Why are relationships so complicated? Why do we fail in relationships, even after trying so hard? Why are many relationships not working today?
Do you also have such questions dancing in your head? I am hearing these questions more frequently, whenever people visit me for relationship counseling. Today, a considerable number of people are encountering relationship issues, conflicts, getting separated, and having divorced. It looks like modern relationships have become a jest. You need fairytale-like relationships but you are not prepared for unconditional love, compromises, and sacrifices.
One of my friends had a baby and another friend of mine went to visit her and meet the newborn. She asked the new mother, this is your first child, so what did your husband give you? She said, no he did not give me any gift. And the other friend said oh, that means he doesn’t value you. You would not believe this one line impacted the new mom’s mind so negatively. She began to see her husband with that mindset only that he doesn’t value her because he had not given her a gift. Soon the conflicts and arguments began in their relationships and the end result was divorce. Did you see how negative people and negative statements can ruin your relationships?
I believe that love is a beautiful feeling that can not be defined or expressed through words. However, the definition of love and relationships has changed in today’s modern world. Modern relationships are more about showing off, lust, time-pass, jealousy, and insecurities and the result is, disappointing relationships. People want their relationships to work well without making any effort.
I am not saying that relationships should not have any problems or that having problems is something unusual. Every relationship comes with its good and bad. Life throws various twists and turns at you. If there are rose petals, there are cactuses too. Relationships necessitate time, understanding, trust, love, compromises, and efforts to prosper.
As a lot of people visit me to learn how they can build healthy relationships, I thought to write about it so that it can help many more people improve their connection. If you want to create a happy relationship first you need to figure out the problems that are upsetting your bond so that you can work to resolve them and reach a happy ending.
Why do you need to comprehend modern relationship problems?
Handling and navigating relationship disputes is not easy just like crossing rough and bouncy roads. Learning about these issues makes sure that you are better prepared to deal with the rough patches and bumps, life tosses your way, and you can cross the road safely. Having a profound understanding of the causes of struggles help you steer clear of them.
Most Common Relationship Problems in The Modern Age That Needs to be Addressed and Fixed
Over time, in difficult times, the negligible issues may evolve as major relationship glitches that steadily start hitting the connection terribly. Understanding these common snags can significantly help you make things better and also prevent disputes in the future.
Being astonished by life:
Sometimes life itself turns into the most dominant hurdle in relationships. There are various situations when your relationship holds the back seat and you do not even realize it. For example, you are upbeat about upcoming promotions and dedicating all energy to stamp the deal or you have a bedridden parent whom you need to take care of, and that responsibility is your priority, etc.
Being restrained by your own life may make your partner feel that you do not exist in the relationship, you do not want this. So it’s crucial to pay attention to your partner even if you have other priorities, or you can talk to your partner and tell them about the situation so that they can manage their expectations.
A dearth of worthy communication:
A dearth of healthy interaction is a very common issue in relationships that is affecting most couples I come across. It can turn out to be a huge snag as partners are not able to figure out how they can express their displeasure to each other in a healthy way and that contributes to building resentment inside them.
The wet towel on the bed, not putting things in the right place, these things have been driving you mad with anger. Soon these insignificant things become a significant reason for relentless squabbling between the partners. A fight arises every morning and these common fights make you inhibited and detached. Battles, frustration, and misunderstandings take hold and soon you realize your relationship is suffering.
Don’t you think it could be better if you communicated well about these things? For instance, you don’t like when your partner takes something from the cupboard and then after using put it anywhere but not back in the cupboard. You get frustrated with this habit and fight over it every so often. But tell me one thing, why fight and why not talk? Keep your anger aside, sit and tell your partner that it’s not a good habit, you do not like it, and things get misplaced so please whatever you take from the cupboard, keep it back there. That’s it. Make the partner understand why you don’t like that without making them feel bad about it.
Communication is a collaborative exercise that both partners need to do together. When a relationship masters communication, there are fewer chances of other problems such as daily battles and trust issues in relationships. Honest, effective, and healthy communication is an essential ingredient for happy relationships.
Disagreements, disputes, and differences:
Just like healthy and relevant debates are essential for self-expression, similarly, unpleasant debates and disagreements are upsetting and insignificant. That doesn’t mean that there should not be disagreements or arguments between couples but the matter of concern is such disputes should not become a relationship issue.
Disagreements happen because two people are involved in a relationship and they both can have different opinions so it’s normal. During the disagreements, you may not even realize what you are saying because you are trying to prove your point in any which way. You may say hurtful things to your partner without even realizing it.
It’s better to think before you have the urge to say something unpleasant and express yourself calmly instead of boiling and blasting on each other.
Taking your partner for granted:
When you have everything, it’s quite easy to take things for granted. Getting jammed in your own life may influence the time you are spending with your partner and sooner the engaging conversations become a past event. Couples are more likely to take their partners for granted when they begin to feel that their connection will last irrespective of the attempt they put in and that it does not require revitalization.
