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So finally, you are settling in life with your dream partner and are eyeing to live a happily-ever-after dream, as the twinkle in your eyes says.  Wish it could come true! But the fact is, and you’ll find it yourself very soon, that all marriages go through challenges and problems, no matter what. The secret to a healthy, thriving relationship lies in your ability to overcome these problems. If you turn your back on your relationship when you face marital issues, it will fall into despair very quickly. On the other hand, taking these marital problems head on will make your relationship healthier and you more resilient.

As a life coach, a bulk of my work comprises dealing with cases of marriage and family counseling. And I can say with confidence that you need to work on every relationship, including marriage, to make them work.

Top 10 Marriage Problems and Solutions

1. Poor Communication

The mother of all marriage problems! Perhaps the biggest predictor of marriage problems is poor communication or negative communication that belies the damaging attitudes and dynamics within a marital relationship. Remember, regular, effective communication is the secret to a lasting marital relationship. Many marriages fail just because the partners drift apart as the stress of their daily lives exacts a toll on the quality of their marriage, their communication stops and instead of resolving their issues, the partners prefer to end their marriage. The fact is: communication in a marriage is more important than love and those who know this reality also know how to preserve it.

Those dealing in marriage counselling services recognize well that there are couples, who do keep the channel of communication open, but in a very perverted way i.e. always yelling, howling, mud-slinging, blaming and pestering. Such negative communication is extremely damaging, in fact, it is a reliable precursor to an ultimate divorce between the two. Psychologists say that it is possible to predict with great certainty which newlywed couples would later divorce, based on a study of their communication patterns for a few minutes. So for a healthy and happy marriage, keep the lines of positive, healthy, constructive communication open. Have an open chat about the issues you are having so that you can resolve them together. If you try to just sweep it under the carpet, it will only worsen into something more serious.

 Solution:

1. Experts on marriage problems and solutions suggest that you set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through with their speaking and ban phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….” Put the cell phones on the vibration mode, put the kids to bed, and let voice mail pick up your calls.
2. Use your body language to show that you’re listening. Also, you can’t communicate while you are doodling, looking at your watch, picking at your nails, checking your mobile, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section of the day’s newspaper.
3. Give a frequent nod so that the other one knows you’re indeed getting the message and rephrase your message, should you need to do so. For instance, say, “What I get is that you feel as if you have more chores at home, though we’re both working.” If you’re right, the other one can confirm it.

What Matters Most When You Want to Save a Marriage?

2. “Trust” those marriage counselling services

The lack of trust has killed many a relationship as trust is a key part of any relationship. Do you see certain things in your partner that cause you not to trust them? Do you have some unresolved issues that keep  you from trusting others? If your answer is yes, it may be the right time to resolve them for a happy marred life. You can foster trust  with the following these tips given by some experts on marriage problems and solutions:

1. Be consistent in your dealings.
2. Be on time for everything.
3. Do what you say you’ll do.
4. Don’t tell a lie — not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
5. Be fair, even while arguing.

3. Money

The stress of fighting over money is one of the most commonly cited marital problems the couples face. But experts on marriage problems and solutions opine that in general, the couples’ money disputes are symbolic of something else i.e. a struggle for power and control, different values and needs, or other issues surrounding money.

However, during tough times, financial stress can create more stress and more conflict over money-related things and money-centered arguments. For example, an extremely money-stressed partner may be less patient and may pick fights about unrelated things without even realizing it.

In some cases, money problems can begin even before the wedding vows are exchanged. They may stem, for example, from courtship expenses or from high wedding costs. The couples who face money woes need to have a serious conversation about finances.

Solution

1. Follow the formula Savings first, Expenses next. It works!
2. You need to be honest about your current finances. If the situation has worsened beyond a point, keeping up the same lifestyle is quite unrealistic.
3. Don’t talk about it in the heat of a verbal battle. Much better to set aside a convenient and non-threatening time for such a serious issue.
4. Very often, one spouse happens to be a spendthrift while the other one is a big saver – an explosive combo, indeed. Try to acknowledge that there are benefits to both styles, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies.
5. Don’t hide your income or debt. Keep financial documents, including the recent credit report, pay slip, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments open to both the parties.
6. Don’t indulge in a blame game with your partner.
7. Agree to make a joint budget that incorporates savings.
8. Decide on who will be paying the monthly bills.
9. Allow each one some money to be spent at their discretion.
10. Try to have an agreement on short-term and long-term financial goals. It’s okay to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
11. Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to plan for their needs.

4. Not Tonight, Honey

Experts in marriage counselling services emphasize that while busy schedules don’t automatically create marital problems, they do present a challenge, which needs to be worked through. Marriage problems result from overly busy schedules for a few reasons. Busy couples are often stressed out, especially if they’re not having quality sleep and good nutrition. Such couples may feel mutually less connected as they have less time to spend together and have more separateness in their lives. They may not work together as a team and may fight over who will tend to which household and social responsibilities.

