The relationship between a teenage son or daughter and their parents often gets sour. If you are confused about why your child is behaving a certain way, don’t worry, as it is natural in most cases. Teenage children start questioning everything and often raise conflicts with their parents.
It is seen that in adolescence, teenagers are forced to make social decisions about what is socially acceptable and what is not, especially in the case of gender issues that may arise.
When these decisions are framed by parents on the part of the teenager, the result can be a conflict between parents and their children.
A few days ago, I met a family for the counselling of their child. They had a daughter who was in tenth class. I was greeted well by everyone, but the girl was hesitant to talk much. Now the parents loved their daughter a lot, but they somehow felt that they were getting disconnected with their child.
So, I decided to talk to the girl. I asked her a few things but she did not talk much, so I took a one-on-one session with her. As soon as she started talking, tears started rolling down her cheeks. She opened about her problems and how she feels anxious. She described how her parents would often say hurtful things like you are useless or a burden.
Now the parents loved their child so much, but were not mindful of their words. I think it is one of the most common teenage problems. Parents often say things out of anger or frustration, thinking teenagers will forget. However, many times parents say things that stay with their child. Such hurtful words can leave an impact and shake the confidence of a child.
As a coach, I always try to highlight the positive qualities of a child. If I feel something is not right, I would thoughtfully explain it to my daughters. It makes the child feel valued and do better next time.
What causes the problem?
One of the most common causes of teenage problems is that teenagers begin to feel uncomfortable with their bodies. A natural development process of the body changes during puberty, which is accompanied by various changes in the brain. Some of these body changes are related to sex hormones released throughout the body, while others reflect changes related to emotions, like depression or other emotional issues. These feelings often build up and cause physical problems for the teenager who, in turn, will likely try to deal with these problems without parents.
One way to help solve the problem of teenagers with parents is to address these issues when the child is likely to be receptive to accepting advice. Parents who have experienced some of the body changes and emotions associated with adolescence should be able to provide helpful insight to their teenage kids. Family conflicts and teenagers often complement each other.
What are the common teenage problems with parents?
- Arguing
Arguing problems of teenagers with parents is common in today’s society where parents are too busy to nag and scream at their teenagers. The best solution to such a problem is to discuss it frankly with the children. I have seen that most parents don’t want to talk to their children directly. Parents can be tactless and stubborn sometimes, and therefore, when they do not listen to children and try to justify their attitude, children simply avoid arguing with them.
Teenagers tend to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable in discussing their problems with their parents. It is because of various reasons. You cannot blame them for not wanting to hurt your feelings, or you could not blame them if they do not know how to talk to you reasonably. Hence, it would be better if you learn how to discuss the problem tactfully with your parents.
When parents find out that you have a problem with them, they should take the necessary steps to solve it. However, you should not start demanding their time or money before you solve the problem.
- Lack of communication
Lack of communication problems of teenagers with parents can be sorted out by setting up a simple communication system at home. For example, one can easily teach his teenager a simple “sit” command while showing him how to repeat it back to him. It will help him learn to behave appropriately while talking to his parents.
Many times I have seen teenage children walk or talk in a certain attitude. They just don’t know the difference between right and wrong, and it often leads to embarrassment in parents. So to avoid this embarrassing situation, they need to learn the difference between right and wrong.
Lack of communication between teenagers and parents therefore can be effectively solved by setting up a regular time and day when you and your teenage child can sit together and talk. If this regular time and day are set up before going to bed, then even if he makes a mistake, he would at least realize his mistake and try to rectify it the soonest possible time. In case he continues to do this, then you can discuss the problem with him. You can also inform your teenage daughter about this, and she can decide on her own whether she likes it or not.
- Demanding perfection
The number of parents demanding perfection from their teenage children has increased enormously in recent years, with many teenagers admitting to have been very hard on themselves during their formative years. Unfortunately, this hard work at making the life of their children better is sometimes carried into adulthood, and this, in turn, can have a detrimental effect on society as a whole.
Many of the problems in our society today are carried through families and legacies. In many ways, we have an attitude about how young people should behave now that we are adults, and these standards sometimes become the norm.
In a way, this relates to how parents react when their teenage child is involved in even the most minimal negative activities. It almost becomes a form of guilt trip that is used to try and make the teenager feel responsible for their actions. When parents are told that they cannot control the teenagers, they become convinced that it is better not to discipline them to avoid the embarrassment and possible rejection they would experience if they were to be confronted.
For many parents, this means that they are constantly trying to convince their teenagers to act more responsibly. A teenager’s life goes by very quickly, and he or she soon realizes that they need to get on with the rest of their lives, and the responsibility of making a life for themselves comes with it. However, when parents leave their children during their teens to enjoy, such children become messed up adults. They are unable to bear any responsibility and hard work.
- Frequent lying to parents
Frequent lying to parents is a problem that has been in existence for quite some time. The reason behind this is that it serves as an outlet for children to feel that they are strong and in control while at the same time doing some dangerous things that can be harmful to society. Teenagers usually lie about their whereabouts on weekends, their absences, their friends, school friends, etc. Teenagers lying to their parents is considered normal in comparison to teenagers who are not prone to lying; however, to know the difference between the two you need to look into the root cause of such behavior.
Teenagers lying to their parents is normally caused due to various reasons. Teenagers love to make their parents happy and are always willing to do things for the sake of their parents’ happiness. Due to this, your teenager starts lying about his/her whereabouts on weekends, when you are not at home, etc. It is not only parents who have to face problems with lies, children too face such situations, but it is more common in teenagers.
