Having kids is a challenge in itself- but when the kid develops into a teen especially, it can be a hundredfold challenge for their parents. However, parents should not think it is impossible to parent a teen in a beautiful, functional adult who makes everyone around them proud.
As a life coach, I, Ritu Singal, have been a mother too, and have also raised two beautiful daughters into the strong girls they are today.
I can, thus, testify that teens are also humans (I know, their behavior and tantrums resemble aliens, but still) who are just rediscovering their identity as they are developing from children to adult, by crossing the fragile bridge of teenage years.
In this blog, let us see how we can handle our teens better, and give them the teenage they deserve.
But first, let us dive into why teenagers behave the way they do.
Why teenagers behave the way they do
Although your teen kids might seem like aliens from another planet you no longer understand, beneath all the riff raff and harsh behavior, your child still lives on, trying to find their identity as an adult.
You must try and understand that the teenager isn’t enjoying it either, its a psychological response to the constant changes battering their body and lives, which changes their personality as well.
The frontal lobe of the teenager undergoes development during these years, which is the part of the brain that controls the personality of the person.
Let us not forget the effect of the hormones, which are probably making your teen feel even more sullen and angry, as they feel that there are changes in their body they can’t even control.
At any point of time, they are doing the best they can, with what they have.
Teens read the emotions of other differently, often in a wrong way
Teens are often different from adults in the way they read the emotions of others.
According to ACT for Youth, as opposed to adults, teens use the amygdala to read emotions, but adults use the prefrontal cortex.
The amygdala is responsible for our emotional reactions, and it can thus lead to teens having wrong notions about the reactions of their parents. In the above given study, the teens often identified different emotions of adults wrongly as being angry.
Checkout: What should parents do to stop teenagers from going to social media?
How to handle your teen?
I hope that the above explanation gives you a glimpse into how the teenage brain thinks and works.
As they perceive others to be angry most of the time, they often reply by retorting back instead of replying back to even the most common remarks, which shouldn’t normally incite the person.
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As a life coach, I, Ritu Singal, advice all parents to deal with the teenage attitude with understanding and compassion. They may be rude, stuck up and even too difficult to handle, but in the end, they are the same sweet children you once raised.
Therefore, a little understanding and compassion can go a long way.
Here are some of the tips I used to improve my parent- child relations when my daughters were teens-
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Try to understand them as much as you can
Don’t let your annoyance with them come in the way of you trying to understand your teen child.
I understand that it is near impossible not to show emotions while dealing with an emotional teen, but arguing with them with your emotions against them will only escalate the situation.
Let’s not forget you are the adults here, so you have to be the bigger person here and try understanding your teen.
If this doesn’t work,
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Give your teenager some well deserved space
A teenager can have multiple things in their mind at the same time, and can be a mixbag of ideas and thoughts.
They need some space, to sort out their thoughts and ideas and to think about their future. As if teenage years weren’t stressful enough alone, our society has put the pressure of entrance exams on our teens, who now have to make life changing decisions while making sure their future remains bright.
This all contributes to even more stress for them, and the only way you can help them with it is by giving them space should they need it.
However, remember that your teens don’t want to feel lonely, and therefore it becomes important to
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Love and respect the kids in their teens
Many times, parents forget that their teens also have their own lives, and their own dreams.
I have seen so many parents pressure their children to take one exam or the other, for a supposedly better future, however, after the stress of the exam gets to them, they fall prey to mental illnesses like depression and anxiety.
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If they feel neglected, they might move towards bad company, drugs or sex to keep themselves happy, which can stagnate their growth.
As a life coach, I encourage parents to try and keep a bond with their teens that will help them be better for themselves, without any added pressure by the parents.
A dash of love and pint of respect can help your teen feel much better than they might ever feel anywhere else.
How can I, Ritu Singal, a life coach, help you raise your teens well?
Look, I get it. The life of a parent is dificult, but the life of a teen is much more chaotic as they struggle to decide what they want and what they will do in the future, due to the pressure on them by their parents, high school and society.
As a life coach, I can help you understand parenting a teenager the right way.
I was a single parent at the time my kids were teenagers, so I know how difficult it can be to raise a teenager.
But with the right perspective instilled in you along with the best guidance to boot, you can give your teenage child the parenthood they deserve from you.