Solution:

1. Talk it out and acknowledge there is a real problem that needs a solution.
2. Be ready to accommodate each other and their unique, special circumstances and needs.
3. Plan special events together on weekends: movies, games, plays, picnics and the like to compensate for the lack of regular togetherness.
4. Leave behind your phones and take out “we” time every three or six months and go to a quiet resort to reignite the spark in your relationship

5. Sex

Life coaches emphasize that sexual mismatch (in terms of sexual interest or disinterest, relative frequency and the importance given to it)) can be the root of many other relationship problems. And a lack of sexual self-awareness and education can worsen them. But having sex is the last thing you should give up as it brings you closer together, releases bodily hormones to help in creating a chemistry and biology typical of a healthy couple.

Solution:

3. (Plan)3 and (talk) 3.
4. Ask friends or family to take your kids every other Friday night for a sleepover.
5. Changing the scene and the timing a bit can make it more fun. Try to learn what turns you and your partner on.
6. If your sexual relationship problems can’t be resolved on your own, consult a qualified sex therapist to help you address and resolve them.

6. Home Chores

A good enough number of partners work outside the home. With it come more hours of work, feeling of tiredness and stress. So it’s important to divide the labor of doing the household chores in  affair and equitable manner.

Solution

1. You need to be organized and clear about your respective jobs at home. List down all the tasks and agree on who will do what. But try to be fair to avoid any resentment.
2. Be open to finding other solutions. If you both hate doing household work, you may consider outsourcing it to a professional service provider but if one of you likes to do the cleaning and mopping, the other one can do the laundry and the dishes.
3. You can be creative and take preferences into account — as long as it feels fair.

7. Ignoring the Relationship

Making your relationship a focal point should not end with the “I do” uttered while tying the nuptial knot. In general, relationships lose their luster over time. So try to make yours a priority to keep the spark intact.

 Solution:

1. Try to do things you used to do while dating e.g.  appreciation, complimenting, contacting each other and showing interest.
2. Schedule your “we time” on the calendar as you would any other important event.
3. Respect each other and don’t forget to say “thank you,” “I appreciate…” to  let your partner know that they matter.

8. Conflict

Occasional conflicts are a part and parcel of marital life. Period. But if you feel like you’re starring in your own version of an action movie i.e. the same lousy situations keep repeating, it’s time to break this toxic routine. By making an effort, you can reduce your anger and look calmly at the underlying issues.

Solution

1. Marriage and family counseling experts suggest arguing about an issue in a more civil, helpful manner. Make these strategies part of your being.
2. Realize that you are not a victim of anything as it’s your choice whether you react or not and how you do it.
3. Ask yourself honestly- When you’re arguing, are your comments focused on resolving the conflict or are you looking to settle the scores or get some brownie points? If your comments blame and hurt, it’s best to take a deep breath and change the strategy.
4. If you keep responding in the ways that gave you pain in the past, you can’t expect a different result this time. Make a little shift for a big difference. If you usually jump in to defend yourself before your partner has finished speaking, wait for some moments to be surprised over how this small shift can change the whole tone of an argument.
5. Yield a little to get a lot. Apologize if you’re wrong. It’s tough, but just give it a try and watch out for something wonderful to happen.
6. You can’t control anyone else’s behavior as the only one in your charge is just you. Change that YOU.

9. Bad Habits

Sometimes, couples face marital problems that could be solved if the two could try to identify their bad habits and change them. The fact is that people hardly ever make a conscious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical of others, or leave their personal messes for the other to clean. Rather, they get busy or distracted, build up stress inside and go on an autopilot mode. Then they find themselves following the same patterns they hadn’t realized while choosing in the first place.

10. Not expressing constructively

While arguing with your spouse, it can be very easy to let emotions take you over with their intensity. Consequently, you could say many hurtful things that would only worsen the problem instead of fixing it. Try to avoid this kind of route as far as possible.

At the time of discussing your marital problems, focus on being a constructive problem-solver. While at it, it is important to stay on the topic in hand and take care not to bring up previous issues. It’s no use talking of the coffee spilt often by your husband in the mornings if the issue in hand is why he gets home late in the evenings.   

11. Not taking take decisions together

While resolving marital conflicts, you have to approach them together and decide on the best solution as a unit, as a couple. One spouse cannot become authoritarian and make decisions on behalf of both of you. With collective decision-making, you know that you’ve factored in your partner’s feelings and emotions. Stay away from the urge to insist on what you want or see things done your way. Have an open, receptive mind and encourage your spouse to voice their opinions and concerns for inclusive decision-making in all important matters that concern both of you.