Parents have to constantly monitor all activities of their teenage children. Teenagers lying about their location on weekends and absences is a serious issue, and parents have to be very vigilant about this.
The only way to solve this gap is to build a relationship of trust. When you become friends with your children, they get candid with you. If your children have your trust, they will not hesitate once in telling you their problems. However, if your children are scared of you, lying becomes a routine activity for them.
- Spending too much time on the internet
Teenagers spending too much time on the internet is something that concerns many parents these days. It is hard to keep your kids under control, and many times it looks like they are spending all of their time online at games, social networking sites, chat rooms, and just chatting with their friends. It is something that can be very dangerous and should be dealt with quickly. However, many parents feel that they are doing a lot of things to try to make their teenagers responsible for their own lives and wonder why this is happening. They may not realize that they are part of the problem and need to step up their game to make sure that they don’t continue to allow their children to become so easily distracted.
Many parents have noticed that even when they spend some time away from the computer and come back to see what happened, their teenagers are still extremely involved in the games they were playing or chatting with their friends. It is something that has to be stopped dead in its tracks right away. Parents need to sit down and play with their kids. They need to learn how to take a break from time to time and find a way to stop their kids from wasting all of their free time on a computer that will not serve them. Sometimes, all it takes is a change of environment for teens to start paying attention.
Teenagers spending too much time on the internet is a serious issue that can be fixed if parents take the time to realize what they are doing wrong. Unfortunately, many parents just don’t realize that they have allowed their child to become too easily distracted, and they haven’t been doing anything to help fix the problem.
If you spend too much time on the Internet, it is time to sit down and make a plan to get your kids back into the habit of being responsible for their own online time. The more focused they are on finding some type of activity to do, the more likely they are going to listen to reason and stop wasting time online. When this happens, the problems that exist with teens using the computer will eventually disappear.
- Unable to understand emotional problems that teenagers are facing
It is a fact that most parents of teenagers are unable to recognize the emotional problems their children are facing. They think their children are not capable of understanding such problems and so they should not disturb them. The truth, however, is that most teens have these problems, and most of them do not even know how to solve them. It means that parents themselves also have a lot to learn in this regard.
One very important thing that all parents should know is that teens are facing these emotional problems because they are being exposed to many harmful activities daily. All this does is trigger negative behaviors on their part. It is what causes most of the teen’s problems. In order to identify the root cause of these emotional problems that teens are facing, one needs to be very sensitive to the things happening to their teens. It is probably the only way for parents to help their teens get over these emotional traumas.
The best way for parents to help their teens is to understand and accept whatever is going on. Parents should never get too frustrated and annoyed with their teens. They should understand that while their teens may be having some behavioral problems, there is always a good chance that their teens have some mental problems as well. When they accept this, both parents and teens are then able to address the issues one by one and find a way to resolve them.
- Peer pressure that teen gets influenced by
Peer Pressure is an issue that many teenagers face, especially in their teenage years. Peer Pressure is when a child feels forced to do something he doesn’t want to do or feels uncomfortable about. Some of the things your teen might be pressured to do include; smoking pot, drinking alcohol and doing drugs. Most teens will face peer pressure at some point, but it can be a big problem if you don’t look for help to get out of the situation.
Sometimes teens get caught up in these types of problems because they do not know any better. If you have a teen who is suffering from peer pressure, you must get help for them as soon as possible. Many teenagers do not discuss such issues with their parents. It is also because they don’t want to be called old-fashioned. If you start talking to them about these kinds of things they will only think about how embarrassing it is for you to get involved in those kinds of things.
It is always best to keep an eye on your teenager and make sure they are not being influenced by peer pressure. If you find that your teen is being pressured then you need to talk to them about these things so that you can find out what is going on. It might be that there is something wrong with them, and they need to find someone else to be in school with. You need to be able to talk to the people who are influencing your child because you do not want them to put your child in a situation where they can be hurt.
- Setting timing rules for teenagers
Parents setting time strictness for teenagers is usually caused by teenagers being out too much on the weekends or having friends that are not good role models. It may also be because parents want to spend more time with their kids and don’t want them hanging out with random people that aren’t good influences. In any case, parents must set some time rules on teens so they can get back to being a child in peace. Of course, we all know that children are always going to be a little cranky, and some kids simply don’t listen to any rules that are set. But parents need to do so anyway so that their teenagers can get back to doing what they were doing before getting suspended or sent home.
Parents who decide to put time restrictionson their teens generally just do so one night and then never change it. Some parents even continue to do this until their children turn thirteen or sixteen. It is a lot of pressure to put on a child, and parents who don’t back it up with actual discipline may find themselves out of a job in a short period. Parents that stick to their word and follow through with rules are usually the ones that get along better with their children.
But, there are some advantages to having your children set a time limit of some kind. For one thing, teenagers tend to become a little more reckless at this age because of their lack of proper direction and structure. Having a set time that they have to go to every day helps prevent them from doing things that they might regret later down the road, which is always a good thing. And most of all, having a set time during the day when you want your children to come home and do homework is a good way to make sure that they do homework on time, so they learn something, too.
Overall Outlook
Life gets arduous during teenage years, not only for the child but also for the parents. Being a good parent to a teenager is a task in itself. However, the teenage years are crucial for the growth of your child. These years can make or break the future of the child. As parents, you need to be more open, communicative, attentive, and friendly to your teenage child. It will build a strong relationship and prevent daily family conflicts with teenagers.
