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Premarital counselling is a new generation concept that is gaining acclaim and encouragement from today’s young couples. They do not believe in blind marriages, which were common in our parents’ generation.

Premarital therapy prepares you and your partner for a healthy relationship. Nowadays, both men and women have equal access to their rights and responsibilities. So it’s better if no clouds of confusion remain before you become exhausted in an eternal bond.

Premarital counselling is similar to creating a minimap of how the couple wants to spend the rest of their lives together. They are laying a solid foundation for their future in this manner. Knowing reasons why relationships fail can save you from danger.

Variations in Premarital counselling

Premarital counselling has been defined as a therapy used to plan a happy future together. As a result, some courses are designed for specific types of couples in order to provide a tailored approach to each of them.

To deal with couples, some life coach folks use a combination of therapies. It aids in providing a clearer picture of their behaviour and compatibility.

1.   Gottman Method:

This method was developed by Dr Julie and Dr John Gottman to improvise the friendship between you and your beau before moving to the conclusion of marrying each other.

There are detailed assessments and examinations carried on to address probable areas of conflict and confusion. It is the best time when the to-be wife and husband can resolve any myths they have about their married about each other.

The couple develops problem-solving skills and rationing their activities in the process.

• Psychodynamic Couples Therapy:

As the name suggests, this method aims on your psych cycles. Your hopes and expectations are kept on the same balance as your real situation. There are ups and downs in every relationship. But only those relationships last that can conquer all these obstacles and still forgive each other with no hatred intact.

Motivation to interact is the key to this therapy. You will identify underlying issues and address the factors of love, rage, appreciation, fears of getting separated, and disapproval during the journey. 

• Emotionally Focussed Therapy (EFT):

EFT was developed by Drs. Les Greenberg and Sue Johnson keeping in mind that this short form of therapy will be as beneficial as the previous ones. The aim was same to protect marriages and lessen the number of divorces.

Through this therapy, couples can unravel the bond of attachment and affection between themselves. Communications the only tool to solve all quarrels. They have found this therapy to help build stronger relationships that give more mental peace over mental trauma and feeling of seclusion.

Steps involved in Premarital counselling

There are certain steps to achieving any hilltop. Therefore this built up by putting in science, logic, and emotion to achieve more realistic results. You might not feel the difference until you try it yourselves. So getting a life coach before distributing the invitation cards for your marriage is probably the best investment you can make for yourself. The steps are as follows.

•  Filling up questionnaires assesses your behaviour, strengths, and weaknesses in day-to-day life:

Except might not be the same for you to be a partner in all senses. So it’s important to know the tension areas. You may have to fill this questionnaire online or offline individually so that your results can be compared and judged by counsellors.

There counselling rounds where you and your partner will be tested for your dynamic performance when placed on the same platform. These insights are very useful in designing the further course of your therapy.

• Sharing is caring:

This proverb stands concerning ect to physical gifts and emotions as well. It’s because unless and until you do not open up about your past or significant life events, there won’t be a true picture to be drawn.

Nobody is going to judge based on your past actions. But acknowledgment of significant life experiences help to bring more involvement in the relationship.

You might not be comfortable in sharing your past thinking it’s past shadow may hamper your present. But one never knows if the other person also went through the same trauma and would relate to you now in a much better way.

Early childhood experiences also may a significant role in assessing one’s brought up style in their family.

• Talk about essential needs of life:

Pre marriage counseling gives you the best opportunity to discuss about several reasons why relationships fail from staying. I have tried to include some for your reference.

• Any previous relationships:

Your exes should not become the villains of your later happy life. This is why discussing that you have moved on successfully is quintessential to build the trust in your courtship.

•  Relation with family members and relatives:

Marriage doesn’t only involve two strange people getting together but also unites two distinct families. So pre marriage counselling is the fairest time to reveal about your personal relationships with your family members and if any concerns or expectations you have about your to be partner’s family. Both the male and female get to understand their commitment towards their in-laws.

• Beliefs in religion and values:

Inter caste and inter religion marriages need this part to be fulfilled most importantly. After all they are going to understand a whole new world of beliefs, moralities, and religion. There should be crystal clear compassion and respect for each others sentiments. You may discuss the implications of such religion traditions in your prospect life.

• Financial support system:

Money is the driving factor for humans existence. Nowadays both the husband and wife are encouraging a working life for both of them. So managing your finances in advance. There can be financial crises St any point of time but having a predetermined way of tackling it will help you stabilize the condition. You can plan investments and other financial ventures.

• Roles after marriage:

Prospects and possibilities run side by side. So it’s valuable that you discuss positions, you except you and your beau to hold after marriage. There should be equal say of both the genders. This dialogue helps to dodge conflicts later on.

• Kids and kiddos:

Having or not having lads may or may not be the same sometimes. Consequently it is expected that you have clear discussion on whether or not you need to have children. Deciding the perfect time for raising up kids and the perfect gap between two kids is good at this point of time. You can even your family doctor for the same in advance.

•  Funtime and weekends:

After all the serious talks, it’s time for discussing some fun time. You should not forget each others presence and let not that magic of love get lost. You can discuss your honeymoon or weekends will be great opportunity to discuss interests.

Common Problems Premarital Counseling Can Solve

• Know your partner and their goals in life:

Marrying a person whom you have understood and relate to is better than marrying an unknown person. Therefore pre marriage counseling sessions can make a manor difference in the perspective. There are several new things can you discover together. Be it having mutual beleifs, values, motivations, daily routine, expectations, goals, or priorities. In this manner you can discover that you and your partner are complementary for each other or not.

1. Burst too much of unrealistic expectations and get real:

This form of social interaction which is based on scientific results will help you and your partner to set realistic missions bursting all myths. The counselor will help you interact better and get to know of forthcoming aspects of your life. Marriage opens new gates. There should be sensible symmetry on both the wheels. 

• Mutual Future Planning:

These days booking a grand filmy marriage is the dream for every couple. Therefore investing in a pre marriage counselor can alleviate the happiness for forever.

Benefits of Pre-marriage counselling

Pre marriage counseling provides you with tools to mend your realtio

• Developing the habit of communication:

Without communication there’s no solution to however minor the issue may be. As a partner you need to be actually able to convey your state of mind clearly to your partner. In return the opposite listener should also be patient enough to grab their emotions correctly. One should not be attacking or defending the wrong in others.

•   Focussing on the brighter side of your partner:

Pre marriage counseling can help you and your spouse in seeing the positive side of each other’s behavior. Focus on understanding each other rather than criticizing or comparing them to others.

• Strike off negative behaviour:

Negative behavior or fake supporting does not last in the long run. They are seen to be the prime reasons for divorce nowadays. Build trust and respect each other’s privacy in the most crucial times. Rarely do people come up for help when someone is broke. If you have found the right person who backs you up in the most difficult situations, you should never lose him.

• Construct a mutual decision-making process:

The counsels are there to help you slate down a complete map on developing a healthy relationship before and after the marriage. As said above also, there should be equitable say in decision making processes. Share your standpoint and accept changes if any.

