We all do it. When something goes wrong, we instinctively point a finger—at the traffic, the maid, the staff, our spouse, or even the stars!
Why? Because blaming gives instant relief. It saves our ego. It makes us feel like the hero in our own story… even if the plot is a mess.
But here’s the problem: Blame is a feel-good pill with terrible side effects. It steals our power to grow. It delays healing. And worst of all, it keeps us from facing the one person we actually can control—ourselves.
A Story of Accountability: Learning from the Elevator
The other day, I was in a hotel elevator with my friend Diksha. We were chit-chatting and waiting for the doors to close when her daughter Eliana came rushing toward us, flailing her arms like a Bollywood scene:
“Oh wait, wait, wait! You guys would’ve left me stuck on this floor!”
Half amused, half mock-offended, Eliana stormed in. We laughed it off. But moments later, as we headed down for dinner, I asked Diksha if she had the coupons.
She looked at me and said, “Oh gosh! Why didn’t you remind me earlier?”
Wait—what? That’s when it hit me: we all blame so effortlessly, even in small everyday moments. I smiled and said, “Yes yes, it’s totally my fault that I didn’t read your mind.”
This wasn’t about dinner coupons. It was about how casually we offload responsibility to someone else—anyone else.
The Power of Language: The Hotel Isn’t Coming to Us
Later that evening, during a post-dinner stroll, I said, “Hotel hi nahi aa raha yaar…”
And Eliana burst out laughing:
“Maasi! The hotel is not coming to you. We have to walk toward it!”
That silly, spontaneous correction was a mic-drop moment. Language is powerful—it reveals our inner narrative. If we feel like victims inside, our words reflect that.
Why We Blame: The Truth No One Tells You
Here’s something I’ve learned—not from Google, but from my own messy, beautiful, single, entrepreneurial, life-coachy life:
We blame because…
•We fear being wrong.
•We’re scared of judgment.
•We don’t want to look like the one who “messed up”.
•And sometimes, we just don’t know how to take responsibility without shaming ourselves.
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It pauses growth. It builds walls in relationships. And most importantly, it makes us believe that the power to change lies outside us.
So… What Do We Do Instead?
This is not a 5-step formula. Life isn’t Pinterest. But here are a few personal mantras I live by, and maybe you can try them too:
1. Catch Yourself (With Kindness)
Start by noticing your blame thoughts:
“Why can’t THEY just understand me?” → Pause. Breathe. Ask: “What can I do differently?”
Awareness is the first shift. No judgment. Just catch yourself mid-blame and smile.
2. Change Your Language
Words like “because of them,” “no one helps me,” “this always happens to me” create a victim mindset.
Try:
•“I didn’t plan well.”
•“I can ask more clearly next time.”
•“Let me see what’s in my control.”
Language isn’t just communication—it’s ownership.
3. Laugh at Your Patterns
Sometimes when I catch myself blaming, I just say:
“Wah Ritu, kya screenplay likh rahi ho!”
Make it light. Blame loses its grip when you bring humour to it.
4. Take Micro-Responsibility
You don’t have to take blame for the whole world. Just ask yourself:
“What was my 1% role in this mess?”
That 1% is enough to begin the shift.
5. Teach It Through Living It
As a coach, leader, parent, or friend—remember, people don’t learn from your lectures.
They learn from the way you apologize, own up, and course correct.
A Lesson From Eliana
Eliana, wise beyond her years, asked me:
“What difference would it make if I change my language?”
I told her, “Language is a statement of the heart. What we feel inside comes out eventually. So if we’re living responsibly, we’ll speak responsibly.”
And honestly, kids like her are great teachers. They reflect us back to ourselves.
Final Thought: Take the Steering Wheel
Imagine sitting in your car, but someone else always decides where you’re going—your mood, your reactions, your story.
Now imagine taking the wheel. That’s what responsibility feels like.
It’s not always easy, but it’s deeply freeing.
So the next time you’re about to say:
“This always happens to me…”
Try:
“This is happening. What can I do with it?”
Because the truth is, you can’t control the traffic, the weather, or people’s moods…
But you can control how you show up in it all.
And that’s where your power—and peace—begin.
If this spoke to you, drop a comment or share your “Oops, I blamed again” moment. Let’s laugh, learn, and live more—together.
