Is Self-love Selfish? All You Need to Know About Self Love

These days, Self Love is the talk of every town. It seems interesting, but a lot of people are not aware of what exactly self-love is about. And most people think that Self Love is Selfish.

Being a Life Coach I met many people who visit me for counseling, and I am so surprised to see that Self Love is alien to them. A lot of people believe that to live a happy life, they need to get love and acceptance from others. However, it is not the right assumption.

Self Love is accepting yourself just the way you are, treating yourself with respect and compassion, and nurturing your well beings. And the best thing is, Self Love is a skill you can learn and develop just like self-trust and self-confidence.

Self Love is not just about loving and accepting yourself, it’s beyond that. In this blog, I am going to take you on a Self Love ride. I will talk about the difference between Self Love and Selfish and everything you need to know about this concept.

What is Self Love?

Self Love is having elevated affection for your own happiness and well-being. It’s all about prioritizing yourself just like you prioritize your family and loved ones. It means taking good care of yourself and not sacrificing your own well-being to make others happy.

Self Love involves how you treat yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. The moment you begin to conceptualize Self Love, just imagine how you would feel about yourself, how would you talk to yourself and what would you do for yourself.

It could be different for every individual because every person has particular means of taking care of themselves. Reckoning what self-love is for you is essential for your mental wellness and Successful Life.

When you start loving yourself, you develop a positive outlook toward yourself as well as others. I will not say that you will never have negative feelings.

Let’s talk a bit more realistically, you may have a negative feeling about yourself for a few minutes or hours because you can’t control many things. However, that doesn’t mean that you blame yourself or be rude to yourself or stop loving yourself.

Let’s take an example. I love my daughters even if I sometimes feel annoyed or disappointed with them. Even amid my disappointment, my love for them enlightens the way I connect to them.

It makes me forgive my kids, consider their feelings, get to know their needs, and make decisions that support their well-being. Self-love is exactly similar, which means if you can love others so well why not yourself?

Self-Love For Beginners:

Beginners can start practicing self-love by accepting themselves with all their flaws and talents. Simply try to accept your emotions and consider your own emotional, mental and physical well-being first. It’s just another way of Personal Development where you work towards your growth.

Talk to yourself about yourself, your likes, dislikes, pleasures, etc.
Prioritize yourself like your health and happiness.
Trust yourself, no matter what. Believe in yourself, you can do anything.
Get rid of self-judgment, and accept yourself just the way you are.
Be true and nice to yourself, and show empathy to yourself.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes and for not being nice to yourself.
Consume a healthy diet and also enjoy your favorite foods.
Listen to your body, do not overburden or force it.
Get regular work breaks to refresh and rejuvenate yourself.
Switch off your mobile phone and connect to your inner self or your dear ones.

Why Do You Need to Love Yourself?

When it comes to Self Love, many people ask me, why we need to love ourselves. Is it required? So, tell me one thing, why do you need to love your parents, partners, kids, and your friends? I know I am about to get so many different answers.

Let’s understand it.

This question is coming to your mind because you matured up without any kind of self-love models or no one talked to you about the significance of being good to yourself. That is why you are questioning the value of Self Love.

Think like this, self-love motivates your positive behaviors reducing the destructive negative behaviors. When you try to develop a mindset where you are accepting yourself with all your flaws, it’s very obvious you are more likely to accept other people with their flaws as well.

When you start prioritizing your happiness, it allows you to say no to the things that you know are not good for you. It helps you build self-compassion.

Loving yourself protects you from negative thoughts, self-disruption, and forcing yourself too far. It makes you realize that saying no is equally important as saying yes. It encourages self-care which means lower stress and a Successful Life. Self Love allows you to practice self-care, follow your interests and be proud of yourself.

You know what, when you do not consider yourself you are more likely to be extremely self-critical. You easily fall into perfectionism and people-pleasing. You become habitual to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others because you don’t love yourself.

You steadily start to neglect your feelings and necessities because you do not know your worth. And trust me, it can not let you stay happy as you may make wrong decisions that don’t interest you anyway.

What Does Self-Love Look Like?

So now you know why you need to love yourself. Next comes, what it looks like. As I said earlier it’s somewhat like Personal Development. These are very simple things you can do in your daily life and onboard your self-love journey.

Self Love appears like

Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and mess-ups.
Saying positive and kind words to yourself.
Figuring out and fulfilling your own needs and desires.
Being self-confident and self-assured.
Not allowing people to take advantage of you.
Prioritizing your own health, happiness, and well-being.
Spending time with positive people who support you and encourage you.
Avoiding negative people who judge you and spread negativity.
Pursuing your interests and hobbies.
Respecting and cherishing your feelings without judging yourself.
Recognizing your flaws as well as strengths.
Letting go of anger and resentments that grip you back.
Making health-friendly choices and offering healthy treats to yourself.
Accepting your flaws and imperfections and working towards improvement.
Considering your values and establishing genuine expectations.
Tracking your efforts and progress and appreciating yourself for them.

Difference Between Self Love And Selfish

Now coming to the most important question about loving yourself. So many people out there label self-love as selfish. But it’s not true. Self-love can not be selfish, it is just like you love others, you can love yourself too.

Self Reflection or self-likeness is having an appreciation, empathy, and affection for yourself. When you have a great sense of self-love you comprehend your own morals and lovingly treat yourself.

Unlike selfishness, which is excessive self-interest, egotism, and extreme self-absorption, Self Love is a positive attribute. Loving yourself means you know your brightness and dimness and you are ok with both.