•  Burst myths related to marriage:

The new technology generation has filled people minds with both positive and negative myths about marriage. Marriage has been portrayed as a fairy tale full of fun weekends and holidays, while it does not stand the complete truth. Marriage is the new beginning of life with someone whom you may not know from childhood. So being informed to what and when to expect is the greatest part of pre marriage counseling. There is nothing to be afraid of when you are with the right person.

1. Techniques to resolve conflicts in the initial stage itself:

Pre marriage counseling teaches you the art of conflict resolution. It all depends on adjusting and understanding. You cannot be the right one always. Constructive conversations have long lasting effect over ghosting each other.

How effective is Premarital counselling?

While there is no actual scale to measure the effectiveness of this counseling therapy, but real life experiences of people can make the difference. There see studies and research which suggest that pre marriage counseling proved a boon in their life to adjust in a new environment.

Counselling should not be limited to situations when the crises is at it’s peak level. Couples who have already parted ways and polarized may find it difficult to reunite even after the therapy. But there’s always a light of hope.

So why not take the step of counselling and therapy beforehand?

 Where to start?

There can be pre-marriage counselling or counselling immediately after you are married. Pre-marriage counselling will reveal irreconcilable disparities between you and your companion. You can even go for personal counselling before resuming to join rounds.

Final words

What are you waiting for? If you are seeking a pre marital counseling talk to your family and friends and get a certified one. You can find a life coach in local and state medical facilities too. Mental health physicians particularly dealing with marriage counselling are the best to opt for. Give it a fling and relish this new adventure of perceiving each other better.

Socializing online is a new way of making real-life and even virtual friends. It’s difficult to find people who haven’t heard of Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Snapchat, and many more. Today’s Genz kids have got a hold of this platform while they are still learning the alphabet in the nursery. This is the real scenario.
Millions and trillions visit these social sites every day. Recent studies on the usage of social media by teens of the age group 17-19 years showed that the major purpose of using this technology was to make new buddies(99%) than for studies(36%) and then last for playing games (25%).

Pros of Utilizing Social Media By Teenagers

While we cannot blame social media for everything bad that happens in society, it should be the personal discretion of the users to make the right decisions. Therefore we enumerate here the advantages of this technology that connects the poles.

1. Connectivity and easy communication with family and friends.
2. Take independent part in NGO and charitable campaigns.
3. Showcase talents and creativity in music, dance, art, and many others.
4. Access to top educators directly through DMs.
5. Keep a track of current events.
6. Meet like-minded people and organize startups and programs.
7. For light entertainment purposes.
8. Fitness trainers and dieticians can be reached and followed.
9. Learning new traits.

Cons Hidden Behind Irrational Use of Social Media

● Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a crime that includes the use of digital platforms like gaming platforms, social media, and messaging platforms to hurt the self-esteem or integrity of an individual. Unicef takes such situations very seriously particularly if the targeted person is a teenager. Social media organizations have also laid down strict guidelines on the words and images that can be shared publicly but do not hurt anybody’s sentiments. Cyberbullying is malpractice that can be like-

1. Spreading of fake news regarding a person making viral embarrassing videos and photographs online.
2. Criticizing a person by using abusive, hurtful, and threatening comments, direct texts, and sending videos or images.
3. Creating fake accounts to spread wrong messages by impersonating someone.

● Risks to Privacy

Teens are mostly under peer- pressure to join a social media platform in most cases. Social media makes them look cool. But too much revelation of personal data online can be hazardous too.
Online predators are always in search of such teens who are famous and widely followed by the audience. They make online contacts with unknown people who at times can make them feel uncomfortable or scared.
Tracking exact locations has become a cakewalk for hackers these days. Improper and incautious use of social media can land teens trouble who haven’t taken care of their privacy.

● Unsafe Platform for Irrational Users

Too much sharing of personal space and irrational, no time-bound practice can make teens addicted to the platform.

● Reputation Perils

Inappropriate posting of content like images and videos once published is difficult to be erased from the cloud data. Copying data and republishing is no big deal these days. Illegal use of an artist without giving due credit is also a disrespect shown towards that artist. It’s plagiarism and can be claimed if found correct.

● Impaired Psychological Health

Negative mental health is the consequence of spending more than necessary time on social media. Binge-watching videos, scrolling, surfing, and consuming whatever content the system wants to feed you. Peer pressure and unhealthy competitions in terms of showoff usually develop teens.

● Too much Inappropriate Content

Social media sites have also made age restrictions to restrict the type of content to be shown to them. But nowadays most teenagers lie about their age to get access to sensitive content on social media. Unlimited and fast internet has deleted protection barriers in terms of showing ads or promoting ideas.

● Lack of Time Management

There is competition in studies as well as being updated with the latest in every industry. But teens who prioritize their useful time in vague surfing find difficulties in their future careers. There should be time for performing homework, exercising, sleeping, playing outdoors, and most crucially spending time with the people you live with.

What to do as a Parent in this Situation?

Parents can serve as the torch bearers for their growing children who might be lost in the city lights of fame on social media. As a parent or guardian, you do not need to become snoop dogs or have a 24/7 eye on your child’s activities. You just need to safeguard them by making them understand that privacy is a thing but safety comes first.

● They can share anything and everything with you. You will try your best to understand their feelings by keeping yourself in their shoes. Judging and shouting may not serve the purpose well but surely worsen. Communicate as a friend to your kid. Let them know that there are some expectations and limits for their online presence.

You at first may not understand everything going online as these are some new trends. But keep the essential talks and support your kid if his talent is something extraordinary that the world needs to know.

● Make your teen knowledgeable to not share anything that would bring shame to their parents, teachers, grandparents, and to themselves too.

● Never overshare personal information like contact numbers and home addresses. This oversharing is an open invitation for stalkers and hackers to invade your personal life.

● Make a rule that they do not accept every friend request or follow requests. Multiple fake accounts are surfing online with luring bios that offer bogus publicity to kids in return for money. A small group of good friends is better than a large crowd of strangers.

● Passwords are made not to be shared with anyone. Not even their girlfriend, best friends, and boyfriend.

Final Words

I hope this must have enlightened both the parents and the teens in terms of their use of social media. Parents should be nice to their teens whenever they try to share anything. Also, the youth should respect the freedom they have received while on social media.

Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.” — Pete Carrol

With so much pressure, obligations and responsibilities on us, life’s indeed hard. That’s why we often feel so overwhelmed and anxious. As the weeks, months and years pass, this pressure builds up and piles on top of us, adding more weight to the shoulders that can’t seem to bear another ounce of it.

Regardless, we carry on and face everything that life throws at us. And suffer. The quality of our personal lives declines, good habits falter, and we retreat into the comforts of the status quo. That’s why a good life coach is so important. We become so ingrained and fixed in our ways that it’s hard to see it from a fresh perspective. It’s difficult to understand the possibilities that exist out when we’re so used to being within our “safe” zone.