However, if things begin to heat up in an argument, try to de-escalate the conflict to keep things light and in control.

12. Not acknowledge other’s feelings

The ability to entertain a thought without accepting it is the biggest mark of maturity.

Opening up about your feelings and having those feelings shut down isn’t a good feeling and makes you feel undervalued. Of course, you wouldn’t want your spouse to feel that way. So if you are trying to resolve a marital conflict, you need to encourage one another and give the other one a chance to speak up and express their feelings. Even if you don’t agree, instead of dismissing their feelings, put yourself in their shoes and try to know why they feel that way. And then look at the ways to address those feelings; that’s what couples in healthy marriages tend to do.

13. Kids issues

The way children are raised and handled can be a potential source of stress and marital problems. Kids are a wonderful gift of marriage and bring more meaning to our lives, but they can also cause additional stress in a marriage as raising them warrants more responsibility and a role change, thereby providing more fodder for disagreement and strain. Having children also reduces the “we time” available to a couple, a combination which can test even the strongest bond.

14. Day to day stress

Day to day stressors can worsen the problems already present there. A stress out partner is more likely to be impatient after getting back home, may handle conflict less effectively and have less emotional energy to devote to nurture the relationship. And with both partners having had a difficult day, it can only be exacerbated.

This day to day daily stress can test patience and optimism, leaving couples with very little to give to each other in emotional terms.

15. Changing role of women

Women across the globe are increasingly getting more and more highly educated and are no longer mere homemakers. They are financially, socially, physically, and mentally independent, which runs contrary to the old mentality of women being considered only as nurturers.

Besides, many males are raised to expect wives earning lesser than them. But when reality hits hard, there are ego clashes, which very few can handle. Such ego clashes obviously cause marital dissatisfaction. Today’s women are not reluctant to walk out of a marriage that isn’t working for them.

Solution

1. Try to be more egalitarian and accommodating of your wife’s needs, aspirations and feelings. Remember, she is your equal and nothing that you do should compromise this status of hers.
2. You are a single unit and there is nothing like mine or yours. Be proud of the fact that she can earn more as her success is yours, too. Try to celebrate her success and achievements.

16. Relations with in-laws

Nearly 2/3rd of all married couples stay with the husband’s parents. Staying with the husband’s family can be the root cause of many problems, the most common cause being the relations between the mother in law and the daughter in law. With worsening relationships, many marriages come to the brink and get dissolved.

Solution

Try living separately from your in-laws to minimize the possibilities of such disputes.

17. Feelings of “competition”

It’s quite common for spouses to feel the need to ‘win’ an argument. Doming so feeds their ego and makes them feel good about themselves that they have proved their spouse wrong about certain things.

Never ever try to resolve your marital problems with this kind of attitude as though you may win an argument, you will lose the relationship and that’s too heavy a cost to pay. It isn’t about winning or losing. Rather, focus on the issues in your marriage so you can both be happy and healthy.

18. Stuck in gridlock

A common hurdle to solving marital problems is when both of you don’t see eye to eye over marital issues e.g. one spouse is willing to discuss them, while the other one doesn’t find it a big deal.

So, when you reach an impasse, take a break as forcing your opinions on the other one isn’t going to change the situation. By taking a break, you give each other some time to put things in perspective.

The D word has stood unique for its obstinacy through my work as a life coach dealing with people suffering from myriad problems. Not in the so-distant past, the C word (Cancer) used to be a popular currency but now we are living in the “Age of Depression” as the number of people reporting depression is skyrocketing. A Ministry of Health and Family Welfare survey says that the Indians, who need professional help for mental disorders, number close to 13 crore i.e. every 11th Indian is a psychological patient. Couple it with the fact that India has too few psychiatrists to handle the epidemic and the picture becomes horrifying. A great majority of them are afflicted with mood disorders, chiefly depression, of which married women are the worst affected (my hunch, too), as they continue to be constrained by so many limitations imposed by families, society and themselves, too.

Though most millennials and lay people are wont to using the D word thing like  loose change, as a life coach, I can tell you confidently – Depression is much more debilitating, incapacitating and wasting than they can possibly think of. For those who aren’t really clued in to it, a bad exam performance, a tiff with a partner or a professor or friend’s remark may be enough to trigger the D thing. But in sharp contrast, for people rendering professional help, it is a much more pregnant, serious, long and persistent phenomenon. So much so that it translates into great personal, social and economic losses leading to absenteeism, poor productivity, poor life quality, sour relationships, separations, divorces and suicides. A NIMHANS, Bengaluru (the apex mental health institution) survey shows that depression is a major trigger in case of a majority of suicides happening in India. And more tragically, a good enough number of such suicides are committed by young people.    

The above illustrates a gross distortion of the real implications of a severely limiting mental disorder. It’s obvious that most of us are oblivious to the great price we are paying as a society for ignoring its grave consequences.

