I am your conflict resolution coach, Ritu Singal. Let me ask you a question that I ask almost every client who walks into my office: Do you think you have conflicts in your life?

If your answer is “yes,” don’t worry—you are in good company. I believe everybody has conflicts. Conflict is inherently connected to relationships; they go hand-in-hand. Whether it is through my work in family counselling or helping a partner in couple counselling, I have seen that conflict isn’t necessarily the problem—it’s our perspective on it that creates the struggle.

The Dog in the Park: Why We React Differently

Imagine a scene: a boy named Amit and a girl named Riddhi are walking in a park. Suddenly, they see a dog. Amit immediately turns pale, runs away, and hides behind a tree. Riddhi, on the other hand, smiles, rushes toward the dog, and begins petting it.

Same dog. Same park. Two completely different reactions. Why?

As an online life coach, I often help people peel back the layers of their reactions. In this case, Amit’s past experience shaped his fear; he once saw a dog bite a friend. To him, every dog represents a threat. Riddhi grew up with a loving pet; to her, a dog represents affection.

We all carry these “impressions” or Sanskaras in our brains. If you grew up in a house where theft was a constant fear, you might become hyper-vigilant as an adult. Your brain creates a filter that colors everything you see. In couple counselling, I see this often. One partner might be “insecure” or “controlling,” but when we dig deeper, we find they saw their parents fighting constantly in childhood. Their behavior today is just a shield they built years ago.

Checkout: Major Conflict Resolution Strategies For Professionals

The Truth of the “Fifth Mango”

Sometimes, conflict isn’t about trauma; it’s simply about different sets of data.

Think of the story of the teacher and the child. The teacher asks, “If you have two mangoes and I give you two more, how many do you have?” The child says, “Five.” The teacher is frustrated. She tries with strawberries. “Two plus two?” The child says, “Four.” But when they go back to mangoes, the child insists on “Five.”

MUST WATCH

Both the teacher and the child are speaking the truth from their own perspectives. This is exactly what happens in a marriage or a business. You are looking at one side of a coin; I am looking at the other. You see a line; I see a value. We are both “right,” but because we don’t see the other person’s “mango in the bag,” we clash.

Is Conflict Always Bad?

You might be surprised to hear a life coach say this, but conflict is important. If there were no conflict, would science have advanced? Would companies like Apple exist? If everyone just said “yes” to everything, there would be no improvement, no research, and no growth. In the corporate world, we call this Constructive Conflict.

I remember talking to my husband about this when he worked in Iraq. He told me that civil engineers and accountants are almost always in conflict. As a peace-loving housewife back then, I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just get along. But he explained that it was necessary. If the accountant doesn’t dispute a bill or question a cost, the company fails.

The same applies to your home. Difference of opinion is healthy. It is how we reach the “Kaizen”—the Japanese philosophy of continuous improvement. The problem arises when Opinion + Ego = Destructive Conflict.

Constructive vs. Destructive: The Heart Matters

How do you know if your conflict is helping or hurting? It comes down to Intention.

Constructive Conflict: Your goal is the same. You both want the business to grow, the child to be healthy, or the marriage to thrive. You might disagree on the how, but your hearts are aligned.

Destructive Conflict: The goal becomes “winning.” Your ego gets hurt because your opinion wasn’t accepted, and you lose sight of the bigger picture.

In my sessions as an online life coach, I emphasize that “harm” is a tricky word. Sometimes, doing the right thing hurts someone’s feelings. If I tell a child to stop watching TV and study, their “heart” might feel hurt in that moment, but my intention is their growth.

The Moral Dilemma: Heart vs. Mind

Conflict often lives in the space between our moral compass and the legal reality. I often share a story about a hungry child who steals bread. If the police ask me if I saw him, and I say “no” to save him from a lifetime in jail, am I right or wrong?

Legally, I am wrong. Morally, my intention was to save a life from being branded as a “criminal” over a moment of hunger. Life is full of these gray areas. When you are stuck between your heart and your mind, you must look at the Goal. As Henry Ford once said, there are no big problems, only a lot of little problems that we didn’t solve in time. When we let small differences of opinion fester because of our past impressions, they turn into the “big problems” that lead people to seek family counselling.

Checkout: Breaking the Silence: Why Your Mental Health is the Priority for 2026

Moving Forward

My dear friends, don’t be afraid of conflict. Be afraid of closed-mindedness. Whether you are dealing with a boss, a spouse, or your own internal struggles, ask yourself:

What “past impression” is making me react this way?

Does the other person have a “mango in their bag” that I can’t see?

Is my intention to grow, or is it to be right?

If you can align your heart with a good motive, every conflict becomes a stepping stone toward a better version of yourself.