Life Coach

As humans, we often try to evade doing what we fear. Ironically, it is these dreaded acts that lead us to realize our goals and our dreams.  A life coach, as a helpful guide, works with you to help you in overcoming these barriers, thereby enabling you to reach your life goals. Most  athletes work with a coach who guides them, works with them to strategize and sees them finally reach their prized goals. Ditto for a good life coach, who tries to unlock your potential and collaborates with you to enable you to achieve your goals. A life coach plays multiple roles in our lives -they unlock our dormant potential, let us find our best selves and perform like a motivator, partner and strategist.

1. Their own life experience in different domains is quite limited, and therefore, they can’t handle the immense range of issues they need to address.  
2. They are emotionally attached to the ones whom they would like to counsel, which proves to be a significant hindrance. Being emotionally attached, they are unable to separate the personal and the professional and are unable to view and analyze their problems in a detached, objective manner and offer unbiased counsel, thereby creating room for biases. Consequently, whatever advice they give is going to be coloured by emotional considerations. 

In view of these limitations, it is best to consult a qualified, experienced life coach only to help you with such problems. 

The way that life coaches work is similar everywhere. They ask you the right kind of questions to enable you to reach breakthroughs to create a paradigm shift in life. But in doing so, they aren’t authoritative at all and therefore, don’t dictate you on what to do. Instead, they work as motivators and partners in your success and make a plan with your active and complete involvement and nudge you to work towards these goals.

So, a life coach isn’t just a mentor or a coach in the most basic sense. Rather, a life coach is someone who’s there for you through life’s difficult and challenging times to guide you and help you see things differently, refine your approach so that you can achieve your loftiest dreams.

How life coaches work

Whether you are trying to rise the professional ladder or are raring to become an entrepreneur, the truth is: We all are in need of a little support, self-reflection and continual personal development. However, even in the best possible scenarios, we have some blind spots that prevent us from seeing the bigger picture. Our thoughts, habits and behaviors hinder our growth. Ditto for friends and family. While our loved ones may have the best intentions, they often cannot properly analyze to give actionable advice. Enter the life coach, who works with you to enrich your life in many ways:

1. Identifying, prioritizing goals

Often, for many among us, the central issue is not a lack of ambition but of clarity. Going through everyday life, we are caught in rat race, chasing a vision of success handed down to us, instead of a vision one created intentionally by us. Thus, it’s not a surprise that so many of us spend their lives doing all “the right things,” i.e. going to college, working in a job and marrying, only to realize later one fine day that they are unhappy.

But by working with a life coach, you can connect to yourself more fully, letting yourself create the kind of life you want, based on your own standards. That may imply being an entrepreneur, having a side business or embarking on a passion in your time. A life coach helps you connect to yourself so that you may identify and prioritize these new goals.

2. Transitioning to a new identity

Life coaches can be of great help during times of great transitions e.g. career change, divorce etc. A life coach can help you remain grounded in the midst of such huge changes. One of the biggest reasons why changes are so difficult is that they challenge the stories we have held close to our hearts for so long. Questions like Who am I without sans marriage or relationship? can be scary to face alone, but a life coach can reframe this narrative so as to ready you up for an empowering experience. 

3. Support and partnership

A life coach supports and comforts you by challenging you with care to set your goals with conviction and accountability. The life coaching relationship is open partnership between a client and the coach, where authenticity, connection and intimacy are key to success for which both partners must pull their weight together.

A coach doesn’t serve as a yes man or healer; they reflect back to the client their potential to express inner brilliance. With regular interaction, the two create often an ongoing relationship that the client can rely on for support.

Still sceptical? Worry not, read on to find out more!

Benefits of Life Coaching

1. Clarity in life

Among the major benefits of life coaching, this one deserves the top spot. As a practicing life coach, I have found it to be among the topmost reasons behind the clients approaching me. If you think that we all know what we want from this life, you may be mistaken. A great many number of people have too many opportunities right before but they often take decisions that do not let them move towards goals. A life coach helps you decide on your priorities and inspires you to contemplate about life so that you may decide on the most important things you should bring about. Gaining an absolute clarity can enable you to execute the tasks fast as focus is the key to achieving your goals in life. 

2. Peace of Mind

Our life is full of many bitter experiences and negative events and when we can’t share them, frustration, anger and tension start festering. A supportive family and friends can help no doubt, but you may feel uncomfortable while sharing certain feelings with them. That’s when a coach enters the scene to work with you to create a new focus and positive strategy to get you to your goals.

A life coach is forever willing to listen to and understand you. Besides, they are never judgmental; rather, they always encourage you to confide in them so that you can share and bare all to help them work through your blocks to let you reach your goals.

3. Maximizing your accomplishments

Accomplishing our goals gives us fulfillment and further motivation to improve our performance. But, many people, who are unable to accomplish their goals, often experience a void, which demotivates them from trying any further. Life coaches are keen to know about your inner  passions and work with you towards making them a reality.  They push you much further to celebrate small personal successes, which can help you achieve bigger goals.

4. Time saved

Being a life coach, I often get to meet clients who constantly complain of running short of time. I can empathize with them but I need to work with them to make them realize the unrealistic nature of their perceptions as everyone is blessed with 24 hours a day. All that they need to do is think of their time in a very different manner and practice some proven time management techniques to make the most of their time and strike a balance between work and life, between the personal and the professional,  

Time is ALL that you have; you can’t borrow it, buy it or loan it!  In retrospect, most people often wish they had more time but the truth remains: nobody can get more time than anybody else. People tend to think that they can achieve things on their own and the fact is, they really can. But how fast do you want to achieve it? While doing it alone, you can burden yourself with additional responsibilities and things tend to go out of control sometimes, making you lose your focus.

As a navigator, a life coach can assess your present situation and work with you to help you get the desired outcomes. The coach works as an accountability partner in your efforts and you can see a collective effort tailored towards your goals.

5. Money Matters

Working on the basis of misguided financial decisions may land you in a big problem at a personal and professional level. Many people often do not analyze their financial situation and tend to make unprofitable investments. These repeated financial failures can lead to aimlessness and apprehension about their next move.

A life coach knows well that life is a glorious result of good, meticulous planning. Life coaches give you an action plan, having a step-wise approach to follow and align your financial goals with your life goals. It can work to enhance your affordability level and prosperity in life.

6. Chasing dreams

We dream all the time and this aspiration of a better future lets us live our life more fully and goads us to take hardships in pursuit of our goals. But, quite often, the dreams are ambitious, which makes us doubt their achievability. Getting validation and encouragement for dreams is a most enriching benefit of working with a life coach. A life coach can separate professional and personal lives and understand your aspirations from an objective viewpoint. It can place you on the right path so that you move ahead confidently to make the first big move.

7. Getting over obstacles

The blockades in our paths limit progress and we often become detached from our goals altogether. In the process, action – the only way to overcome obstacles – goes to the backseat. A life coach lubricates these positive changes and encourages you to become courageous in confronting life’s challenges. A life coach helps you identify these hurdles and when you acknowledge them, you develop a different attitude towards them. Now, you can focus energy and time on an effective plan of action to move on in life.