 Identifying the Signs of Depression

Depression or major depressive disorder is a common but serious medical illness which has a negative effect on your feelings, thoughts and actions. In a very general form, depression causes persistent sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can create a variety of emotional and physical problems and can reduce your ability to function effectively at home and at the workplace.

The feelings of being disappointed, dejected or sad over events are quite common in day-to-day life, which lift on their own and don’t require any medication or other medical help. But depression is much beyond that i.e. a state of persistent low mood, sadness lasting more than 14 days.

Depression Vs. Sadness and Grief

Distinguishing between grief and depression is important to help people get the relevant help, support and treatment. A loved one’s death, a job loss or the end of a relationship are difficult experiences and the feelings of sadness or grief are a natural, normal response to such situations. Of course, those experiencing loss may describe themselves as “depressed”, but as noted earlier, sadness is not the same thing as depression. The grieving process is unique to each one and has some features common with depression. Both grief and depression may involve intense sadness and withdrawal from normal activities but they differ in important ways:

1. In grief, painful feelings come in the form of waves, intermixed with positive memories but in case of major depression, mood and/or interest show a serious decline.
2. In case of grief, self-esteem usually remains intact but in major depression, the feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are quite common.
3. For a grieving person, the thoughts of death may surface while thinking about “joining” the deceased one but in case of major depression, the thoughts are focused on ending one’s life due to the feelings of worthlessness or an inability to cope with depression.
4. Grief and depression may exist together and in such cases, the grief is more severe and lasts longer than grief without depression.

Depression can have varying symptoms ranging from mild to severe:

1. Sadness/ low, depressed mood
2. Loss of interest/ pleasure in activities once enjoyed
3. Changes in appetite, weight loss or gain (unrelated to dieting)
4. Inability to have good sleep or sleeping too much
5. Low energy levels/ fatigue
6. Purposeless physical activity (can’t sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slow movements or speech
7. Feelings of worthlessness or guilt or self-blame
8. Difficulties with thinking, focusing or making decisions
9. Thoughts of self-harm, death or suicide

 Some medical conditions like thyroid problems, brain tumor or vitamin deficiency can have symptoms similar to those of depression. So, before arriving at a proper diagnosis, it’s important to rule out other general medical causes, which may be causing these symptoms.

Causes of Depression

Depression is quite egalitarian as it can affect anyone, even someone living in relatively ideal circumstances. Several factors can play a role in causing depression:

Genes: Depression runs in families. If one identical twin has depression, the other one has a 70 percent chance of having it sometime in life. There is a high degree of heritability (approximately 40%) in a case where first-degree relatives (parents/children/siblings) suffer from depression.

Personality: People suffering from low self-esteem, who are easily bogged by stress, or those who are pessimistic are more likely to develop depression.

Biochemistry:  Distortions in brain chemistry (esp. dopamine mechanism) may contribute to depression.

Environmental factors: Sustained violence, neglect, abuse or poverty can make us more vulnerable to developing depression.

A life coach on how to deal with depression    

As a life coach, I understand well that dealing with depression can be difficult as it drains one’s energy, hope and drive, thus making it hard to take remedial steps to feel better. There are some apparent triggers but they are difficult to point out. Though there is no quick fix there yet, there are ways to help you come out of the emotional morass and rumination that accompany it, which make it harder to make behavioral changes necessary to prevent a relapse. For example, just thinking of the things you need to do to feel better – exercising or chatting with friends – appears impossible to implement.

Of course, it doesn’t have to be taken lightly at all. If you have such symptoms, do make it a point to visit a trained psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment. But the medications also work best in tandem with changes in your thought processes, exercising, improved dietary habits etc.

Luckily, there are enough glimmers to cut through this unrelenting darkness:

1. Feel Good

Come on, you deserve it! Relax and energize yourself with good stress management, setting your limits and being part of fun activities.

While you can’t force yourself to feel pleasure, push yourself to do things, even reluctantly and it may surprise you to find how much better you feel. You’ll feel more cheerful and energetic as you take part in fun activities.  I can vouch for it as I have been doing them consistently and advise my clients to do so.

Try to resume a hobby or game you loved earlier – music, dance, art, or writing. Go out and have fun with friends in the hills or a park. Spend some time in the lap of nature, read a book, watch a fun TV show, have a relaxing bath, play with your  pet, talk to a friend or family, listen to music and be ready for a surprise result.

2. Eat healthy, fight depression

Your food directly impacts the way you feel. Limit the consumption of foods that adversely affect your brain and mood e.g. caffeine, alcohol, trans-fats, and foods with preservatives or hormones (like certain meats).

Don’t miss any meal as a long gap between meals can make you feel irritable and tired. Have a small meal every 3-4 hours but try to stay away from sugary snacks, baked items, comfort foods like noodles and pasta as these “feel-good” things crash your mood and energy.

