital matters between parents have an enormous impact on your children. It is highly essential to work on your issues and resolve them to make sure the child does not perceive distorted insights for love and marriage. 

• Parents are suffering from health conditions

If parents are suffering from any kind of illness as well as mental health problems, they may not be able to be completely present with the children. They may not be capable enough to accomplish all their parental responsibilities. 

• Parents are getting separated or divorced

Parental separations and divorces are as much distressing for kids as for the partners. Being a  single parent comes with many challenges as they need to handle their children’s emotional well-being. It may not be easy for children to accept the change. 

• Parents are experiencing violence or abuse

If any of the parents are experiencing domestic violence or abusive relationship it significantly impacts the child. The child may develop fear and tension that further contribute to aggression. 

• Parents are dealing with any kind of loss

When parents are experiencing loss, be it a child, marriage, spouse, business, or job, can pointedly disturb the child just like the parent. In that case, parents feel stressed and may not be able to handle their parental duties. 

• Parents are addicted to alcohol or drugs

Substance abuse is the most common issue across the world. It is most harmful when children see their parents addicted to alcohol or drugs. Such parents are not able to keep up with their parenting responsibilities. It may cause mental health issues in children. 

• Parents are stressed about teenage children’s matters

Sometimes children are the reason for stress, especially when you have a teenage child. They drastically transform within a very short period. Usually, parents are most worried about their teenagers because they are prone to substance abuse, bullying, and mental health. 

• Parents are unhappy about their relationship with their children

Parents may feel that their children are not like they wanted them to be. Children do not behave well, they do not respect their parents, not loving towards their siblings, or do not follow the values you are teaching them as parents. 

What To Expect When You Embark On Parent Counseling Services

Many of them have already heard so much about parent counseling so I can understand what is going on in their minds.

So, let me clear your mind. Here is what you can expect once you begin with parent psychotherapy or parent counseling.

• Learning and understanding different parenting styles

Different parents raise their children with different parenting styles. You can read my previous blog to know more about different parenting styles.

Parent counseling helps you detect your parenting style and how you need to change it depending on the situation. Because as your children grow you need to adapt to their needs, so you need to alter your parenting style. 

• Understanding the family dynamics

Other than parenting style, what impacts your parenting is family dynamics. A parenting coach speaks to parents to comprehend the family, the role of parents and other caregivers and financial status, etc. The parenting expert makes you understand how family dynamics impact your child’s development. 

• Comprehending your child and you as parents

A parent-child counselor helps parents attain a more profound understanding of their children and themselves. They can help parents recognize the issues that the child may not be able to understand or express to them. This way counseling can bring value to the parent-child relationship.

• Presenting clarifications for your choices and decisions

Many parent-child conflicts happen when your child doesn’t agree with your parenting decisions. Most parents who visit me complain that their children are never happy about their parenting choices. It’s the story of almost every house. 

A parenting coach teaches you how to give genuine explanations for your decisions to make children understand better. You learn how to make your child comprehend the thought process behind your parenting choices. 

How Parent Counseling Will Benefit Me And My Family

Seeking expert guidance can help you and your family battle with much bigger challenges. Parent counseling services ensure that every concern is addressed and handled properly.

Parent counseling services help you learn tools and techniques to recognize the issues affecting your children. It prepares you with communication tools to make your child comfortable while sharing anything with you. 

I always said to my daughters that even if they commit a murder, do come to me and tell me. Do not hide anything from me. I am your mother, I am always there for you, and you can share anything with me. I will never judge you, no matter what.

Today, I feel so glad that my daughter is so comfortable sharing every single aspect of their life with me. This comfort doesn’t develop overnight, you need to put your efforts to make your children feel at ease with you. 

So here I am throwing light on the benefits you will get when you begin with parent counseling services. 

> You better understand your inherent parenting style. You will know the good and bad of your parenting pattern, it will help you work through the bad ones and maximize the good ones. 

> You learn conflict-resolving skills and when you practice these skills your child will also learn these skills. It will teach your child that conflicts are normal, you just need to handle them well. 

> Counseling help to get closer to your kid. Teenage kids mostly try to keep their parents at bay, even if you are close to your child, they may not tell you what is happening in their lives. A parenting coach helps train you how to handle such situations. 

> You learn how to correct your child’s behavior without making them feel bad. A therapist can help you recognize grave behavioral issues that can impact your child’s mental health. They work with you to minimize or shut down these behaviors.