8. Different attitude

Throughout life, we experience joys, sorrows, hardships, challenges and accomplishments. Cultivating a different approach to these things helps us see them with wisdom in a new light. We can harvest the true benefits of a life coach by developing an attitude of looking at hardships as challenges. This change in our viewpoint brings about significant consequences for us.

Challenges change us and lead to personal growth. Consequently, we begin loving challenges as a path to gaining greater freedom, wealth, happiness. It keeps us focused and when combined with action, we are set to have amazing results.

9. Bye-bye to anxiety

We tend to get overwhelmed by stress and anxiety – major obstacles on our life journey. They can create poor self-esteem, the lack of confidence and nervousness etc. A life coach can help you accept the fact that you need to live your life rather than waste your energy on stress and anxiety. Life coaches know jolly well about the inevitability of stress in life and work with you to find ways to control stress so that you can feel revitalized.

10. Navigating tough times

While handling challenges, we often look for others’ support as it makes us feel better about us. Handling problems on your own single-handedly for long can increase the chances of mistakes. Life coaches make you realize that handling life challenges is  important for you to get wisdom.

A life coach goes deeper to discover the problem areas and with constant support, helps you get rid of these problems. Quite frequently, you may not be searching for a solution; rather, you may just want to know if you are moving on the right path. A life coach can identify your limitations to let you enjoy peace of mind and gain the strength and confidence to look forward.

11. New Ideas

Nothing is as powerful as the idea whose time has come!   –  Victor Hugo

Among the many benefits of life coaching, this one holds a unique importance of its own.  Whatever great achievements man has made, regardless of the domain they belong to, were once just ideas in one’s mind. An idea is the building block of all inventions, development and careers and can transform the world in unrecognizable ways. A life coach can help you achieve transformation in life by offering you the right questions to discover your key ideas.

A life coach can help you find those ideas, which are in line with your needs and unique traits. Life coaching can nurture innovation and creativity and also generate good ideas, which can open the gates to many opportunities.

12. A Balanced life

Many domains of our lives e.g. career, family, social circle and health warrant constant attention on our part. We have to assume and play many roles and start facing problems when a particular area consumes most of our energy. As the result of this problem, we begin to look for balance in life so that we can give equal focus to our roles.

A life coach understands very well that an imbalance among the key areas may create complications. Therefore, they guide you about acknowledging priority areas like career, finances, health, entertainment and ensure that you have a  balance so that you achieve positivity and satisfaction.

13. Accountability

The singular benefit of a life coach is that they inspire you to believe in getting the right results with the right techniques. Our behavioural patterns can prevent us from living life fully but a life coach can give you opportunities for self-discovery and make you realize that the only way to progress is to act. This way, you can quit the habit of procrastination and become accountable for your own actions. Such personal growth can be made much easier with a life coach.

14. Purpose of Life

Finding the purpose of one’s life is perhaps the most significant among the benefits of life coaching.  Very often, we are easily distracted in the absence of a clear idea of what we want from our lives. Life coaches always ask you the most significant questions – “What’s the purpose behind your life? What is the most significant to you and why?” And your answers to all these questions have a potential for changing the course of your life.

Life coaches often meet such people who may be unaware of the direction of their life owing  to the lack of purpose. A meaningful purpose in our life drives us to move on, accomplish tasks, learn from failures and achieve satisfaction from getting success.

A life coach can certainly bring about a change in our behaviour to bring positivity and inspiration in our lives so that we seek more from it. They can motivate people to have self-belief and live a life of well-being and happiness. We often tend to forget that every person is a significant part of the universe and, if they contribute positively, our world would be a better place to live in. A life coach can enable you to see your true self and make you realize the purpose of your life.

15. Confidence boost

We would like to excel in our occupations and professions but frequently, we do not have the required confidence and energy to step up and make a change. Many among us have our own limiting self-beliefs, which limit our opportunities for exploration and we tend to follow the examples of others. In this manner, we tend to ignore the unique beauty and opportunities of our own personal life journeys.

Life coaches remind us of our own uniqueness and emphasize on the fact that our aim is to set examples through our own successes and trials. They encourage us to become self-sufficient so that we may follow our own path rather than others’ opinions let guide us. Thanks to this self-reliance, we can approach life with confidence and succeed on our own terms and conditions.

16. Revitalized

Have you ever seen a child closely, how freely and energetically they approach everything? But over time, we adults tend to lose this adventurous streak in life. Life coaches can introduce a big attitudinal change as their probing questions act as stimuli, which creates excitement to make us feel as renewed.

Life coaches are expert at asking the right and meaningful questions, which goad us to cultivate a different outlook towards our life and awaken our creative impulses, which may be lying dormant inside us. As a consequence, you begin to feel as though your life were an adventure again.

“A leader is one who knows how to make himself redundant.”

Leadership is integral to all organizations and movements- business, educational, political, cultural and others. Be an employee, marketing manager, director, teacher or a student, it doesn’t matter – anyone can be a leader. Leadership is actually not about the position you hold; rather, it is about your disposition. It’s also not about any title that you may have; rather, it’s what lies inside you that makes you a leader. Leadership skills are about inspiring and igniting passion and purpose in everyone you come across by enabling and empowering them to lead and transform their lives.

Effective leaders can communicate well, motivate their team, handle and delegate responsibilities, listen to feedback, and are flexible enough to solve problems in an ever-changing workplace. Quite often, employers seek these skills in the candidates they hire for leadership roles. Whether you’re starting out at an entry-level position and are looking to move up the career ladder or get a promotion, leadership skills will be among your most valuable assets.

If you run an organization, you learn leadership skills on the way as you juggle your staff, clients, suppliers and the red tape. In that sense you are already a leader. But what if you want to raise your leadership skills to the next level? As a practicing life coach, I get many such queries from many youngsters wanting to hone their leadership skills.  Here is some help in the form of tips to help you cultivate better leadership skills so that you can take your leadership to a whole new level:

 Leadership Capabilities

1. Initiative and responsibility

Of all the leadership capabilities an effective leader must have, this one should rank among the top ones.  Completing a task assigned to you fulfills your job description but leaders have to go beyond it. They try to constantly search for ways to simplify processes or improve the bottom line. They are willing to take up projects as they see the need for it and are willing to pitch in. Their proactivity shows others that they have the ability to lead others in times of need.

So, do not try to make excuses if you have mistakenly sent a sensitive email to the wrong people. Tender an apology straight away and do whatever it takes to fix the whole thing. Taking responsibility for doing something wrong proves your maturity and leadership acumen.

Remember, as a leader, the responsibility always falls on you. Of course, you cannot be made to bear the brunt of everything wrong with your organization. It’s important to make sure that you know who in your team takes care of which task, and what their results bring. It lets you to know who to turn to in case of a misstep or to congratulate someone on success.