A deficiency of Vitamin B i.e. folic acid and B-12 can also trigger depression in some cases. Consult your doctor for a B-complex vitamin supplement or eat better – more citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans and eggs. Omega-3 fatty acid rich foods also help stabilize our mood.

3. Break the cycle

It has been found that depressive people often tend to give a negative taint to everything, including the way they look at themselves and their expectations about the future.

As a life coach, I often tell my depressive clients that in case of such thoughts crossing their minds, they need to remember it as a symptom of depression and that these irrational, pessimistic attitudes or cognitive distortions are actually unrealistic. You need to break out of this pessimistic mould by telling yourself to “think positive.” Often, it becomes so automatic and natural to you that you aren’t even aware of it. So, the trick is identifying the negative thoughts that you’re your depression and replacing them with more balanced thoughts.

Try to get rid of negative stuff like

“My last test was horrible. What a moron I have been!”

“He told me he had a blast with me at the party, but I guess he’s just being polite.”

“The boss must be thinking of me as a pathetic fellow” or “I’m caught for life in this sucking job.”

“I am such a loser. They must be making fun of me!”

“I shouldn’t have gone to the interview. What an idiot I was thinking It could crack it.”

“What a total flop I am!”

Once you identify the toxic, destructive thoughts that lead to depression, start challenging them with something like

“Is there some evidence that this is true? Not true!”

“What would I suggest to a friend having such a thought?”

“Is there another way to understand and analyze the situation or is there an alternative explanation for it?”

“How would I look at it if I weren’t depressed?”

Across my therapy work with depressive patients, I have found such cross-examination to be quite helpful, which has revealed how fast and easily these negative ideas crumble and help you get a more balanced cognitive perspective, which relieves your depressive symptoms.

4. Reach out

Obtaining the support of the family, friends, colleagues and elders plays a vital role in combating depression. It is difficult to keep a healthy perspective and keep up the effort to come out of it as depression brings a tendency to withdraw and isolate, thereby making the connect with family and friends even tougher.

I agree, you may be feeling tired, ashamed or guilty. But remember, this is just your depression talking to you. Try to remain connected with others and be part of social activities; trust me, it makes a world of difference to your mood and outlook. Never take it as a weakness or a burden on others as your loved ones care about you and would love to help you.

And if there is none to turn to, forge new friendships for a better social support network. Even if the other one may not solve your problem, they can offer great help – by being attentive, compassionate and non-judgmental listeners.  

Though phone calls and social media are great connectors, they cannot replace the good old facetime. Talking to someone in person can play a big role in relieving you of depression and keeping it at a distance. Besides, you can think of ways to help others as it can your boost your mood in return big time. Work with an NGO in your area, join a volunteer group, become a good listener for a friend, be a Good Samaritan for somebody and it will do its mite to drive away your depression, too.

Joining a depression support group may help you meet others waging a similar battle with depression so as to reduce the sense of your being alone. You can encourage each other, give and take advice on coping and also share your own experiences to give hope to one another.

5. Get Going

I fully appreciate that for a depressed person, even getting out of their bed or home is quite a task, let alone working out! But remember, exercising has been proven to be a potent antidepressant, which can aid your recovery fast. In fact, regular exercise has been found to be as effective as medication in relieving depression by doctors.

By exercising regularly, you heighten your levels of the happiness hormone (dopamine) in your brain. Remember the runner’s high you experienced- That exhilarating feeling after about half an hour of intense running, jogging etc? Do at least 30 minutes of exercise daily.  To start with, take a 10-minute walk to see how it improves your mood for one-two hours. Explore continuous, rhythmic exercises like walking, weight training, swimming, martial arts or dance, where you get to move both your arms and legs. Also try to have a partner to socialize and keep yourself motivated at a club, aerobics class or in a soccer team.

6. Health Is Wealth

Sleeping too much or too little can be problematic. So, try having 8 hours of sleep as depression often involves sleep problems. Try to learn about healthy sleep habits to have a good, quality sleep cycle.

Keep your stress level under check as it tends to worsen your depression, apart from triggering it. Think of ways to relieve the pressure coming from workload, money, or bad relationships and to regain control of your life. Regular relaxation practice can help you relieve your depression and stress to boost your enjoyment and well-being. Try out yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation or some such that suits you.

7. Sunny Side Up

Sit in the sunlight to boost serotonin levels to improve your mood. Whenever possible, expose yourself to the sun for a minimum of 20 minutes daily. Take a walk in the open in the lunch break and double up its benefits. Improve the natural lighting in your home and workplace by opening blinds, drapes and sitting near windows.