> Parent counseling improves communication lines within the family. As I always say, communication is the key to any relationship.

Counseling helps parents and children understand their roles and demonstrate the excellent outcomes of honest communication. It makes them understand one another supportively without coining conflicts. 

> Transform yourself as a confident parent. With parenting counseling, you get an unbiased view of the parenting issues you are facing and ways to handle them smartly.

It makes you confident about your parenting abilities as you learn different ways to comprehend your child’s emotions and needs even better.

Read: Emotionally Disturbed Child

Parent Counseling Services May Take Time 

Some of the parents are in a hurry to get results, even from parent counseling services. Well, I can understand their hurry, they want to make things better as quickly as possible.

You may want to overcome conflicts as soon as you begin with psychotherapy by successfully implementing newly learned skills and techniques. 

Parent counseling is definitely a result driven but noticeable results don’t appear overnight. It may take some time to bear the expected fruits. So have patience, and do not assume that everything will be satisfied immediately. 

Read:

Indian Parenting: Common Mistakes and Solutions
Parenting Techniques for Working Parents
Bringing Up Parents: A Modern Guide to Parenting in the Digital Age

Concluding Words

All parents are good and put their best efforts to raise their kids well. If your kids are not meeting your expectations and you are considering parent counseling services that don’t mean you are failing as parents.

However, that means you want to enhance your efforts toward your parenting responsibilities. Getting into counseling means you care for your children and you want to be the best parent for them. 

Counselling aims to equip you with all essential parenting skills. Do not fall for myths or any misinterpretations instead consult a parenting coach and get answers to your queries. Step out to enhance yourself as a parent and you yourself will know its worth. 

These days, Self Love is the talk of every town. It seems interesting, but a lot of people are not aware of what exactly self-love is about. And most people think that Self Love is Selfish. 

Being a Life Coach I met many people who visit me for counseling, and I am so surprised to see that Self Love is alien to them. A lot of people believe that to live a happy life, they need to get love and acceptance from others. However, it is not the right assumption. 

Self Love is accepting yourself just the way you are, treating yourself with respect and compassion, and nurturing your well beings. And the best thing is, Self Love is a skill you can learn and develop just like self-trust and self-confidence. 

Self Love is not just about loving and accepting yourself, it’s beyond that. In this blog, I am going to take you on a Self Love ride. I will talk about the difference between Self Love and Selfish and everything you need to know about this concept. 

What is Self Love?

Self Love is having elevated affection for your own happiness and well-being. It’s all about prioritizing yourself just like you prioritize your family and loved ones. It means taking good care of yourself and not sacrificing your own well-being to make others happy. 

Self Love involves how you treat yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. The moment you begin to conceptualize Self Love, just imagine how you would feel about yourself, how would you talk to yourself and what would you do for yourself.

It could be different for every individual because every person has particular means of taking care of themselves. Reckoning what self-love is for you is essential for your mental wellness and Successful Life. 

When you start loving yourself, you develop a positive outlook toward yourself as well as others. I will not say that you will never have negative feelings.

Let’s talk a bit more realistically, you may have a negative feeling about yourself for a  few minutes or hours because you can’t control many things. However, that doesn’t mean that you blame yourself or be rude to yourself or stop loving yourself. 

Let’s take an example. I love my daughters even if I sometimes feel annoyed or disappointed with them. Even amid my disappointment, my love for them enlightens the way I connect to them.

It makes me forgive my kids, consider their feelings, get to know their needs, and make decisions that support their well-being. Self-love is exactly similar, which means if you can love others so well why not yourself? 

Self-Love For Beginners:

Beginners can start practicing self-love by accepting themselves with all their flaws and talents. Simply try to accept your emotions and consider your own emotional, mental and physical well-being first. It’s just another way of Personal Development where you work towards your growth. 

• Talk to yourself about yourself, your likes, dislikes, pleasures, etc. 
• Prioritize yourself like your health and happiness.
• Trust yourself, no matter what. Believe in yourself, you can do anything.
• Get rid of self-judgment, and accept yourself just the way you are.
• Be true and nice to yourself, and show empathy to yourself.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes and for not being nice to yourself. 
• Consume a healthy diet and also enjoy your favorite foods.
• Listen to your body, do not overburden or force it.
• Get regular work breaks to refresh and rejuvenate yourself.
• Switch off your mobile phone and connect to your inner self or your dear ones. 