Taking responsibility and following through on what you delegate shows your team that though you want everyone to work unitedly, you care for them and would like to push them to the best of their capabilities. Besides, it can also help reduce frustration among your team members as there they can no longer play the “blame game” as you know well exactly who’s doing what.

2. Welcome challenges and new learning

True leaders always welcome challenges, hardships and criticism. Embracing challenges makes one of greatest leadership capabilities as it shows a brave face in the face of adversities. It allows your staff to see that challenges are certain things to tackle to achieve the results you want.

Accepting criticism gracefully is another demonstration of bravery. If you are able to take constructive feedback and work on it to bring a positive change, you are on the right path to developing true leadership. Accepting challenges and turning them into growth opportunities shows your team that you have what it is needed in order to become a top-notch leader.

Additionally, it’s important that you identify the gaps in your knowledge (after all, no one is a know-all) and locate an expert to learn from them. Learning from others doesn’t show bad leadership, rather, it shows your keenness to learn new things and improve. So, always be willing to learn and grow to set a good example for your team members.

3. Direction and purpose

The purpose of our lives is to lead a life of purpose. Having a purpose gives a direction and momentum to you, a group or an organization. In short, if you don’t know where you want to go, you’ll never get there.

Among the qualities of effective leadership, this one takes the cake. A good leader always plans, prepares and performs all the tasks with a certain purpose and feels it their responsibility to ignite a purpose among the team members. People want to feel their task has a meaning and a purpose behind it. They love to know how their task contributes to organizational progress. Making an authoritative tone and withholding such information shows a weak leadership.

4. Always keep on learning

Whatever flows, remains fresh and flourishing, whatever stops, dies.

The folk wisdom in this quote is so eternal. Therefore, savvy professionals exploit all possible opportunities to gain new knowledge and skills. As technology transforms our society at a rapid pace, your company’s business, too, changes. To maintain marketability and your skills, try to find training and development opportunities in line with organizational goals.

Good leaders always try to be better than they are. They are open to learning from their team and others about their failures, successes and all else. To this end, they set up effective feedback systems find how they are doing. They are ready for training and consider learning their constant companion.

Developing leadership skills requires that you attend workshops, webinars, and certification programmes on the topics you’d like to know more about. With so many resources available online and offline, you will find no difficulties in building a better grasp of subjects that could make you a better manager.

Besides, reaching out to your team lets you learn from them. If you’re trying to manage an IT project with very little IT knowledge, sit in on their process and learn more about it. It also gives you a better idea of how your team manages time.

Besides, don’t just review the analytics. Try to actively get feedback from your team, vendors, and clients and find newer ways of enhancing the customer experience you can offer.

5. Be authentic

Great leaders are blessed with this gift of authenticity i.e. they are real i.e. they are who they are. People follow and support them because of what they are because they can cheat the entire world but not you.

So, in order to be a great leader, try to create an authentic picture of yourself in the eyes of people around you. Authentic leadership emanates from your being, self-awareness and transparency. Cultivate honesty and positivity to evoke the respect, credibility and respect so crucial to leadership.

6. It is NOT about YOU

The reason why you follow anyone is that you see something for yourself there – blogs, people or the lifestyles you follow. They always share or show things you need in your life.

Great leaders always keep track of their followers and team members by building a culture of inclusivity. They are “WE”-type than ME-type and devote their time, energy and resources to generate value for their team and the rest of the world around them.

This slight change from “WIIFM” (what is in it for ME) to “WIIFW” (what is in it for WE) allows you to work with greater intensity to come up as a great leader.

7. Effective communication

This one commands great attention among the qualities of effective leaders. We live amid great complexity and face an extreme information overload on a constant basis. And when information becomes too complex, people tend to gloss over it. Thus, as a leader, you have to navigate the complexity, look for meaning, and come out with a clear message.

This leadership skills has been given a very high level of importance. All great leaders, with some exceptions, have been great public speakers as effective communication enables you to  inform, motivate and convince your followers easily. So, try to invest time, energy and money in developing effective public speaking skills to impact positively those around you. The quality of leadership is in direct proportion to the quality of communication skills.

Effective leaders don’t deliver complex messages; rather, they distill their messages to make it reach their destination. Most effective politicians enjoys the knack of giving clear answers to complex questions. Make a message so brief and clear that anyone can understand it.  While writing email or reports, refine what you say and how you communicate it to maximize its impact.

As a leader, you need to clearly and succinctly explain to your employees everything from organizational goals to specific tasks. A leader needs to master communication – one-on-one, departmental, and full-staff conversations, as well as via the phone, email, video, chat, and social media. A leader has to establish a steady communication between themselves and their team members, either through an open-door policy or regular conversations.

A large part of it involves listening. Leaders should make themselves regularly available to discuss issues and concerns with employees. Some other skills related to communication are

Active listening                                       Clarity

Conciseness                                                   Correspondence

Explaining                                              Expression

Nonverbal communication                     Presentations

Public speaking                                      Body language

Written communication

Seek questions to ensure that they understand what you say. Hearing isn’t equal to understanding in many cases. Remember, people have different kinds of antennas. So, tune into their unique communication styles and adapt your message to reach them meaningfully.

8. Initiative

Effective leaders are willing to take initiatives to get the ball rolling on new projects and goals. Taking the initiative to bring about a positive change is a leadership essential. To make it truly happen, you have to gather the entire team to properly communicate and delegate tasks like a leader should.

You’d also like to tell your team that you really are committed to the goal you would like them to achieve. Creating task schedules and regular checks on projects not only shows that you care for them and are wholly involved, but also evokes respect and attentiveness from employees that leads to more enthusiasm, accountability and higher productivity.

In addition, successful leaders understand the significance of cultivating relationships and contacts. Therefore, they try to know their team members at a personal level and on social media by attending office parties, company picnics and social dos. With better social visibility, you can certainly improve your chances of getting recommended for promotions and new projects.

9. Solution Seeker and Provider

Followers discuss problems while leaders provide solutions.

A problem is a problem only to the extent that you see it as a problem. But the moment you examine a situation and find a solution, it becomes an opportunity for learning and growth. Great leaders see everything that they encounter as an opportunity to learn, serve and share. Remember, most great inventions have been made in this manner only. Thus, to become an effective leader, try to become a solution seeker in life, always.

10. Ability to act

Nothing ever works if YOU don’t.

A big divider between followers and leaders is- leaders take the desired actions instead of waiting for things to change. They possess the courage and foresight to try to take an initiative to bring about a change in themselves and among those around them. Anyone wanting to acquire great leadership skills has to cultivate the ability to act.

11. Negotiate

Most leaders hardly ever accept whatever they are offered as they know their real worth and don’t shy away from asking more with respect and tact. So, if you are looking at a salary hike, don’t demand or threaten; instead, try to explain why you deserve more – maybe your role has undergone a significant change or you’ve earned more job skills over time. And always try to offer facts and figures to bolster your case and make a strong point – sales numbers, leads, completion time, down time, new clients etc.

