Teenage or adolescence can be best understood as the transitional period between childhood to adulthood. A journey that is never going to be an easy one.
In today’s society, teenagers have emerged as a unique breed of mankind that constantly struggles for self-discovery while tackling societal norms and expectations.
Sounds difficult, right?
Well it is! However, if there is one thing that is harder than being a teenager, then it is parenting a teenager!
The biggest challenge that raises its head while tackling a teenager is that they themselves are confused, self-contradictory and hormone driven. When they themselves struggle in making sense of their feelings and thoughts, it is understandable that parents would have that trouble too.
But in my experience as a Life Coach and a mother. I can assure you that one thing that will go a long way in handling your teen is keeping your calm. Be patient, don’t lose your temper and show your child compassion.
While parenting a teenager you must keep in mind the various internal wars they are battling. Their struggle to fit in, their efforts in trying to be accepted by their peers. Their quest to rise above the usual norms. The list is endless.
Moreover, their struggle and reactions are often labelled as some sort of negative teenage attitude problem. Or a form of rebellion, but in reality the aggression comes from the changing levels of hormones. The changes they are experiencing internally often triggers them to react negatively, harshly or challenge the authority of their parents or teachers.
If you feel you are alone in these struggles or that your teenager is the only one behaving this way. Believe me it’s not the case. Almost all children between the ages of 12 -19 years of age go through a phase that exhibits the above mentioned. And that is the phase where it becomes crucial for parents to take active measures to restore balance and strive for a healthy parent- child relation.
“But How?” you may wonder. Don’t worry! I, Life Coach Ritu Singal, have some tried and tested tips that can serve as your guide to effectively handle your child and manage that frightening teenage attitude!
But before we discuss the solutions to your problems. Let us first identify some of the most common areas of life that stir up parent-child conflict.
If You Want You Child To Become Like Steve Jobs, Then You Also Have To Become Like Steve Job’s Parents. – Life Coach Ritu Singal
During the many counselling sessions I have done with children of various ages, the following issues were mentioned the most number of times.
1.) Choice of Friends: Parents often take a dislike towards specific friends their child may have, because they feel the friend will be a bad influence on their child.
2.) Choosing Alone Time or Friends Over Family: Please understand that teenagers go through hormonal changes, feeling detached from their old life is very common. This is the time for you to become their friend. If you want to remain an integral part of your child’s life you will have to establish a renewed parent-child relation.
3.) Clothing/ Makeup: This is one of the biggest reason of conflict. As a parent you must understand that no matter what you think, times really have changed. What you wore as a teen will not work in today’s time and age.
Moreover, if you force your impressionable child to dress in a way that’s not “normal” amongst their peer group. You are putting them at a risk of being an outcast. So it is important for you and your teenager to sit and find a half-way route to dressing that works for both.
4.) Dating/ Sexuality: This is the age when their hormones will dictate their behaviour and wants. As a parent you must have an open conversation with your teenager where you discuss the pros and cons of this.
5.) Career: A conflict over what they want to do in life as opposed to what you want them to do is inevitable. But you must understand that as parents our job is to teach them right from wrong and prepare them for life. Not dictate their life. A person will ONLY thrive in a career they choose for themselves. So keep your mind open.
How To Deal With Your Teenager
Always Make Your Child Feel Special: The one thing that will certainly alienate your adolescent from you is criticism and comparison. Refrain from ever making your teen feel bad about themselves. Always point out their positives and appreciate/encourage them.
Positive Channelization Of Energy: Young ones will always be a powerhouse of energy. And if you do not let them expend it in the right place, such as sports, arts, or other constructive acts, they will surely end up using that energy in anger, frustration or violent outbursts.
Become A Role Model: There is a popular adage, practice what you preach. It is especially true when it comes to your child. Steve Job’s biography reflects that he paid special attention to even hidden circuits of his computers.
Knowing full well that consumers will not even notice it. This was because he learnt to be true to his craft from seeing his father. His father would work hard even on the backside of his furniture, even when it would remain unseen.
Healthy Living Environment: There is no worst prison in the world than an unhappy home. If you want your teenager to grow up to be a balanced adult, then give them that happy and balanced environment to bloom in. A negative living environment will only foster a negative mind and attitude.
checkout: Healthy Mind can do wonders
Open Communication: This is the golden key! You cannot ever effectively parent your teenager or have a healthy relationship with them if you do not understand their thoughts and feelings. So learn to talk to them. More importantly, learn to LISTEN to them.
If you found the above tips helpful but feel that you still need more help in handling your teenager. Then do not hesitate to get in touch with me and my team for a counselling session.