It may happen when you expect your partner to always be there for you, even after making any effort from your side. When the relationship suffers due to this attitude, people fail to realize the lack of effort they are placing into their relationship. Only one person’s efforts can not make a relationship go long beautifully. Couples can counter it by putting in honest efforts such as spending quality time every day, planning date nights, and staying connected.
Battle of everyday responsibilities:
Clash of almost every house, struggling over chores? Who will do the dishes? You always pile up dishes and never wash them? Who will take the trash out?
If you can’t manage your everyday responsibilities together, you may fail to build a healthy relationship together. These small fights over chores, who is doing that and who is not doing it, steadily grow into a feeling of resentment.
In this case, make sure your communication line is open so that you both can share your annoyance. Try to make mature conversations, discuss the chores, who can do which thing better, and distribute the chores to maintain synchronization in your relationships. Moreover, if you both do not like doing house chores you can hire a house help.
Trust issues in a relationship:
Not trusting each other is among the most common and huge relationship problems. How long can you take a relationship without having trust in each other? Trust issues are not always because of infidelity or cheating. People may have underlying trust concerns. Possibly, your partner fibbed to you in the past so you find it difficult to trust them.
The absence of trust in relationships makes it a triggering ground for many other problems that lead to separation and divorce. Healthy communication can help couples avoid and curb trust issues. It is possible to overcome them by developing adequate honesty and reassurance in the relationship.
For instance, couples should make each other feel secure, it will not let trust concerns spring up. If trust issues arise due to some circumstances, talk to each other, and try to understand what made them feel insecure. Relationships need time to grow mature, put your best to be trustworthy and transparent. Every small, honest effort goes a long way to overcoming trust issues in a relationship and reinstating trust.
Shortage of Thankfulness and appreciation:
Do you remember when you complimented or thanked your partner last time?
Everyone loves to be appreciated, especially by their respective partners. Lack of thankfulness is among the most usual modern relationship problems. Expressing thankfulness regularly even for little things makes your partner feel more valued.
Let’s take an example, you are putting your best efforts into your relationship but your partner is not appreciating or not noticing your efforts. Over time, if the same thing continues to happen, you will feel deserted and taken for granted by your partner. Eventually, at some point, you will stop putting your efforts into your relationship.
To appreciate your partner you do not need to do huge things or say lengthy lines. Simple words such as ‘I appreciate your efforts’ and ‘Thank you for doing this’ can do wonders for your connection with your partner. Acknowledging and appreciating your partner’s efforts can make your bond more delightful.
Intimacy/ incompatible sex drives:
Sex and intimacy are still taboo in our society. Many people do not like talking about their sex life yet it is the most common factor responsible for modern relationship issues. Human bodies experience countless changes due to stress, aging, hormones, and other medical health issues impacting our libidos. For that matter, sexual incompatibility may arise as an issue. Lack of intimacy or unsatisfied sex drives can make couples unhappy and distant.
Couples want to build healthy relationships but they avoid talking about intimacy-associated issues as they feel that they will appear desperate or their partner will get angry etc. To address such matters, you need to talk to your partner prolifically. You can discuss your likes, dislikes, and your desires ensuring that your partner is not getting hurt. Encourage healthy interactions and seek medical help if required.
Betrayal, disloyalty, and unfaithfulness:
If you are betrayed by your partner, it depends on you, whether you can forgive them or not. Typically most affairs happen impulsively. Emotional cheating can also come as infidelity. Any act of unfaithfulness may take so long to get over. It’s not a bad idea to give a chance to someone you love.
Frankly speaking, if you have been cheated on by your partner, first you need to decide whether you should forgive or not. However, if you want to forgive because you want to continue the relationship, the couple needs to be very honest. Talk about what happened and work together to resolve underlying problems and trust issues in a relationship. Make a firm commitment to each other so that it will not happen again.
Money is important to live a desired lifestyle and the simple fact is modern couples argue a lot about finances. Financial pressures contribute to disastrous relationships if not addressed well. It is vital to have a strong understanding with your partner about finances. Be clear about your expenses, and create a budget. It can help couples go a long way in avoiding unnecessary arguments.
Attitude toward parenting:
Having children and raising them is a blessing however it can also be a litmus test for many couples. These little blessings become your priority over anything else that your relationship with each other takes a back seat. Disagreement on parenting styles is a major ingredient for relationship disasters. When this happens, couples usually make parenting mistakes and eventually blame each other.
I suggest couples should discuss the positive and negative aspects of parenthood and their opinions about parenting and how they want to raise their kids etc. before they dive into it. Because having problems between couples is one thing but after having a child, your child also gets involved in it and gets impacted by your issues.
Absence of commitments:
Another modern relationship problem because of which relationships miss the mark is the absence of firm commitments. Modern couples want happy relationships but they are not willing to make long-term promises. Swearing loads of things are convenient but pleasing them necessitates a lot of courage.
Today, many couples prefer to break the relationship rather than mend the issues. However, it is important to be firm in your commitments and fulfill them. So the solution is, to make promises only if you can accomplish them otherwise don’t make them.