12. Motivation- Inspirational Leader’s Hallmark

An inspirational leader inspires others to go the extra mile for their organizations; paying a fair salary to employees is not enough inspiration (although it is important). There are many ways to motivate your team: you may build self-esteem through recognition and rewards, or by giving new responsibilities to enhance their investment in the company. A leaders has to learn which motivators work best to encourage productivity and passion. Effective motivation skills include:

 Allowing autonomy                                Asking for inputs

Assessing the interests of the team         Convincing

Mentoring                                           Openness to employee concerns

Persuasion                                     Providing challenging work

Giving rewards and recognition          Setting effective goals

Team-building                                        Thanking staff

Understanding employee differences

13. Positivity

A positive attitude can go a long way. One should be able to laugh at oneself when something doesn’t go as planned; it makes for a happy and healthy work environment even in stressful periods. Asking employees about their weekend or vacation plans develops a positive atmosphere and raises the morale of the team members. 

Read: Developing a Strong Personality

If employees feel that they work in a positive environment, they are more likely to want to be at work, and will be more willing to put in longer hours when needed. Some positivity inducing skills at the workplace include:

Caring                                                     Conflict management

Developing rapport                                Diplomacy

Encouragement                             Empathy

Friendliness                                            Helping others

Humor                                     Positive reinforcement

Respect                               

14. Direct your people

Great leaders tend to keep their directions simple as synthesis and understanding amount to nothing unless there are payoffs resulting from action. Therefore, make your course of action easy to follow for others. And the fewer calls to action, the better for the followers.

15. Show optimism

While talking to your employees about your organization, do you ooze out the natural confidence and enthusiasm of a leader? Such optimism excites more enthusiasm and fuels further growth and creativity. If you really believe in having the best outcomes, you can unleash unequalled opportunities to make them happen in reality.

16. Meeting challenges

Effective leaders can anticipate what may go wrong and take steps in advance to avoid it and think of solutions personally and as a team. They don’t hand off difficult situations to others just to avoid solving them. Problem solving is indispensable for a professional, but is particularly useful for leaders, whom people look up to for support and guidance.

17. Delegate

Leaders who try to take on too many tasks struggle to get anything done. They often fear that delegating tasks is weakness, while actually is a sign of a strong leader. Therefore, you need to identify the skills of your employees and assign duties based on his/her skill sets. By delegating tasks to team members, you can focus on other important tasks. Good delegating skills include:

Accepting feedback                                     Allotting resources

Assessing strengths and weaknesses                Defining expectations

Evaluating employee performance                   Identifying measurable outcomes

Matching the task with the employee                        Prioritizing tasks

Setting expectations                                         Teamwork

Time management                                                  Training

Trust

It’s alright to seek others’ support while executing complex tasks. Effective leaders know when not to go alone. Let’s say you’ve been charged with the year-end closing. Of course, you’ll need help with coordinating the entire task with all teams and the accounting department. Delegating the task not just eases your burden but also fosters participation, confidence, empowerment and responsibility among your team members.

18. Trust

Employees should feel comfortable coming to their leader with questions and concerns. It is important for you to demonstrate your integrity as the employees only trust leaders whom they respect. With openness and honesty, you can encourage the same sort of honesty in your employees. The skills that can convey your trustworthiness as a leader are:

Ability to admit mistakes and apologize Accountability

Business ethics                                Confidentiality

Conscientiousness                                     Consistency in behavior

Credibility                                       Emotional intelligence

Empathy                                         Honesty

Integrity                                           Moral compass

Reliability                                        Respectfulness

Standing up for what is right                  Thoughtful

19. Creativity

As a leader, you have to make any decisions that do not have a clear answer. So you need to be able to think out of the box. Trying out nontraditional solutions or nontraditional ways will help you solve an otherwise unsolvable problem. Many employees will also be inspired by a leader who doesn’t always choose the safe, conventional path. Here are some creative thinking skills:

Analysis                                        Mental flexibility

Conceptualization                           Critical thinking

Curiosity                                       Embracing different cultural perspectives

Foresight                                   Identifying patterns

Imagination                                   Innovation

Listening                                       Observation                                           

Open-mind                                    Problem solving                           

Good judgment                             Synthesis

Vision

20. Feedback

Leaders constantly look for opportunities to deliver useful information to team members about their performance. However, there is a fine line between giving advice and assistance, and micromanaging. By teaching employees how to improve their work, you can feel more confident delegating tasks to your staff.

Employees respect a leader who provides feedback in a clear and empathetic way. Some good feedback skills include:

Openness to receiving feedback                       Building confidence

Clarity                                               Clearly defined expectations

Coaching                                                Following up

Frequent feedback                                            Listening

Mentoring                                               Positive reinforcement

Specific advice                                        Respect

21. Flexibility

Howsoever well-planned your work may be, mishaps and last-minute changes always occur. Therefore, as a leader, you need to be flexible, accepting changes. Employees will appreciate your ability to accept such changes in stride. Similarly, a leader must be open to suggestions and feedback. If your staff is dissatisfied with the office environment, listen to their concern and be open to making necessary changes. Employees will appreciate a leader’s ability to accept appropriate feedback. The skills related to flexibility are:

Learning new skills                                 Respond to new problems

Adaptability                                           Improvising

Negotiating                                     Openness to feedback

Treating employees as individuals

“All happy families are alike but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”    – Leo Tolstoy

However, it looks like he was not exactly alright as there are many common issues that families face. Our family situation may appear to be unique, but the fact is, millions of families around the world confront similar, if not identical, problems. While these problems may look overwhelming, with knowledge, patience, dedication and a willingness to evolve solutions, all such problems can be worked through.

Family problems come in myriad shapes, impact the entire family dynamics and shape our family relationships. All families deal with relationship problems at times. But the ways the family members cope with these issues provides a framework for family dynamics and sets the tone for family life.

How to Solve Family Problems- Some General Do’s

The idea of family may be on the downhill in many societies globally. But it has stood the test of time for millennia despite the many ills plaguing it. We know family is our life, that’s all we crave for whenever in trouble or need of support. Our family laughs and cries with us and is ever ready to support us in need.

Of course, no way does it mean that families are just perfect and don’t have problems. There are some common threads in a majority of family problems, which warrant resolution for a happy family life. 

Try to

1. Foster an environment of sharing
2. Accept that there is a problem
3. Get down to the basic issue, forget about its outer manifestations and symptoms
4. Save your relationships, forget anger, ego and individual pride
5. Get some professional help, if you are unable to work it through on your own
6. Take good care of yourself

Forging a family culture of openness, trust, communication and security and a willingness to resolve family issues, can go a long way in improving relationships and maintaining positive family dynamics.

How to Solve Family Problems – Some Common Features

Families face many problems – large and small and include arguments, miscommunication, and misunderstandings. They may also involve addictions, financial problems, mental illness, grief, illnesses and divorce. Sometimes, such issues exist between only two family members, while others can involve the entire family. Issues like grief over the demise of a loved one are there for all to see, other problems may be more subtle – a child not coming out openly or a wife, who is an unhappy married woman.

