Marriage counselling today is different from what it was back then, as modern relationship problems require modern solutions.
Today, if you’re a very young couple, the options for you are endless. Find someone in the office, find them here and there. Check your Instagram or Facebook, or if not, go find someone on Tinder and Bumble.
Earlier love bloomed slowly and gradually with few options. Today endless choices make love feel like a limitation rather than a soulful desire.
One Partner Carries the Burden of All
Despite having connections just a text away, the modern human feels lonely.
And what do we do when we feel lonely? We put all the pressures of other relationships on our romantic relationship. We expect them to be a friend, a mother, a father, a therapist, a community—everything. But it is impossible for one person to fulfill all our emotional needs .
Remember earlier, when we would go out to play or neighbors would get together or people would live in bigger families? Yes, it fostered a sense of community, right?
Now brands have taken over this space. That’s why we fight over Apple vs Samsung—it brings a sense of real community. So, what’s the solution to this?
Checkout: The Power of Pre-Marriage Counseling: A Guide to a Strong and Healthy Relationship
Why ‘Me Time’ Matters in Relationships
Don’t rely on your partner for a sense of security—it will cause you to lose some of your chemistry. Find passions, whether you’re a housewife, househusband, working husband, or a working wife.When you glow on your own your relationship blooms too .
I run 3 companies, do life coaching and business coaching, look after my children, and still manage to make time. And I realize because of my “me time,” I perform better in other areas of my life.
Partner or Life Expectations Carrier?
Do you rely on your partner to feel a sense of purpose or security in life?
You might be overburdening them. Find your own sense of purpose in lifeYour partner can walk with you—but not carry you.
When I, Ritu Singal, conducted marriage counselling, I found that couples these days overly rely on their partner for everything, and when their expectations aren’t met, they feel disheartened.
After showing them how to manage their time and build some harmony, I realized they had more expectations from their partner than anybody else. They would tell all the complaints of their life to their partner.
When someone continuously pours out negative energy, we associate that person with negativity.
Sharing is fine, but overburdening one person can create a lost sense of intimacy.Also it removes mystery. The mystery keeps the spark alive.
And then, when you argue or have a fight, it feels like your entire world is crashing—because you made them your whole world.
Hence, talk to friends. If you have a problem sharing, you can describe it as someone else’s problem.Then try counselling. Learn and grow every day.
Reignite Your Spark
Learning how to be more funny or charismatic and taking efforts to chart your date nights can be healthy.
Don’t stop being the muse for your partner if you’re a woman, and don’t stop pursuing your partner if you’re a man. After we get into the relationship and marriage, we think we’ve conquered it all! But the real relationship begins after the marriage. Your love story doesn’t end with happily ever after.It is not a movie .Its not a fairytale. You have to keep working to make it seem like a fairytale.
Hence, if you have kids, be playful and loving around your partner in front of them. Kids learn and imitate what they see from their parents. That’s how they learn healthy love.
Intimacy and Space
Engage in physical intimacy. Respect each other’s “no”s and when to be gentle in physical intimacy. But have physical intimacy every week—or some sort of gestures such as hugs, cuddles, and more.
Next, respect your partner’s need for space. When you respect your partner’s need for space, you create proper distance. Space creates distance for love to breathe. It creates mystery, a longing which keeps love alive. Dont try to smother this spark.
Trauma or Trauma Bonded?
You may create a fantasy bond when you come from a sense of hurt.
If you’re a person who constantly values routine over spontaneity in your relationship, pause take a deep check and reflect. Why do you do that? Next, if you keep valuing safety over passion—keep doing the safe thing—maybe you and your partner are just going through the motions of your relationship.
Or maybe both of you are scared of fusing your identity with each other. Or you’re on the other side of the spectrum, where you completely lose yourself in the relationship and forget about your hobbies, your self-independence—things that excite you.
Then slowly, you begin to lose real feelings for your partner and enter a fantasy bond. In this bond, you play the role of a couple without truly feeling like one.
But you can get the excitement and spark back that you once had in the relationship. Yes indeed, you can.
Marriage counselling and other forms of counselling can help with this.
How Do You View Your Partner?
When you see your partner as an extension of yourself, you lose that chemistry that drew you towards them.
But if you view them as the independent and attractive person they are, you can maintain that sense of excitement.You didnt fall in love with a mirror but a mystery
Drinking too much or overeating is often a coping mechanism to reduce the distance between you and your partner.
Sure, other traumas play a part—but in this scenario, this is what usually happens.
All of these small things cause boredom or a lack of spark in your relationship.
So How Do We Exactly Get Out From This?
One healthy way is through boundaries.
Think about people when they first fall in love. What brings them close to each other is their unique qualities. Let them associate you with love.
Sharing activities is necessary too. You have to show up for your partner’s interests and passions, even if they don’t align with yours. Create adventures, and don’t be nagging while they do things they love. That way, they’ll associate their favorite activity—and you—with love. Don’t make love a competition of pain -empathy over comparision Empathize with them and let your conversations flow.If you don’t have these skills, don’t worry—these skills can be learned.
Checkout: Signs You Need a Mental Health Coach and Why You Should Consider Me?
Don’t harbour anger against your partner.
When we are with someone for a long time, we tend to build anger and resentment. Deal with problems from a mature stance.
Communication is key. However, communicating condescendingly is never the key.
“Modern love isn’t broken — it just needs new tools: space, shared joy, boundaries, and constant learning. Many problems mentioned above stem from unresolved trauma in childhood and life. Hence, we must go to counselling to heal ourselves. Let me know if you’d like a social media caption or carousel for this post too!