Why Do You Need to Love Yourself?

When it comes to Self Love, many people ask me, why we need to love ourselves. Is it required? So, tell me one thing, why do you need to love your parents, partners, kids, and your friends? I know I am about to get so many different answers.

Let’s understand it.

This question is coming to your mind because you matured up without any kind of self-love models or no one talked to you about the significance of being good to yourself. That is why you are questioning the value of Self Love. 

Think like this, self-love motivates your positive behaviors reducing the destructive negative behaviors. When you try to develop a mindset where you are accepting yourself with all your flaws, it’s very obvious you are more likely to accept other people with their flaws as well.

When you start prioritizing your happiness, it allows you to say no to the things that you know are not good for you. It helps you build self-compassion. 

Loving yourself protects you from negative thoughts, self-disruption, and forcing yourself too far. It makes you realize that saying no is equally important as saying yes. It encourages self-care which means lower stress and a Successful Life. Self Love allows you to practice self-care, follow your interests and be proud of yourself. 

You know what, when you do not consider yourself you are more likely to be extremely self-critical. You easily fall into perfectionism and people-pleasing. You become habitual to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others because you don’t love yourself.

You steadily start to neglect your feelings and necessities because you do not know your worth. And trust me, it can not let you stay happy as you may make wrong decisions that don’t interest you anyway. 

What Does Self-Love Look Like?

So now you know why you need to love yourself. Next comes, what it looks like. As I said earlier it’s somewhat like Personal Development. These are very simple things you can do in your daily life and onboard your self-love journey. 

Self Love appears like

• Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and mess-ups.
• Saying positive and kind words to yourself.
• Figuring out and fulfilling your own needs and desires.
• Being self-confident and self-assured.
• Not allowing people to take advantage of you.
• Prioritizing your own health, happiness, and well-being. 
• Spending time with positive people who support you and encourage you.
• Avoiding negative people who judge you and spread negativity.
• Pursuing your interests and hobbies.
• Respecting and cherishing your feelings without judging yourself.
• Recognizing your flaws as well as strengths. 
• Letting go of anger and resentments that grip you back.
• Making health-friendly choices and offering healthy treats to yourself. 
• Accepting your flaws and imperfections and working towards improvement. 
• Considering your values and establishing genuine expectations.
• Tracking your efforts and progress and appreciating yourself for them. 

Difference Between Self Love And Selfish

Now coming to the most important question about loving yourself. So many people out there label self-love as selfish. But it’s not true. Self-love can not be selfish, it is just like you love others, you can love yourself too.

Self Reflection or self-likeness is having an appreciation, empathy, and affection for yourself. When you have a great sense of self-love you comprehend your own morals and lovingly treat yourself. 

Unlike selfishness, which is excessive self-interest, egotism, and extreme self-absorption, Self Love is a positive attribute. Loving yourself means you know your brightness and dimness and you are ok with both.

It can be an inspiration for others because it is like a ray of hope in a lonely path and an encouraging outlook in every failure. 

Self Love Can Never Be Selfish

Just because you love yourself and care for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. Think of the other side, if you can love yourself well, you can love others even much more.

No one should feel guilty for loving themselves, it’s the love no you can never receive from others. Just think like that, how can you express true love to others, if you have never gotten the love that you require within yourself? 

Reasons Why Self-Love is Not Selfish:

• It develops a constructive mindset towards yourself as well as the people around you.
• It allows Self-Reflection and allows you to set healthy boundaries with people. 
• It helps you get in touch with your inner self, your emotions, and your feelings.
• It allows you to face your fears, fight them and follow your passions and dreams that can inspire others. 
• It encourages you to be yourself with grace and confidence. 
• It builds self-respect and respect for others as well. 
• It allows you to prioritize your happiness so you have enough time to love and care for others. 

Loving Yourself is The Key Ingredient For A Happy and Successful Life

Self-love is simply being happy, with yourself, for yourself, and for the happiness of the people you love. Liking yourself and not expect others to like you, setting standards for yourself, being a source of motivation to others, and prompting contentment for others. 

Self-love is not selfish, it is deepened with immense caring for self as well as others. It is another way of saying, Let me love myself first so that I can love you even more. I think people consider Self Love as selfish because of social conditioning. 

The Way You Be in Love With Yourself, You Are Teaching Others To Love You.