If these self-help tips and lifestyle changes do not help you, do look for professional help. Remember, seeking help doesn’t imply your weakness. Depression is certainly treatable and curable and you can feel better! Even while you are getting professional help, these things can accelerate your recovery and help you avoid a relapse.

How to Cure Depression?

Studies say that close to 90% people with depression respond well to such treatment and gain some relief from their symptoms. Before a diagnosis or treatment, a health professional has to conduct a thorough diagnostic evaluation, including an interview and physical examination. A blood test may be used to make sure that the depression is not due to some other medical condition, as noted earlier. This evaluation will throw up specific symptoms and explore the patient’s medical and family history, cultural and environmental factors to arrive at a diagnosis and evolve a suitable treatment plan in line with the results of such evaluation.

Read: Simple Lifestyle Changes for Depression Treatment

Medication

As a distorted brain chemistry may contribute to depression, antidepressants may be prescribed to modify the brain chemistry. Antidepressants may take at least 2-3  months to show their effects on the patients. In case a patient feels no improvement after several weeks, the psychiatrist can alter the dosage or add or substitute another antidepressant. Tell your doctor if a medication doesn’t work or if you experience any side effects of the medication.

Usually, patients are asked to continue medication for 6 months or more after the condition has improved and long-term maintenance treatment may be suggested to decrease the future risks they might face.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy or “talk therapy” is sometimes used alone to treat mild depression but for moderate to severe depression, psychotherapy is used along with the usual antidepressants. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is quite popular and effective. CBT helps the patient recognize their distorted thinking to motivate them to change their thoughts and behaviors in order to respond to challenges positively.

Often, psychotherapy may involve others, too – family or spouse, depending on the case. Depending on the severity of the problem, the treatment may take a few weeks or longer.

Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)

It is reserved for patients with severe major depression who don’t benefit from other treatments. ECT involves a brief electrical stimulation of the brain under anesthesia 2-3 times weekly for 6-12 treatments. ECT is recognized for its effectiveness as a mainstream rather than a “last resort” treatment in extreme cases. 

Are you really tired of living a 9-5 work life and would love to strike out on your own and be your own boss? Well, there never was a better time than the present one. The advances in information technology have lowered the entry barriers to new lows, and whether you want to bootstrap or raise venture capital for your business, the options for raising funds are wider than ever before.

Being an entrepreneur is one of the most difficult jobs ever as few career paths require the kind of work, skill, sacrifice and commitment it warrants. It is hard, no doubt, but is also really rewarding. But before you decide to take the plunge, it is important to understand some common mistakes that plague so many entrepreneurs today, no matter which field or business you are in.

Many wanna-be entrepreneurs fail to anticipate or realize that their path is paved with bumps and humps that can make even the most seasoned entrepreneur fall, if they do not exercise enough care on the way. How do you ensure that you get to succeed in a hyper-competitive, crowded marketplace? One thing you can certainly do is: avoiding the most common mistakes entrepreneurs commit by learning from the experience of others. Even the most seasoned entrepreneurs commit many mistakes, which they don’t wish to talk about openly. But sharing such experiences with others can help them avoid committing the same mistakes in their journey to success.

10 Most Common Mistakes Entrepreneurs Make

As part of my life coaching experience, I often get to talk to many people looking for corporate counselling. Well, here are my two cents on the Top 10 Commonest Entrepreneurial Mistakes, many of them based on what I have learnt from my entrepreneurial journey so far:

1. Lack of focus

Experts involved in corporate counselling often point out that a clear business focus makes it easier for you to communicate about your product and who it’s meant for. In contrast, by trying to appeal to all by adding all sorts of features, you dilute your marketing message and end up with a complex product. Take some serious inspo from Dropbox and Instagram to focus on doing just one thing really well.

Any business coach worth their salt can tell you that it’s not easy, given the multiple kinds of pressures coming from customers, investors or team members. But learning to say no is something you need to cultivate if you want a usable product. Getting the core right makes your life much easier. A good technique to achieve it is to make a list of things you WON’T do by adding some constraints to the development process – so everyone knows what the product ISN’T. This way, you can hope to make better product decisions and learn a valuable trait common to all successful entrepreneurs.

This one ought to be the starting point of any enterprise, but it often gets overlooked. Quite often, entrepreneurs plunge straight into their ideas without thinking of why they’re doing what they’re doing or thinking about the change they wish to bring about in the world.

Let’s face it: In the absence of a clear purpose, no enterprise can move along with much momentum. And when things get tough (which they are going to), there isn’t much to pull your team through. A clear purpose adds real meaning to one’s work something that people can rally around. It gives your brand real weight as it has got a reason for its being. Therefore, it’s worth spending time giving shape to this idea and articulating it. Notice carefully that the following taglines don’t mention any product anywhere:

“Connecting People” – Nokia

“To be the earth’s most customer-centric company” – Amazon

The fact is, as an entrepreneur, you need to awaken an emotion among your early customers so that they feel something special, return for more and tell their friends about it. Consumer research reveals that most buying decisions are based on emotions, rather than on any logic as people don’t buy what you do; rather, they buy why you do it. If your customers believe your mission – i.e. what you believe and where you’re going, they’ll listen to you and how you do it. So, by focusing on the question of ‘why?’ in business, you can forge a deeper connection with your target audience and give your business a better shot at success.

