They had a love marriage, and initially, everything was like a fairytale for Priya and Aman. They were madly in love with each other and decided to turn their relationship into marriage.
However, by the fourth year of their marriage, a lot of conflicts started between them. The conflicts were so much that the love between them started turning into hatred.
Priya thought that Aman has lost interest in her, and it is why he stays out late by lying to her. But, she never shared her insecurities with him. Instead of talking and sorting out things, she used to bash and blame him for his character.
Aman had no idea why Priya has been so insecure and rude to him. Aman thought maybe Priya wants to get rid of him and is only trying to find excuses to do the same.
The issues raised to a level that they both decided to get a divorce. They thought there was no point in being in a relationship with no love.
During this time, as they discussed their problems with Aman’s brother, he suggested they should get marital counseling before taking such an extreme step.
As they visited me, I understood the cause of their problems. The only cause of the conflicts was the lack of communication.
As the therapy started, they both shared their reasons, problems, and emotions. The communication they missed at home was now coming up in front of them.
Within three sessions of couple counseling, they realized the love between them never faded away, they just stopped looking at it. As their therapy ended, they went back with the same affection they had on the first day of the marriage.
Being a marriage counselor, this experience of saving marriages feels like a blessing to me. I find myself lucky to help people lead a happy life.
Why do you need marital counseling?
Post-marital counseling can be helpful to every married couple facing troubles to sustain their marriage. A marital counselor can help you resolve all types of intimate and personal affairs.
There are a number of reasons and problems that couples come up with to the counselors. There is no conflict that a counselor cannot resolve, or at least try to help the couple.
Couples need marital counseling to:
- Strengthen their relationships.
- Improve understanding.
- Remove insecurities.
- Communicate vividly.
- Resolve conflicts.
- Overcome differences between them.
Some issues that you can discuss with your counselor are:
- Communication problems.
- Violence or abuse.
- Conflicts over a child.
- Difficulty in adjusting with the family.
- Anger issues.
- Sexual difficulties.
- Other physical or mental conditions.
How to know if you should get a couple counseling?
There are certain questions you should ask yourself, to know if you need post-marital counseling or not. Answer the following questions as ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to know:
- Is there a lot of defensiveness in your married life?
- Do you feel the other partner is cheating on you?
- Do you feel your partner does not show any attention towards you?
- Do you both try to avoid each other?
- Do you criticize or humiliate each other?
- Does your partner stay angry and avoid being home?
- Are you guys facing any infidelity issues?
- Do you feel like there’s no communication left between the two of you?
- Do you think to yourself, you made a mistake marrying him/her?
Well, if more than 50% of your answers were true, then it is high time to consult a counselor. You may even go for online marriage counseling.
Why does this happen?
Most couples face issues throughout their married life. There is nothing wrong with little fights, but if you fight a lot or do not feel like living with your better half, you should get counseling done. Here are some reasons why conflicts arise in marriages:
- Firstly, couples tend to find each other’s faults all the time. As I always say,
Do you find faults easily? Yes, that’s easy, keep finding!
When in a relationship, we tend to put the blame on our partner. We never like to take the charge of our actions. It creates a lot of anger and despair in couples. Each partner thinks the problem is with the other half and not me. This turns to arrogance and couples stop apologizing or conversing with each other.
- Secondly, sometimes with time, couples tend to lose interest in each other. They start feeling bored with their routine life and start exploring other options. Either of the partners can feel this way. Such thoughts hinder the marriage to last long. This feeling of loss of interest in your husband or wife is very fatal. Most such marriages lead to divorce. If you or your partner feels this way, it is best to get marital counseling before it’s too late.
- Thirdly, it has been noticed that most couples keep things to themselves. Couples expect their partner to understand whatever is there in their mind. Not only is this wrong, but also the root cause of most conflicts.
When you cannot even tell what you feel, how do you expect the other person to understand? It leads to overthinking, and slowly-slowly this habit of filling your mind will have adverse effects on your health and relationship. As it is said,
Do not clutter your mind with things that are not true, useful, and beneficial.
- Fourthly, a common concern noticed in most couples is the adjustment in the family. Many times, especially in India, the bride is expected to stay with the groom and his family. A lot of conflicts are encountered either with a mother-in-law or sister-in-law. In many such cases, a girl feels extremely exhausted to adjust to the new environment when no one is ready to accept her just the way she is. Marriage counseling can help couples to understand and adjust with each other’s family and live with love.
6 ways in which marriage counseling can help couples
Marriage counseling can benefit a couple in numerous ways. Some of the benefits of marriage counseling are:
1.) Couples get time for each other
Many couples are so busy in their individual lives that they do not even have the time to talk to each other. During marital counseling, the partners get to sit together and talk out whatever is there in their heads. It gives them time to focus on each other.
2.) Effective communication is initiated
As during marital counseling, a counselor accompanies the couple, they get neutral feedback and unbiased judgment on their actions and wrongdoings. Also, the counselor makes sure the communication is effective.
3) The conflicts will be resolved
A counselor will listen to both sides of the stories with the aim to resolve all the conflicts. No matter what you say, the counselor will neither judge you nor blame you. I will observe and identify the roots of your issues and try to resolve them directly.
4.) Help manage anger issues
Generally, when couples argue at home, they only want to present their side of the story. They never listen to what their partner has to say. Through counseling, the couples will learn how to effectively communicate while listening and understanding the other person’s point of view. It will help them in the future as well.
5.) To understand your better half
Marital counseling will help you understand who your partner really is. It will create a more realistic image of your companion. You’ll understand who they are as a person and not what you want them to be. Once you accept this, a lot of conflicts will be resolved in no time.
6) Learn new tools to improve married life
The couple counseling session will help you lead a happy life with your partner by providing some tools and activities to help you in the future. Counselors can design homework for you, and in this way, you’ll adopt better mannerisms.
All these are the ways in which marital counseling can help you and your partner.
My counseling takes place in three steps:
- The first step is the communication part, where both the partners communicate and discuss their fears and thoughts.
- After listening to both sides of the story, I analyze and work towards the problem-solving part.
- Finally, I discuss the differences rationally between the two to come to a final conclusion and to provide the right guidance for the future.
- Apart from this, I can give you handpicked advice and tips to strengthen your relationships.
Our service makes sure you do not face any conflicts in the future, and even if you, you’ll know how to handle them.
You and your partner must be willing to work towards the betterment of your relationship before initiating counseling. Even if your partner does not support you in the decision, you can take the counseling alone.
It is always good to set realistic expectations from a counselor. A counselor can only help you and guide you.
It takes a lot of time and effort to adopt changes and adjust with each other.
Our service is ready to help you at any phase of your marriage. From premarital to post-marital counseling, we offer them all.
Are you facing issues in marriage? Get marital counseling from us.