Right from the beginning, we come across several love stories including sacrifice and compassion, and this way we begin to feel that we should love our family, parents, friends, and partners and somewhere start feeling selfish about self-love. 

The quality of your relationships depends on how you think about yourself. If you are not good to yourself, you do not treat yourself well, and you are loaded with self-doubt and disapproval, believe me, sooner or later it will begin reflecting in your interactions with others. 

Let’s take the example of Lord Buddha. He was born with great wealth and comfort but he relinquished everything in the pursuit of knowledge, self-realization, and self-reflection.

However, that doesn’t mean he did not work on him. Of course, he did. How would it have been possible for him to love other people and his followers if he did not love himself? First, he worked on himself, loved himself then taught others. 

Self-love and self-regard are essential and people who fail to comprehend these concepts mostly struggle with various aspects of life such as relationships, careers, and finances. 

A typical example of self-care is when you board the flight. The air hostess tells passengers that there is an oxygen mask right above their heads. In case of emergency first put on your mask and then help others, even if you are with your kid. 

So the people who say self-love is selfish may also sound selfish to them. However, if you analyze it logically, it makes sense. 

Suppose you are traveling with your 8 years old child and there is some trouble on the flight. The oxygen mask appears above your head and you start panicking about your kid, which is very obvious. You decide to first put the mask on your child but you get faint before you could do something.

The result is you and your child both could not wear the mask and your lives are in danger. Whereas if you had chosen to wear the oxygen mask first, you both would have been safe.

I am not advising you not to think about others, helping others and doing good to others is great but make sure it is not affecting your own well-being. Don’t sacrifice yourself for the sake of others. To help others, first learn to help yourself. 

Self-Love is Personal Development.

Right from childhood, we are taught that we should care for others, show empathy to others, and love our parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends. However, very few children are taught to love themselves as well. We are not taught how to love ourselves, and that is why when we try to focus on ourselves, we may feel guilty or seem selfish.

But it’s not, it’s like developing a new self. When you practice self-love you work for yourself, improve yourself, and develop yourself just the way you desired. 

Self-love is a skill that everybody needs, it’s great for you, your health, and also for people around you. As you practice self-love and self-care you will notice that often you feel restored, and improved, you have better opportunities and amended relationships with others. 

Here are a few hand-picked guides for you to read:

• A Life Coach On Personality Development
• Personality Development- The Perfect Route to Attain Success
• Gain Confidence with Personality Development Counselling

How to Practice Self-Love

There are numerous ways to practice self-love. A particular person may have his own definition of self-love. And you know what, once you start loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are, you tend to explore new ways to lift your happiness and well-being.

However, as a Life Coach, I am sharing my personal favorite ways to love yourself and make yourself feel better. 

• Be mindful of what you think, how you feel, and what you desire.
• Take care of your needs, and nourish yourself with good nutrition, proper sleep, and healthy interactions. 
• Practice self-love meditation to shift your thoughts so that you can focus on new kinds of stuff such as the ways you are good and valuable and a lot more. 
• Be warm towards yourself and others. Being affectionate and loving towards yourself and others, allows you to develop a love-filled environment around you. 
• Focus on the positive traits and goodness in you and your life. Be grateful for the goodness in your life and try writing it every day. 
• Don’t hesitate to say no when it is required. Setting boundaries and saying no is very important sometimes. 
• Please yourself regularly, give treats to yourself for small achievements or maybe without any reason. But make sure it should not lead to self-disruption.
• Nobody is born perfect in this world. So accept your flaws and imperfections without being hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and improve them rather than blaming and punishing yourself. 
• If someone doesn’t like you, accept it. Some people will like you, some may not. That’s ok, try to let it go and move on with people who actually love you. 
• Self Reflection, spend time with just yourself, being alone, and observing yourself and your life. 
• Try to nurture a copious mindset. It works like a blessing as it allows you to focus on the encouraging and positive aspects of life. 

Concluding Words

Is Self Love Selfish? No, My Dear Self Love is Essential.

Your whole basis starts with you. Talking about your relationship, which can not endure without you. how you treat your relationships and how you take your life is a direct imitation of how you treat yourself, that simply means self-love is necessary. It is an essential skill that everybody should learn and practice.

Just make sure to consider yourself, pamper yourself, nurture your relationship with yourself just like you do with others, and enjoy your life. As I always say, start with baby steps and then keep going. 