It can be an inspiration for others because it is like a ray of hope in a lonely path and an encouraging outlook in every failure.

Self Love Can Never Be Selfish

Just because you love yourself and care for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. Think of the other side, if you can love yourself well, you can love others even much more.

No one should feel guilty for loving themselves, it’s the love no you can never receive from others. Just think like that, how can you express true love to others, if you have never gotten the love that you require within yourself?

Reasons Why Self-Love is Not Selfish:

It develops a constructive mindset towards yourself as well as the people around you.
It allows Self-Reflection and allows you to set healthy boundaries with people.
It helps you get in touch with your inner self, your emotions, and your feelings.
It allows you to face your fears, fight them and follow your passions and dreams that can inspire others.
It encourages you to be yourself with grace and confidence.
It builds self-respect and respect for others as well.
It allows you to prioritize your happiness so you have enough time to love and care for others.

Loving Yourself is The Key Ingredient For A Happy and Successful Life

Self-love is simply being happy, with yourself, for yourself, and for the happiness of the people you love. Liking yourself and not expect others to like you, setting standards for yourself, being a source of motivation to others, and prompting contentment for others.

Self-love is not selfish, it is deepened with immense caring for self as well as others. It is another way of saying, Let me love myself first so that I can love you even more. I think people consider Self Love as selfish because of social conditioning.

The Way You Be in Love With Yourself, You Are Teaching Others To Love You.

Right from the beginning, we come across several love stories including sacrifice and compassion, and this way we begin to feel that we should love our family, parents, friends, and partners and somewhere start feeling selfish about self-love.

The quality of your relationships depends on how you think about yourself. If you are not good to yourself, you do not treat yourself well, and you are loaded with self-doubt and disapproval, believe me, sooner or later it will begin reflecting in your interactions with others.

Let’s take the example of Lord Buddha. He was born with great wealth and comfort but he relinquished everything in the pursuit of knowledge, self-realization, and self-reflection.

However, that doesn’t mean he did not work on him. Of course, he did. How would it have been possible for him to love other people and his followers if he did not love himself? First, he worked on himself, loved himself then taught others.

Self-love and self-regard are essential and people who fail to comprehend these concepts mostly struggle with various aspects of life such as relationships, careers, and finances.

A typical example of self-care is when you board the flight. The air hostess tells passengers that there is an oxygen mask right above their heads. In case of emergency first put on your mask and then help others, even if you are with your kid.

So the people who say self-love is selfish may also sound selfish to them. However, if you analyze it logically, it makes sense.

Suppose you are traveling with your 8 years old child and there is some trouble on the flight. The oxygen mask appears above your head and you start panicking about your kid, which is very obvious. You decide to first put the mask on your child but you get faint before you could do something.

The result is you and your child both could not wear the mask and your lives are in danger. Whereas if you had chosen to wear the oxygen mask first, you both would have been safe.

I am not advising you not to think about others, helping others and doing good to others is great but make sure it is not affecting your own well-being. Don’t sacrifice yourself for the sake of others. To help others, first learn to help yourself.

Self-Love is Personal Development.

Right from childhood, we are taught that we should care for others, show empathy to others, and love our parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends. However, very few children are taught to love themselves as well. We are not taught how to love ourselves, and that is why when we try to focus on ourselves, we may feel guilty or seem selfish.

But it’s not, it’s like developing a new self. When you practice self-love you work for yourself, improve yourself, and develop yourself just the way you desired.

Self-love is a skill that everybody needs, it’s great for you, your health, and also for people around you. As you practice self-love and self-care you will notice that often you feel restored, and improved, you have better opportunities and amended relationships with others.

Here are a few hand-picked guides for you to read:

How to Practice Self-Love

There are numerous ways to practice self-love. A particular person may have his own definition of self-love. And you know what, once you start loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are, you tend to explore new ways to lift your happiness and well-being.

However, as a Life Coach, I am sharing my personal favorite ways to love yourself and make yourself feel better.

Be mindful of what you think, how you feel, and what you desire.
Take care of your needs, and nourish yourself with good nutrition, proper sleep, and healthy interactions.
Practice self-love meditation to shift your thoughts so that you can focus on new kinds of stuff such as the ways you are good and valuable and a lot more.
Be warm towards yourself and others. Being affectionate and loving towards yourself and others, allows you to develop a love-filled environment around you.
Focus on the positive traits and goodness in you and your life. Be grateful for the goodness in your life and try writing it every day.
Don’t hesitate to say no when it is required. Setting boundaries and saying no is very important sometimes.
Please yourself regularly, give treats to yourself for small achievements or maybe without any reason. But make sure it should not lead to self-disruption.
Nobody is born perfect in this world. So accept your flaws and imperfections without being hard on yourself. Learn from your mistakes and improve them rather than blaming and punishing yourself.
If someone doesn’t like you, accept it. Some people will like you, some may not. That’s ok, try to let it go and move on with people who actually love you.
Self Reflection, spend time with just yourself, being alone, and observing yourself and your life.
Try to nurture a copious mindset. It works like a blessing as it allows you to focus on the encouraging and positive aspects of life.

Concluding Words

Is Self Love Selfish? No, My Dear Self Love is Essential.

Your whole basis starts with you. Talking about your relationship, which can not endure without you. how you treat your relationships and how you take your life is a direct imitation of how you treat yourself, that simply means self-love is necessary. It is an essential skill that everybody should learn and practice.

Just make sure to consider yourself, pamper yourself, nurture your relationship with yourself just like you do with others, and enjoy your life. As I always say, start with baby steps and then keep going.