Frequently, family issues are rooted in underlying causes, which may not look apparent but their impact may spread throughout the family. Such conflicts are especially potent in a child’s life, who carry them over into adult lives and future family relationships.

Environment of Sharing

The issue of how to solve family problems needs to be addressed with basic understanding that families are built on relationships, which are strengthened with healthy communication. An environment of sharing is the foundation for healthy communication. The family members should feel safe in order to share their feelings and their problems. From a parental viewpoint, it means letting your child share their viewpoint without the fear of judgment or punishment. A child also needs to feel certain that they will be taken seriously. Such a child can talk comfortably about difficult/emotional issue like mental health, identity, anxiety, or substance abuse. They are more likely to open up while struggling with a situation or making a difficult decision. This is equally true of other family relationships, too, between siblings and between a couple.

An environment of sharing can be fostered by:

1. Listening

Experts on marriage and family counseling list it at the top while talking of the Dos for a strong family bond. Listen to the other one before reacting. Ask if your advice is welcome and if it is not, let it go and follow up later.

Share your own feelings as sometimes, things may not be obvious to others. Sharing your feelings without blaming can bring up new viewpoints and perspectives.

While sharing your perspective, present it as your perspective and not the facts.

 Recognize others’ experiences. Telling others how they should feel discourages sharing.

Be human

Admit your mistakes and make others comfortable while admitting their own mistakes.

Be the Change

We are all influenced by people. Try to be the change you want to see in others by modelling healthy ways of expressing emotions.

Do it together

Marriage and family counseling experts believe that the families that spend time together develop a closeness that encourages open communication and sharing. Try to explore interests, sports or other family activities. Activities that involve going out are very fulfilling and stimulate future conversations and closer relationships. Sharing sets the stage for solving and preventing family problems.

Acknowledge the Problem

Sometimes family problems arise from a lack of closeness while some problems involve something serious like abuse. Whatever be the case, acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step in fixing it. Ignoring such issues and pretending as if everything were fine are unhealthy coping mechanisms.

The lack of such acknowledgment can exacerbate the existing issues, trigger negative situations, and culminate in damaging behavior like lashing out, aggressive arguments, substance abuse, or violence. Acknowledging a problem enables positive action to fix the situation, and may avert unhealthy coping mechanisms that can create negative situations.

Many times, people avoid discussing these problems as such efforts in the past had only worsened the things. Therefore, they begin to believe in avoiding rather than fighting, which causes other side effects. In any case, feeling stuck is a sign that a third party is needed to resolve the problem.

Get down to the Deeper Issue

Once a problem has been acknowledged, we can try to identify its roots. The truth is, most family problems are just outwards symptoms of a deep-rooted problem, knowing which can paves the way for greater empathy among family members e.g.

Substance abuse

Users of alcohol or other substances often use it as a mechanism to escape from a difficult emotional situation like grief over the loss of a loved one, financial instability, marital conflict,  divorce, the pain of illness or other problems. Seeking help from a therapist can help break down the deeper issues that cause substance abuse and help them on the path to recovery.

 Stress, anxiety among children

Often, anxiety is triggered by an event and the stress that stems from it causes further anxiety, thereby making a cyclical pattern. The anxiety could be rooted in a social issue at school,  concern for a friend, feeling overwhelmed in school or struggling with a learning disorder. Children perceive much more and could be reacting to a parent’s passing comment like “We are running on a tight budget these days.” Talking to the child and maintaining trust with open communication encourages them to reveal the source of their anxiety.

Sometimes, bringing out the issue in the open is the only thing needed to resolve a problem. This important step helps develop a plan to resolve issues and encourage understanding within family relationships.

Focus on the Relationship – Leave behind anger and pride

Anger and pride feed negative emotions, hamper empathy, thwart open communication, damaging to individual mental health and are opposed to healthy family relationships. Holding on to them blocks the path to conflict resolution. They fuel stress, anxiety, and depression. However, letting go of these emotions can be difficult and painful. The fear of pain, vulnerability, or failure keeps a person from improving their family relationships.

Prioritize the goal of a happier relationship over being hurt or the fear of failure. Where a family problem exists, someone has already been hurt, which makes the fear of being hurt again even greater. But the potential for healing is real. Focusing on this potential, and letting go of  negative emotions opens the door to communication, healing and better mental health.

 Get Professional Help

Remember, therapy is for everyone; it isn’t reserved for the mentally sick or weak or those with emotional disorders. As humans, we need other humans to work through problems with us and therapy provides a safe environment for it with the support of a trained professional.

Therapists have special expertise gained through professional training. They help you talk about your family issues and develop strategies to resolve difficult situations. Therapy is safe and there is no risk of being judged or medicated.

Regarding the choice of a professional, it’s often good to seek a referral from a friend or family member or your family doctor.

 Take Care of Yourself

Taking care of yourself and keeping good mental health is essential while solving family issues. Always keep in mind – positive family dynamics starts with a healthy self. Being healthy  allows you to let go of negative emotions, which paves the way for safe and open family communication and helps the family focus on relationships.

Common Family Problems

1. Conflicts

Disagreements and conflicts are part of family dynamics, which is especially true of egalitarian marriages and families wherein everyone is free to express opinions. These differences can easily escalate to arguments and conflicts, which potentially damage the family relationships and peace, if left unresolved. 

Arguments, per se, are not bad; they tend to promote independent thinking and reasoning, but the trouble arises when they slip out of hands. Do argue by all means but lay down certain rules and do not let your emotions overpower you as you may hurt others unintentionally.

Solution: 

1. Define the problem clearly and avoid generalizing the issue. For instance, if your spouse didn’t pick a glass lying on the bed today, do not say “You’ll never do that”. You know there has only been one such instance. 
2. Argue over the specific issue and do not bring out other past grouses, which is going to do no good. 
3. Focus on the solution instead of endlessly stretching the argument. If your spouse never presses the toothpaste tube from the bottom, it’s no fun arguing. Get two toothpastes, instead. Simple!
4. Focus on the why behind others’ behavior and if the disagreement is turning into a fight, have a time-out. Return to the topic whenever are back to normal.

2. Communication

Most arguments are caused by inadequate/ poor communication. Everyone needs the chance to explain themselves. Making assumptions regarding anyone is just not done. In order to strengthen family relationships, open communication deserves to be given great priority.

A big casualty of a disagreement/fight is the closure of communication channels, which worsens it.  So keep the lines of communication open. To do so, set aside your ego as it takes a big heart to be the first person to tackle a problem. Try to reach out first, however hard it is. 

* In case it doesn’t work out, an older family member can intervene mediate in a meeting. 

* Ignoring the problem will worsen it, leading to coldness. It’s better to express yourself at a suitable time. Raising a family problem at festival time isn’t a good idea.