Not very long ago, the C word (Cancer) used to be a dreaded but popular currency but now we are living in the “Age of Depression” as the number of depressive people is skyrocketing worldwide. A government survey puts the number of Indians in need of professional help for mental disorders at 13 crore i.e. every 11th Indian is a psychological patient. If you couple it with the fact of India having too few psychiatrists to handle this virtual epidemic, the spectre gets horrifying. A great majority of those afflicted suffer from mood disorders, mainly depression, of which married women are the worst affected (my hunch, too), as they are constrained by so many personal, familial, social and economic limitations.

Though most millennials use the D word like a loose change, as a practicing life coach, I can tell you with confidence – Depression is more debilitating, incapacitating and wasting than they can possibly think of. For many people, a bad exam, a tiff with a partner or a professor or friend’s remark may be enough to make them feel depressed (They are not! They are just sad.). But in sharp contrast, for professional mental health caregivers, it is a much more pregnant, serious and persistent phenomenon to the extent that it implies great personal, social and economic loss causing absenteeism, low productivity, poor life quality, bad relationships, separations, divorces and suicides. A study by NIMHANS, Bengaluru shows depression to be a major trigger in a majority of the suicides in India. More tragically, a good enough number among these suicides are committed by young people.    

So, the popular idea of depression is a gross distortion of a severely limiting mental disorder. Sadly, most of us are oblivious to the great price we are paying for ignoring its grave consequences.

There is hope

Being a life coach, I get to talk to many people with depression. Such problems contribute to the issues which people bring to a life coach. Besides, being the daughter of a severely depressed mother and a depressive patient myself, I can well understand the personal distress, dysfunction and the social costs of depression. My mother had developed severe depression when I was a young schooler. She lay in bed all day long, hardly moving out of it. Though I wasn’t alive to it then, I could still make out that not all was well with her. And at a point in time, her condition worsened so much that she had to be given electro-convulsive therapy to give her some relief. 

Later, my husband committed suicide, leaving behind two teenage daughters and me, a 60-crore debt, multiple court cases to fight, and a new textile plant to manage. I believed I, too, would slip into a depressive cycle given my harrowing circumstances and my genes. But mercifully, I could collect the pieces of life with determination and positive attitude to rebuild my life. So much so that I took training to become a qualified life coach to help others to improve their lives. My story is a message to all of the immense value of hope, optimism and determination to come out of life’s adversities. 

Signs and Symptoms of depression

Depression is a common but serious medical illness which can negatively affect your feelings, thoughts and actions. Though the symptoms of depression  vary, in general, depression leads to persistent sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It creates many emotional and physical problems and reduces your ability to function effectively both at home and the workplace.

Of course, being disappointed, dejected or sad over events is pretty common in daily life and is not a symptom of depression. Such feelings lift on their own and no medication or other medical help is required. But depression goes much beyond i.e. persistently low mood, and sadness for more than 14 days.

Depression Vs. Sadness and Grief

The loss of a loved one, a job or a relationship are difficult experiences and the feelings of sadness or grief are natural, normal responses. The grieving process is unique to each one and has some features common with depression. Both may involve feelings of intense sadness and withdrawal from normal activities but they differ in other important ways:

1. In grief, painful feelings come as waves, intermixed with positive memories but in major depression, mood and/or interest show a serious decline.
2. In grief, self-esteem usually remains intact but in major depression, the feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.
3. For a grieving person, the ideas of death may surface while thinking of “joining” the deceased one but in major depression, the ideas are focused on ending one’s life due to the feelings of worthlessness or inability to handle depression.
4. Grief and depression may exist together. In such cases, the grief is more severe and lasts longer than grief without depression.

A major depressive episode means experiencing five or more of the following symptoms of depression daily or on most days for two weeks or more:

1. Feelings of sadness or hopelessness
2. Persistent anxiety or feelings of emptiness
3. Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
4. Difficulty in concentrating on something
5. Problem in making decisions
6. Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities or hobbies
7. Feelings of Restlessness, agitation, irritability
8. Suicidal or self-harming thoughts  (i.e., intentionally cutting or burning yourself)
9. Fatigue and low energy levels
10. Sleeplessness or excess sleep
11. Persistent pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems
12. Overeating/weight gain or loss of appetite/weight loss
13. Purposeless physical activity (can’t sit still, pacing, handwringing)
14. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt or self-blame
15. irritable mood
16. unrealistically low self-image
17. Significantly low energy and/or change in self-care (i.e., not showering anymore)
18. Agitation or severe anxiety/panic attacks

A few medical conditions like thyroid problems, brain tumor or vitamin deficiency can have signs similar to those listed here. So, before making a proper diagnosis, it’s important to rule out other general medical causes, which may be responsible for these symptoms.

