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We all love getting the latest iPhone, the newest car, or the trendiest app, but how often do we update ourselves? We don’t put in nearly as much effort. That’s what being the best version of yourself is really about—constantly evolving and upgrading to the highest version of who you can be.

But here’s the real question: Why are you striving for this? Are you doing it for validation from others, or are you doing it for yourself? What’s truly driving your self-improvement?

Many people chase success just to prove others wrong. In the process, they fall into cycles of self-loathing, pity, procrastination, or even self-sabotage due to external pressures.

Motivational videos and even celebrity speeches often glorify this mindset, making it seem like pain and struggle are the only paths to success. But this is a cry of performance—a deeply rooted fear of failure and a constant need for external validation. No matter how much you achieve, you won’t feel truly happy because you’re operating from this fear-driven mindset.

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• Compare yourself to others constantly
• Feel like you’re never good enough unless you’re productive
• Fear failure so much that it controls your actions

This often stems from childhood experiences—being compared, criticized, or put in situations beyond your control. Maybe you were only praised when you were productive, shaping how you see success today.

But true greatness comes when you break free from this mindset and start living for yourself.

That’s where I come in.

I’m Ritu Singal—a life coach, business coach, and entrepreneur managing three companies, while still making time for my family and self-care.

If I can do it, so can you. Let me help you train your mindset, break free from the cry of performance, and unlock the best version of yourself.

Are you ready to upgrade YOU?

Being the Best Version of Yourself Isn’t Just About Your Career

Let me share with you the story of a woman who found herself lost in marriage.

She was a smart, highly educated woman who initially had a beautiful relationship with her husband. They were in love, and everything seemed perfect. But over time, as their responsibilities grew, she had kids, had to take care of her extended family, and became consumed with managing the household, her newborn babies, and her extended family. This eventually led her to lose herself in the process, neglecting self-care.

She was expected to put the needs of others above her own, and she accepted her fate. At first, she didn’t seem to mind. She became the self-sacrificing woman she always was. But as time passed, she realized something was missing.

Conflicts began arising from small disagreements, and she found her voice fading. Being the best version of herself meant that she had to find her voice, find time for herself, and grow.

Some women react quickly, understanding what happened and fighting back. Others need time. Trauma is complex, and it has various biological, psychological, and situational factors.

Through counseling and personal growth programs, she started rediscovering herself. It wasn’t an overnight transformation—it took months of rigorous psychological techniques and deep self-reflection. Change doesn’t happen instantly, but she was determined.

Over time, she regained her confidence and finally decided to become the best version of herself.

She started earning and taking care of her financial needs. Even her husband, whose love had faded under the weight of responsibilities, began noticing her again and stopped taking her time and love for granted. But this change didn’t happen easily. At first, she had to face even more resistance, taunts, and emotional challenges from her family.

Eventually, her efforts paid off. She stood up for herself, set boundaries, and prioritized self-respect. She started to see that love was important, but it wasn’t as important as self-love. When you put yourself first, others start valuing you too.

The Key Lesson: Love Yourself First

Love is important, but being the best version of yourself is essential too. Whether you’re a teenager, a mother, a father, or a grandparent, becoming the best version of yourself can take you places and help you receive the love and respect you deserve.

True love begins with self-respect. If you learn how to love yourself, the world will love you too. However, there will be days when you don’t like yourself, and that’s okay. But never forget to love and respect yourself.

If you find yourself struggling with self-love, you can take my counseling sessions. Let’s work together to unlock the best version of YOU.

The real stress management training? It’s life itself — how you deal with it.

Sure, you can take courses, learn mindfulness, do the breathing. But honestly? None of it matters unless you actually use it in real-life situations. That’s why I, Ritu Singal, only work with clients who are serious about making changes.

Yes, you’ll learn how to stay calm when you’re under pressure. But if you don’t shift your overall mindset, you’re going to stay stuck. That’s the hard truth. That’s why I don’t just teach stress management — I go deeper.

Most people live either in the past or in the future. They’re either stuck thinking, “Why did I say that?”, “I should’ve done this,” or they’re worried about what might go wrong.

But the truth? The now is all you really have. Your power lies in the here and now.

Start simple. Write down what needs to be done. Pick one thing. Do just that. Stay with it. Don’t check your phone, don’t start another thing. Just focus. And when your mind races — because it will — try playing soft music in the background. It calms your system.

Still restless? That’s fine. Set aside time to actually feel your emotions. Not think about them. Not suppress them. Feel them. Cry, journal, breathe — do what you need to.

Other hacks that help? Chewing gum. Using a stress ball. Touching something warm like tea or coffee — and just sitting with it. Let the heat absorb some of your stress. Here’s a brief breathing exercise: take two breaths, then release them. Works wonders when everything feels overwhelming.

if you’re out walking and your thoughts spiral, try focusing on your feet touching the ground. Feel the step. It’s grounding — literally.

Here’s a brief breathing exercise: take two breaths, then release them. 

Go if you’re fortunate enough to live close to a beach.If not, find a park. Trees and fresh air can do more for your mind than any screen.