Without any focus, you will harm not only your business but also your relationships with clients and partners, too. But the lack of ability to find focus is very real in many cases. Instead of feeling bad about the lack of focus, you can try turning it into an advantage. Just think of Richard Branson and the diverse products he offers. Now, if someone were to judge Branson negatively for a lack of focus, they could be excused by just looking at Branson and his diversified product portfolio. So, if you have a hard time finding your niche, try to adopt a diversified business model.

2. Building a product no one wants

Life’s too short to build something nobody wants.

Any business coach’s first piece of wisdom for you is to ask to build something that people really need and are ready to pay for. Mostly, the “right” product is simple, compelling, and aligned with your business model. But often, you see websites/apps that look nice and seemingly offer a good experience, but upon deeper study, you find there’s no obvious value offered to the user. Either the problem being solved isn’t big enough or the proposed solution doesn’t hit the right note to gain significant traction.

Therefore, first of all, try to ensure that you build the right product before you perfect the experience. Besides, before building the product, you may have a discovery phase to explore the market, test your risky assumptions and discover potentially more lucrative opportunities. Most business ideas are based on its founders’ assumptions, which are yet untested. Many business disasters could have been avoided very simply by talking to customers. So, it’s your responsibility as an entrepreneur to find a valuable and desirable product. It makes no business sense to build something unless there is evidence that you have found the right product.

3. Not enough listening

‘Make things people want, not make people want things’.

Those involved in corporate counselling never fail to highlight this point. You DO need a sales pitch, but you also need to listen. Funding is so important to early-stage startups that they get pro at perfecting their sales pitch pretty soon. It’s great news if you’re looking for funding, but not so good if you’re searching for a product-market fit. Without a proven business model, you run the risk of missing opportunities that could come from just listening to people.

Developing entrepreneurship skills also includes, besides developing the art of speaking, cultivating the art of good listening, too. While exploring a new product idea, we often conduct customer interviews without ever mentioning a solution. This exercise aims at a better understanding of potential customers to see if the problems we’re trying to address are a real pain for them. So, proposing a solution early on can take the conversation away from many missed but potential opportunities. The key is understanding your customers’ problems before selling solutions.

3. Launching too late (or too early)

Too many startups spend months or years in a ‘stealth mode’, away from the public eye, and  never come to the point of releasing their product. Lack of planning is a formula for failure, but too much of it can also cause a disaster. Too much planning can weigh you down. In fact, a good plan always leads to a decision. Focus on a few key themes instead of addressing all potential problems at once and strengthen the revenue-generating areas before moving to minor issues.

On the other extreme are those businesses, which launch a poor early version in the true lean startup style. But it would be a blunder to release it if it’s not ‘bare minimum awesome’. Ensure a base level of design and usability, else you will not get the results you’re hoping for. Of course, getting the balance right between launching early and creating the perfect product is not easy but perfecting it could pay rich dividends.

Keep in mind that your first release is just the beginning, not the end of the process. Try to learn from customer experience, revise and improve as you go along, but avoid overloading features on it. Instead, try to focus on optimizing your core product before adding more.

4. Design can make-or-break

Many entrepreneurs often see little value in investing in design. In many cases, it can be a missed opportunity. Especially in the startup world, the culture of solution or technology first has prevailed, whereas they need to take a people-centred approach to developing products and services.

Unless the product you make delivers real value to customers, it’s just a vanity trip, regardless of  the technology. Entrepreneurs need to learn about the competitive advantages coming from well-designed products and services. Just look at what Xiaomi, Nokia, Apple do in terms of designing and you’ll get the idea. It’s worth every penny you spend on it.

5. Hiring wrong people

Many well-funded startups hire people too soon, before they really know about the sort of person they need. Meeting your future spouse in a nightclub is as unlikely as meeting your long-term business partner at a local gala. Thus, it all boils down to pinning down your organizational DNA. With a strong vision and set of values driving you, you’ll know the sort of person who will be the right fit. No talented person would like to work unless they have a real bond with you and believe in your organizational purpose.

6. Expecting success too soon

Expecting success right away is setting oneself up for disappointment. Undoubtedly, it’s a great idea to be armed with the confidence and the drive to succeed fast, but don’t expect it to happen  right away. While it takes a long time to grow a business, it takes even longer to make money from it.