Causes of Depression

Depression can affect anyone, even someone living in relatively ideal circumstances. Several factors can play a role here:

Genetic causes of depression

Genetic factors play a role in affecting one’s vulnerability to depression. Depression is triggered by a combination of genetics and external factors. Depression often tends to run in families. If an identical twin has depression, the other one runs a 70 percent chance of having it sometime  later. It has a high degree of heritability (about 40%) in cases where first-degree relatives (parents/children/siblings) suffer from depression.

 Biological causes of depression

Depression is associated with changes in brain function and neurotransmitters like serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.

Adverse medical conditions

A person with a chronic or life-threatening illness (such as coronary heart disease or cancer), sleep disorder, thyroid issue, or hormonal disorders is more likely to experience worsened symptoms of depression if they have it.

Alcoholism and substance abuse

Excessive consumption of alcohol or other substances can trigger or worsen depression.

Gender-related

Women are twice as likely as men to develop depression and are more prone to depressive disorders around their menstrual periods, in pregnancy, post childbirth, and peri-menopause.

Social

Many situations or incidents can trigger depression e.g. death of a loved one,  close association with a sick relative, abuse or neglect as a child, divorce or marital issues, loss of job, financial stress, moving to another city, social isolation and discrimination. Such events need not be negative to cause distress as even positive events such as getting married or having a baby may lead to a depressive episode.

Dealing with depression     

As a life coach, I understand well that dealing with depression is hard as it drains one’s energy, hope and drive. Though there is no quick fix there yet, but a combination of medication and counselling under a trained psychiatrist is the best way to go. Besides, you can take several steps on your own to help you come out of the emotional morass and rumination.

Of course, depression must not be taken lightly at all and if you have such symptoms, do visit a trained psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. But the medications also work best in tandem with changes in your thought processes, exercising, better dietary habits etc. Being depressed can make you feel helpless. But you’re not. Along with therapy and medication, there’s a lot you can do to fight back. Changing your behavior, physical activity, lifestyle, and ways of thinking  — all these natural ways to fight and keep away depression.

1. Break the ongoing cycle

Depressive people tend to give a negative taint to everything, including the way they look at themselves and the world and their expectations about the future.

As a life coach, I often tell my depressive clients that in such cases, they need to remember it as a depressive symptom. Such irrational, pessimistic attitudes or cognitive distortions are unrealistic and you need to break out of this mould by telling yourself to “think positive.” The trick is identifying the negative thoughts that are triggering your depression and replacing them with more balanced thoughts.

Try to get rid of negative things like

“My last test was horrible. What a moron I have been!”

“He told me he had a blast with me at the party, but I guess he’s just being polite.”

“The boss must be thinking of me as a pathetic fellow” or “I’m caught for life in this sucking job.”

“I am such a loser. They must be making fun of me!”

“I shouldn’t have gone to the interview. What an idiot I was thinking It could crack it.”

“What a total flop I am!”

Once you identify the toxic, destructive thoughts that lead to depression, start challenging them with something like

“Is there some evidence that this is true? Not true!”

“What would I suggest to a friend having such a thought?”

“Is there another way to understand and analyze the situation or is there an alternative explanation for it?”

“How would I look at it if I weren’t depressed?”

Throughout my therapy work with depressive patients, I have found such cross-examination to be very helpful, which reveals how easily these negative ideas crumble and help you gain a balanced cognitive perspective, which relieves your depressive symptoms.

2. Finding Meaning

Try to find personal meaning by serving something larger than yourself. The service doesn’t always have to be big in order to be counted.  “Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” – Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

3. Feel Good

Relax with stress management, set your limits and be part of fun activities. While you can’t force yourself to feel pleased, push yourself to do things – even reluctantly and you’ll find how much better you feel. You’ll feel more cheerful and energetic being part of fun activities.  I can vouch for it as I have been doing them consistently and advise my clients to do so.