Your focus is also tied to how you treat your body. Move. Walk. Dance. Do yoga. Anything that gets your body going. Because if you’re physically unwell, your energy and focus will suffer. That’s just how it is.

Checkout: Mental Health: The Matters That Matter

And food — yes, eat healthy. But even that’s not enough for some. You might be eating something your body’s allergic to and not even know it. That messes with your clarity. So if you can, get an allergy test or even a vitamin test. It could change everything.

Let’s talk affirmations. Most people repeat, “I’m confident,” “I’m strong,” “I can do anything” — and then go back to doubting themselves five minutes later.

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The real affirmations? They happen when that voice in your head says, “I can’t do this,” and you reply, “Yes, I can.” Or even, “Maybe not yet — but I’ll figure it out.”

Stop saying “I’ll try.” It’s vague. Weak. Either you do it, or you don’t. Face your challenges directly, and just do the work. Don’t push it to tomorrow.

Time management is something I swear by. As someone who runs three companies, I’ve learned that nothing beats time and discipline. And now I know some of you might be thinking, “But Ritu Ma’am, you don’t know how much pressure I have.” I do.

I discuss in my autobiography  how I decided not to break. My husband, who had cheated on me, died by suicide after losing 50 to 60 crores in business. I didn’t know anything about business; I was a housewife. But I learned. I turned my daughter’s life around. I turned my life around.

That’s why my autobiography sold out. That’s how I became a life coach. And that’s why I’m telling you — your story can change too.

This journey? It’s ongoing. I’m still walking it. But I’ve come far. And you can too.

If you’re ready to stop being stuck, follow these steps. And if you’re serious about changing your life — visit my website, and take a look at my story 

Marriage counselling today is different from what it was back then, as modern relationship problems require modern solutions.

Today, if you’re a very young couple, the options for you are endless. Find someone in the office, find them here and there. Check your Instagram or Facebook, or if not, go find someone on Tinder and Bumble.

Earlier love bloomed slowly and gradually with few options. Today endless choices make love feel like a limitation rather than a soulful desire.

One Partner Carries the Burden of All

Despite having connections just a text away, the modern human feels lonely.

And what do we do when we feel lonely? We put all the pressures of other relationships on our romantic relationship. We expect them to be a friend, a mother, a father, a therapist, a community—everything. But it is impossible for one person to fulfill all our emotional needs .

Remember earlier, when we would go out to play or neighbors would get together or people would live in bigger families? Yes, it fostered a sense of community, right?

Now brands have taken over this space. That’s why we fight over Apple vs Samsung—it brings a sense of real community. So, what’s the solution to this?

Checkout:  The Power of Pre-Marriage Counseling: A Guide to a Strong and Healthy Relationship

Why ‘Me Time’ Matters in Relationships

Don’t rely on your partner for a sense of security—it will cause you to lose some of your chemistry. Find passions, whether you’re a housewife, househusband, working husband, or a working wife.When you glow on your own your relationship blooms too .

I run 3 companies, do life coaching and business coaching, look after my children, and still manage to make time. And I realize because of my “me time,” I perform better in other areas of my life.

Partner or Life Expectations Carrier?

Do you rely on your partner to feel a sense of purpose or security in life?

You might be overburdening them. Find your own sense of purpose in lifeYour partner can walk with you—but not carry you.

When I, Ritu Singal, conducted marriage counselling, I found that couples these days overly rely on their partner for everything, and when their expectations aren’t met, they feel disheartened.

After showing them how to manage their time and build some harmony, I realized they had more expectations from their partner than anybody else. They would tell all the complaints of their life to their partner.

When someone continuously pours out negative energy, we associate that person with negativity.

Sharing is fine, but overburdening one person can create a lost sense of intimacy.Also it removes mystery. The mystery keeps the spark alive.

And then, when you argue or have a fight, it feels like your entire world is crashing—because you made them your whole world.

Hence, talk to friends. If you have a problem sharing, you can describe it as someone else’s problem.Then try counselling. Learn and grow every day.

Reignite Your Spark

Learning how to be more funny or charismatic and taking efforts to chart your date nights can be healthy.

Don’t stop being the muse for your partner if you’re a woman, and don’t stop pursuing your partner if you’re a man. After we get into the relationship and marriage, we think we’ve conquered it all! But the real relationship begins after the marriage. Your love story doesn’t end with happily ever after.It is not a movie .Its not a fairytale. You have to keep working to make it seem like a fairytale.

Hence, if you have kids, be playful and loving around your partner in front of them. Kids learn and imitate what they see from their parents. That’s how they learn healthy love.

Intimacy and Space

Engage in physical intimacy. Respect each other’s “no”s and when to be gentle in physical intimacy. But have physical intimacy every week—or some sort of gestures such as hugs, cuddles, and more.

Next, respect your partner’s need for space. When you respect your partner’s need for space, you create proper distance. Space creates distance for love to breathe. It creates mystery, a longing which keeps love alive. Dont try to smother this spark.