Therefore, you need to have realistic expectations and show patience. Why so many businesses fail early on is because entrepreneurs expect to make money too soon. Many a time, businesses have to shut as the entrepreneur can’t pay the rent anymore as they had expected to earn money right away to meet business expenses. That’s why having a cushion to fall back on and being realistic is so crucial for the success of a business.

7. Getting the wrong investor/partner

Those looking for corporate counselling on setting up a new venture need to bear in mind that find the right investor is as crucial to business as finding the right partner. Simply because someone has the moolah or someone is your friend or a family member doesn’t mean they are necessarily the right partners / investors for you. It’s quite tricky to pick the investor who can be a good fit for your business.

The foremost thing to remember while choosing the right business investor/partner is it is akin to a marriage, which obviously means that there will be misunderstandings and conflicts. However, it’s important to realize that such misunderstandings need to be addressed logically. Therefore, it is essential to set the right expectations on Day 1, so that you know what to do and expect in future.

You can start finding the right partner by understanding the investment options available. Study them before choosing one and don’t be afraid to ask what the investors can provide. It will also give you an idea as to how much involvement the investor will have in the business- just financial or operational or strategic. And finally, make sure that your investment pitch clearly articulates your vision and business plan.

8. Chasing investors, forgetting customers

Having a great business idea doesn’t mean that you’ll definitely get funding. One of the surest ways to ensure survival is to design a business model that lets the product pay for itself. These days, you can find so many businesses too much focused on building a pitch rather than a business. So forget about funding for a moment and try to find a customer to pay for your product. Getting some more customers and investment becomes a lot easier that way.

Besides, while scouting for investment, focus more on the product vision and the story and less on the (manufactured) numbers. Like a true entrepreneur, worry about the things under your control (a great product and customers delight) rather than things beyond your control (getting VCs, angel investors).

9. Foster customer loyalty

Let’s admit: There’s a direct correlation between a positive user experience and user loyalty. It has repeatedly been proved that a happy customer tends to spend more money, more often. But more startlingly, a happy customer tells only 4-5 friends on average about their positive experience while an unhappy one tells many his friends more times this figure.

Customers are savvier now and don’t put up with a poor product/ service if there’s a better alternative available. For you, your customers’ experience is the main contact with your brand. So, it’s the key to finding ways to ensure customer delight. In case of a negative emotion, they will likely never come back (or even worse harm your brand with bad reviews).

10. Trying to do everything yourself

There is enough evidence to show that multitasking can harm your brain and affect your productivity. Multitasking doesn’t make your company grow quickly or enhance your profits. In fact, it can do just the opposite as you may wear yourself down by wearing too many hats at the same time. 

So, good entrepreneurs always delegate – plain and simple. If you are trying to do everything by yourself, you are planning to fail. Therefore, it’s important to know when and how to outsource. Hiring others to take care of some tasks that you cannot handle on your own is a sensible idea.

Different entrepreneurs have different tasks that they want to outsource. Regardless, it is important to understand that you delegate to them certain tasks so that you can make better use of your time and put yourself in the best position possible. Doing everything yourself will only burn you out or draw your focus away from the tasks that need your attention.

Read: How to Increase Productivity At Work?

11. Hiring/ spending too quickly

While it is not advisable to do everything by yourself, hiring people too soon can also mean disaster for business. A good way to determine a good time for hiring is to look at the growth of your business. Just because you see a sudden growth rush doesn’t imply that you go hire right away. Try to make sure that the increased workload sustains itself for a good enough period before you start hiring.

Business and finance go hand in hand. No sensible businessman, be they  small or big, in their right mind ignores this factor. Having a regular tab on your financial statements will help you know where it really stands. You can evaluate which areas are guzzling up a major chunk of your cash outgo and where you need to cut down your spending.

12. Ignoring social media

Many conventional-minded industrialists believe that they don’t need the Internet. But the hard fact i : whether you are a small enterprise or a gaint one, you need the Internet. Simply because your customers are there and any business that aspires to be successful needs to be where its customers are and meet them there face-to-face.

Entrepreneurs need to harness the current tech revolution right now. In fact, the Internet and social media are very economical tools to use, and more importantly, they work very fast and are damn effective. Besides, they have the power to spared the good (or the bad) word really fast.

Summing Up

1. Don’t be afraid to fail/ commit mistakes
2. Make a business plan
3. Get yourself organized                    
4. Understand the market and your target audience
5. Don’t do everything by yourself            
6. Find the right partners / investors with due diligence
7. Don’t hire too soon                                
8. Be ready to experiment/ revise your product offering
9. Don’t launch your product too quickly/ late     
10. Don’t expand your business too quickly
11. Create a proper marketing plan  
12. Don’t hire the wrong people
13. Don’t over-promise or under-deliver    
14. Harness the power of the Internet/ social media