Try resuming a hobby/game you loved earlier – music, dance, art, or writing. Go out and have fun with friends. Be with nature, read a book, watch a laughter show, have a relaxing bath, play with a pet, talk to a friend or family, enjoy music and be ready for a surprise result.

4. Eat healthy, fight depression

The food you eat impacts the way you feel. Limit the intake of foods that adversely affect your brain and mood like caffeine, alcohol, trans-fats, and foods with preservatives or hormones.

Don’t miss a meal as a long gap can make you feel irritable and tired. Have a small meal every 3-4 hours but avoid sugary snacks, bakery, comfort foods like noodles and pasta as the “feel-good” things crash your mood and energy.

A deficiency of Vitamin B i.e. folic acid and B-12 can also trigger depression. Talk to your doctor for a B-complex vitamin supplement or eat more of citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans and eggs. 

Read: Organic Food and Healthy Mind

4. Reach out

The support of your family, friends, colleagues and elders can have a vital role in combating depression. Depression brings a tendency to withdraw and isolate, thereby making the connect with family and friends even tougher.

You may be feeling tired, ashamed or guilty but remember, this is just  depression talking. Be connected with others and be part of social activities; trust me, it makes a world of difference to your mood and outlook. Never take it as a weakness or a burden as your loved ones care about you and would love to help you.

Forge new friendships for a better social support network. Even if the other one may not solve it, they can be of great help – by being attentive, compassionate and non-judgmental listeners.  

Phone calls and social media cannot replace the good old face time. Talking to someone personally plays a big role in relieving depression and keeping it at bay. Besides, think of ways to help others as it can your boost your mood in return. Work with an NGO, a volunteer group, be a good listener for a friend, be a Good Samaritan for somebody and it will drive away your depression, too.

5. Get Going

For a depressed person, getting out of bed or home is a task, let alone working out! But exercising is a potent antidepressant, which can aid your recovery fast. In fact, regular exercise has been found to be as effective as medication in relieving depression. Regular exercise heightens the levels of the happiness hormone (dopamine) in your brain. Remember the runner’s high you experienced- That exhilarating feeling after about half an hour of intense running, jogging etc? Do at least 30 minutes of exercise daily. 

To begin with, have a 10-minute walk to see how it improves your mood. Explore continuous, rhythmic exercises like walking, weight training, swimming, martial arts or dance, where you move both your arms and legs. Also have a partner to socialize and keep yourself motivated at a club, aerobics class or in a soccer team.

6. Try something new

When you’re depressed, you feel in a rut. Try to do something different – visit a museum, pick up an old book and read it, volunteer for a service organization or learn a new language.

When we challenge ourselves to do something different, chemical changes happen in the brain. Trying something new heightens dopamine levels, which is linked to pleasure, enjoyment, and learning.

6. Health Is Wealth

Sleeping too much/little can be problematic. So, try to sleep for 8 hours as depression often involves sleep problems. Learn about healthy sleep habits to have a good, quality sleep cycle.

Keep your stress under check as it worsens depression, apart from triggering it. Think of strategies to relieve the pressure from workload, money, or bad relationships and regain control of your life. Regular relaxation helps you relieve your depression and stress to boost enjoyment and well-being. Try out yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation or some such.

7. Sunny Side Up

Bask in the sunlight to improve serotonin levels to improve your mood. Expose yourself to the sun for a minimum of 20 minutes daily. Walk in the open during lunch break and improve the natural lighting in your home and workplace by opening blinds, drapes and sitting near windows.

8. Make a routine

Depressed people need a routine as depression can strip the structure out of your life. One day melts into the next. Sp setting a gentle daily schedule can help you get back on the track. When you’re depressed, you may feel you can’t do, which makes you feel worse. To push back, set daily goals for yourself. Begin small, something that you can succeed at, like doing the dishes every other day. As you begin to feel better, add more challenging daily goals.

When you’re depressed, you may want to withdraw from life and give up your responsibilities at home and at work. Instead, be involved and have daily responsibilities to help you maintain a lifestyle that can counter depression. They give you a sense of accomplishment. If you can’t do full-time work, think about part-time work. If it seems like too much, consider volunteer work.

If these tips do not help you, look for professional help. Remember, seeking help doesn’t mean you are weak. Depression is certainly treatable and curable and you can feel better! Even while you are getting professional help, these things can accelerate your recovery and help you avoid a relapse.