Influence of social media:
Some people may not agree, but social media is significantly influencing modern relationships sometimes like a villain. Undeniably technology has carried us closer but it is also the main reason behind failing relationships. Some couples want to show off kinds of relationships just to satisfy their social media life. Some couples are forcing each other to be like couples visible on social media.
For instance, one partner doesn’t like being active on social media and sharing their personal life there while the other spends hours on social media and loves sharing their life updates there. When they go to spend some quality time, one is talking and the other is busy scrolling through social media feeds. There will be conflict at some point because their choices are completely different.
People are spending more time on social media, ignoring their personal life, and lacking communication and quality time between couples. Moreover, personal messages, secret flirting and picture stalking, etc make the relationships extremely weak.
I am not against using social media but it should not impact your relationships. Your partner should not feel that social media is more important than them. Do not let it ruin the personal time that you are supposed to devote to your relationship.
Recommendations By Life Coach Ritu Singal To Fix Modern Relationship Problems and make them work
Just like long-distance relationships, living together also comes with numerous rough patches. And sustaining in challenging situations while you are staying together can be stressful. Consider my advice and see the wonders.
- Plan regular specific meet-ups with each other to discuss all.
- Learn to cooperate and negotiate to accommodate your partner’s preferences.
- Spend time with family and friends other than your partner.
- Engage in loving and caring physical contact like hugging and holding hands.
- Try not to be obsessed with romance and focus on creating a satisfying relationship.
Just after a massive clash or heated argument:
I know it’s not simple to behave normally after a big clash or upsetting fight. Collecting the pieces after a hurtful fight is hard-hitting but holding them within can be catastrophic. Try these tricks to help both partners move forward.
- After you both calm down, recall your words and recognize what went wrong.
- Give one another a chance to express their viewpoint.
- Talk about your genuine feelings coming right from your true heart.
- Listen attentively to each other’s point of view.
When you are not feeling like continuing your relationship:
Regular fights, misunderstandings, miscommunications, lack of time, or lack of passion can make you feel sometimes that your relationship can not be repaired. You may feel like ending your relationship. Look into these points to change your mind.
- Recognize and write down the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Be thankful for the best things your partner has done for you, even small things.
- Spend some time with each other, have fun, and do something unordinary together.
- Maintain intimacy and healthy communication.
When there are trust issues in a relationship:
Trust issues or broken trust create a rift in your relationship. Sometimes it’s way more hurtful to face but leaving it unaddressed is not going to help either of you. So here is what you can do
- Be accountable for your faults and take responsibility.
- Give a chance to your partner to gain your trust back.
- Be completely transparent with one another about what upset you.
- Get help from a professional relationship counselor.
- Outspread attention and compassion towards the person you made upset.
When it is a long-distance relationship:
Staying away from your partner and sustaining a long-distance relationship can be challenging. Keeping the love, affection, connection, and romance alive demands extra effort from both partners. Try these proven tips
- Be able to manage your expectations.
- Make sure you schedule regular visits with each other.
- Get some time to plan online dates and the best use of technology.
- Don’t consume yourself around your partner, focus on important things too.
How Does Relationship Counseling Help Repair Modern Relationship Issues
Considering professional help can remarkably recuperate your connection with your partner. A relationship coach can help you learn and understand your relationship. When you talk to a relationship coach, you do not fear being judged but you feel like saying your heart that you may not say to anyone else.
Counseling encourages you to throw light on the matters and gives you a secure space to discuss your relationship and find a better solution. The professionals make the couples accept certain things and help them drive their relationships on the right track. A relationship expert allows you to look into the positive sides of your relationship, make them successful and smoothly run a long way.
Quick Tips By Life Coach Ritu Singal to Build And Maintain Healthy Relationships
In Modern age relationships, couples are seeing everything with a magnifying glass. That is why even negligible problems look so big to them. You are looking for issues so that you can point out each other. You are only expecting good stuff in life but are not ready for the bad ones. You need to stop it and appreciate what you have, to maintain healthy relationships.
- Instead of arguments and conflicts look for solutions with mutual discussion.
- Appreciate, compliment, be thankful and value each other.
- Encouraging healthy communication is the key to happy relationships.
- Plan regular dates, spend time together, and celebrate important events.
- Avoid judging and respect each other.
- Be honest about your professional careers and present financial situations.
- Do not blame, instead, listen to each other’s perspective without judging.
- Create a budget with a mutual discussion that also includes savings.
- Decide on each other’s daily and monthly responsibilities to avoid disputes.
- Be clear and organized about your chores at home.
- Express your disappointment and displeasure without being expletive.
- Be prepared for hurdles in your way and fight them together.
Every relationship encounters ups and downs at some point in life but couples who want to maintain healthy relationships learn how to deal with bumps and sustain their love life in various situations. They swing in there, recognize problems and causes, work on complex issues and put their best efforts to create beautiful relationships. I am sure now you know the problems and hopefully, you can recognize what is upsetting your relationship with your partner and implement the best solution to mend the issues.