Trauma or Trauma Bonded?

You may create a fantasy bond when you come from a sense of hurt.

If you’re a person who constantly values routine over spontaneity in your relationship, pause take a deep check and reflect. Why do you do that? Next, if you keep valuing safety over passion—keep doing the safe thing—maybe you and your partner are just going through the motions of your relationship.

Or maybe both of you are scared of fusing your identity with each other. Or you’re on the other side of the spectrum, where you completely lose yourself in the relationship and forget about your hobbies, your self-independence—things that excite you.

Then slowly, you begin to lose real feelings for your partner and enter a fantasy bond. In this bond, you play the role of a couple without truly feeling like one.

But you can get the excitement and spark back that you once had in the relationship. Yes indeed, you can.

Marriage counselling and other forms of counselling can help with this.

How Do You View Your Partner?

When you see your partner as an extension of yourself, you lose that chemistry that drew you towards them.

But if you view them as the independent and attractive person they are, you can maintain that sense of excitement.You didnt fall in love with a mirror but a mystery

Drinking too much or overeating is often a coping mechanism to reduce the distance between you and your partner.

Sure, other traumas play a part—but in this scenario, this is what usually happens.

All of these small things cause boredom or a lack of spark in your relationship.

So How Do We Exactly Get Out From This?

One healthy way is through boundaries.

Think about people when they first fall in love. What brings them close to each other is their unique qualities. Let them associate you with love.

Sharing activities is necessary too. You have to show up for your partner’s interests and passions, even if they don’t align with yours. Create adventures, and don’t be nagging while they do things they love. That way, they’ll associate their favorite activity—and you—with love. Don’t make love a competition of pain -empathy over comparision Empathize with them and let your conversations flow.If you don’t have these skills, don’t worry—these skills can be learned.

Checkout: Signs You Need a Mental Health Coach and Why You Should Consider Me?

Don’t harbour anger against your partner.

When we are with someone for a long time, we tend to build anger and resentment. Deal with problems from a mature stance.

Communication is key. However, communicating condescendingly is never the key.

“Modern love isn’t broken — it just needs new tools: space, shared joy, boundaries, and constant learning. Many problems mentioned above stem from unresolved trauma in childhood and life. Hence, we must go to counselling to heal ourselves. Let me know if you’d like a social media caption or carousel for this post too!

As I waded through the knee-deep waters of the monsoon season, I couldn’t help but think of Samuel Coleridge’s timeless lines: “Water, water everywhere…!” The dirty, swirling waters seemed to mirror the turmoil that brewed within me as I hurried to meet Joana at the café.

A Conversation that Changed Everything

As I sat down across from Joana, I noticed that she seemed lost in thought. My loud greeting snapped her out of her reverie, and she turned to me with tears welling up in her eyes. Without a word, I pulled up a chair and sat beside her, waiting for her to pour out her heart.

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A Lesson in Emotional Resilience

As a life coach, I’ve learned that emotional resilience is key to navigating life’s challenges. I asked Joana, “What do you do if someone throws garbage in front of your house? Would you bring it inside your house?” Her response was immediate: “No, of course not.” I pressed on, “So, when someone speaks negatively about us, it’s like that garbage. Why do you keep it close to your heart?”

Joana’s tears began to subside, replaced by a faint smile. I continued, “When your mother-in-law judges you, it’s her mind, her judgment, based on her beliefs. It can be different, can’t it?” I watched as she searched for answers in her mind, expecting me to sympathize with her plight. But I had other plans.

The Power of Perspective

I asked Joana, “What do you do if you’re driving and stray dogs start barking at you? Do you stop your car and answer them back?” She shook her head, and I continued, “Our lives are like the vehicle we’re sitting in, safe as long as we don’t come down to their level and react.”

As her eyes glazed over, I knew she was struggling to connect the dots. I took a deep breath and began to retell the story of the frog, one that our management teacher, Mr. Matharu, used to share with us.

The Frog Story: A Lesson in Emotional Resilience

The story goes like this: when a frog is placed in boiling water, it jumps out immediately. But when it’s placed in cold water that’s slowly heated, it doesn’t realize the danger until it’s too late. Similarly, when we’re faced with negativity and criticism, we have a choice: we can either jump out of the boiling water, or we can let the heat consume us.

Building Emotional Resilience

As I finished the story, Joana’s eyes locked onto mine, and I could see the realization dawning on her. She began to understand that she had the power to choose how she responded to the negativity surrounding her. She didn’t have to let it consume her; she could rise above it.

Checkout: Why Read ‘I Decided Not To Cry’

Conclusion

In that moment, Joana’s tears began to dry, replaced by a sense of determination. She knew that she couldn’t control how others behaved, but she could control how she reacted to them. As she walked out of the café, the monsoon waters still swirling around her feet, I knew that she was ready to take the first step towards emotional resilience.

About the Author

Ritu Singal is a life coach with extensive experience in conflict resolution and emotional resilience. Through her work, she empowers individuals to build emotional resilience and navigate life’s challenges with confidence and determination.

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