* Avoid drinking before a tough family conversation as it can fuel emotions, which will hamper your thinking and block your conversation. 

* Many kids/teenagers hesitate to express for the fear of ridicule/ shame. Explain to the family that each one is welcome to express themselves openly. 

3. Work-Life Balance

The lack of a healthy work-life balance creates another common family conflict. Amidst both parents’ jobs/ businesses, ensuring a work-life balance can be tricky. But it is relatively easier to resolve as the balance is easily achieved with smart planning and slick execution. The key is creating clear boundaries between work and life so that the two don’t overlap to create conflicts.  

Spend time on yourself. With a better work-life balance, you’ll have a better focus and give due attention to work and family.

Solution: The best solution is – leave work at work and focus on family when off work. Delegate your tasks to avoid being overworked. 

4. Infidelity

Infidelity or cheating is being emotionally/physically unfaithful to a spouse and breaking a commitment/promise in the act. Around 1/4th of all marriages face infidelity, one of the biggest threats to marriages and families. Prevention is the best pre-emotive solution i.e. the partners commit to and nurture their relationship. 

Unfortunately, an extra-marital affair offers no painless solution as to rebuild the broken trust, one needs time and a commitment to change.

Solution: Working through the emotions of shock, anger and grief  takes time and effort as it’s important to give yourself space for all your feelings. Be assertive rather than being aggressive as anger causes rash decisions. Practice mindfulness and self-regulation to calm yourself and think rationally.

The cheating spouse must take full responsibility and need to be transparent and answer the other one’s questions. It can lead to an understanding of what went wrong and what needs to change. Though trust doesn’t return overnight, accepting responsibility can be a good start.

However, if things don’t work out, total separation is the only way out. It is a bitter pill that needs to be swallowed in cases where marital recovery is otherwise impossible. 

5. Money Matters 

Finances are big time stressors in a relationship, especially in times of financial stress. Arguments about money are common and important issues and need to be addressed on priority. The most important cause is a disagreement over the way people think about money management. If one spouse is a firm believer in penny-pinching while the other one a spendthrift, you can expect fireworks only. Therefore, sit down and discuss calmly how you will deal with income, expenditure, savings, insurance and investment. The spouses need basic financial literacy to understand and profit from money management and set out the priorities of how it is to be consumed. 

Solution: Create a monthly budget. In case of financial difficulties, cut back on unnecessary expenses and look for additional sources of income. Financial troubles can test a relationship hard and but with openness and sincerity, you can navigate tough times together.

6. Distance

Physical/emotional distance can extract a heavy toll and crate strain, especially if you have kids. Physical distance may be a compulsion due to one’s occupation. If you cannot do anything about the physical distance, think of nightly video chats, online games or watching movies online together.

For those looking to strengthen family relationships, it is import mat to understand that much more dangerous is the emotional distance despite physical proximity. It arises from a serious issue like mistrust or lack of communication, which leads to a lot less sharing.  

Solution: Talk it out honestly and transparently. Listen to each other’s perspectives and try to find a common ground. Try to accommodate the other person’s needs to save your relationship. 

7. Disagreements over parenting styles

Every parent has a different viewpoint about raising children, which is affected by their own upbringing. One cannot undo the past but if you disagree on parenting, talk it out. Discuss and try to understand their views on your parenting style.

Solution: If two spouses disagree over parenting styles, they need to make compromises and adjustments. However, if one parent’s style is toxic for the child, you need to convince them of its toxicity and make them come round to your viewpoint. 

8. Rebellious Children

Rebellious children test your patience and push you to limits. You certainly can teach them the consequences of their actions by setting a positive example of how you react to your emotions. If you are dealing with an angry teenager, listen to their grievances and discuss and offer them advice only if they ask for it. A child can learn many good things by making mistakes.

Unravelling the knots 

Family problems are painful. However, there are ways to prevent them  in the initial stages to restore peace. Life is too short to waste time on cultivating negativity towards your loved ones. 

1. Begin the discussion 
2. Go to the root 
3. Address the problem 

Beginning the Discussion 

1. Wait until you’re calm enough to discuss it. While arguing, wait until everyone is calm to keep it from becoming a full-blown feud. 

* While you’re upset /emotional, wait awhile, the emotion will subside somewhat and you’ll approach the issue logically.

* Approaching someone while you are angry heightens an already tough situation. Wait till tomorrow.

2. Deal in person

* Sending an email is the worst possible choice; it’s open to misinterpretation as there is no body language here, which conveys empathy and reduces pain.

* Pick up the phone or, better, meet in person. 

3. Admit faults

* Understand that family members have faults, but you can still love them.

* Accept your faults. Look at family issues not as all-or-nothing where someone is wrong and someone else right. Instead, perceive the gray areas. 

* Apologize even if you did nothing wrong.

* Avoid the blame game and use positive language. Stay away from negative language. 

* Avoiding judgmental words or name calling. Blaming others makes them defensive and counter attack you. 

* Don’t try to “win” the argument. Try to see two or more ways to see the point. 

* Maintain a calm, modulated tone. Explain calmly and methodically with empathy for others. Cool down the argument with, “I can see your point.”

4. Forgive 

* Forgive those who have wronged you, though difficult. 

* Forgiveness frees you from the corrosive fight. It’s about letting go of the past so that you build a healthier future.

* All humans are imperfect and need forgiveness. 

Getting to the roots 

1. Problem identification

Identify the problem by figuring out what’s going on. Perhaps one is facing health problems or personal problems. Consider the real issue so that you can address it better. 

* Don’t assume, find out what they think. Focus on causes, not symptoms. 

2. Ask 

* Dig out the root cause by asking questions rather than making statements.  

* Asking questions softens the conversation and draws out the truth.

* Ask open-ended questions to provoke them to elaborate and listen to them.

3. Recognize when to discuss

* A family conflict clearly indicates relationship problems. Some problems are caused by differences of opinion such as on cultural values. Other problems can be substance abuse, mental sickness, bullying, mistrust, finances, stress, sex and jealousy.

Addressing the problem 

* Compromising implies that you evolve a mutually acceptable solution to defuse/address a problem. 

* The first step is figuring out whether the problem is solvable. 

* Don’t talk to a family member when you’re distracted, on a project, or phone calls or the like. 

Prevention is the best cure

A sharing environment is the foundation of healthy communication. Family members need to feel safe while sharing feelings and discussing issues. A child must feel safe to share their viewpoint without any fear of judgment/punishment. Children who feel safe easily open up while struggling with a situation or making a difficult decision. This is also true of other family relationships.

Family counsellors recommend the following:

1. Listen         
2. Be willing to share your feelings. 
3. When sharing your perspective, present your perspective and not the facts. 
4. Recognize others’ experiences as valid. 
5. Admit your mistakes, encouraging others to admit theirs.
6. Create a personal example of the behavior you want to see in others. 
7. Try to do things together – interests, sports, activities – to achieve a sense of closeness, open communication and sharing.

However, if everything fails, it’s best to seek professional help.