Parenting — what a beautiful, yet challenging journey it is!

When I look back today, I can say with all my heart that parenting is no kidding. It demands patience, empathy, self-reflection, and above all — the willingness to grow along with your child. But I didn’t always know this.

Years ago, my elder daughter’s behaviour and academic graph had taken such a remarkable U-turn that it left everyone stunned — including her school principal. I still remember his surprised voice over the phone, saying, “What magic did you do, Mrs. Singal? She’s transformed completely!”

Initially, I laughed it off, saying it was all her hard work. But when the principal called again — and again — out of genuine curiosity, I realized something deeper had happened. She told me that every time she spoke to me, she felt enriched. One day, she went a step further — she invited me to speak to a group of parents about what had worked for us.

At first, I hesitated. I wasn’t a “speaker” then; I was just a mother trying to raise her child the best she could. But something within me said — Ritu, maybe this is your chance to help others who are struggling just like you once did.

So I said yes.

Facing 50 Parents — My First Parenting Talk

The following week, I walked into the school lobby, a mix of excitement and nervousness bubbling inside me. I expected a small group of maybe ten parents. But as I entered the conference hall, I froze.

There were around 50 parents waiting!

Even the principal looked surprised. “I have no idea how the word spread,” she whispered.

For a moment, my confidence shook. I had never addressed such a big audience before. But then I reminded myself — this is not about me, it’s about them, their children, and the future we can help shape together.

I smiled, took a deep breath, and began, “Hi everyone, I am a parent — just like you. Today, I’m not here as an expert, but as a learner who found a few things that worked with my daughter. Maybe they’ll work for you too.”

And just like that, my journey as a life coach — though I didn’t know it then — had begun.

The Biggest Parenting Problem: ‘They Don’t Listen!’

I started my session by asking the audience, “Tell me, what’s your biggest challenge with your kids?”

The responses came flooding in.

“My son just won’t listen to me!”
“My daughter spends all her time on Snapchat!”
“Even if I take away the devices, she doesn’t study!”

Everyone had a complaint, but I noticed a pattern — the core issue was communication.

So, I said, “Let’s do a little role-play. Any volunteer who’d like to become a 12-year-old again?”

A lady named Raveena raised her hand, smiling shyly.

“Perfect,” I said. “Let’s go back to your childhood. You’re 12, you’re frustrated, you feel nobody understands you. Let’s recreate a typical scene between you and your mom.”

She nodded, and we began.

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Scene 1: The Typical Parent Response

Raveena (as the daughter): “Mom, this bus driver is so mean! She keeps shouting at us and doesn’t let us talk. Please change my bus!”

Me (as the mother): “Raveena, that’s not how you solve problems. You can’t keep running away from things. Learn to adjust. You always complain. You have to change your attitude!”

The audience burst into giggles — because they’d all said these words themselves!

Then I turned serious. “You see what happened here? The mother meant well, but the child walked away unheard. We parents jump in to fix things or to preach. But every time we do that, we lose connection.”

I continued, “Let’s repeat the same scene, but this time, let’s listen.”

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Scene 2: The Empathetic Parent

Raveena (as the daughter again): “Mom, this bus driver is so mean! She doesn’t let us talk. Please change my bus!”

Me (as the mother, calmly): “Oh dear, you look upset. It must be frustrating to feel silenced all the time.”

Raveena: “Yes! Other drivers don’t behave like this.”

Me: “So, you think changing the bus would help? But remember, that other bus leaves earlier. Maybe there’s another way?”

Raveena (thinking): “Hmm… Maybe I’ll sit at the back with my friends so we don’t disturb him.”

The audience clapped loudly.

I smiled and said, “That, my friends, is the power of empathy. We didn’t solve her problem — we just acknowledged her feelings. When children feel heard, they open up. When they feel invalidated, they shut down.”

Where Parents Go Wrong

After the laughter and clapping subsided, I asked, “Now tell me — where do we usually go wrong?”

We discussed two key mistakes most parents make:

1. The Urge to Fix Everything – When we rush to solve our children’s problems, we rob them of the chance to think, experiment, and learn resilience. Our job isn’t to fix everything — it’s to empower them to fix things themselves.

2. The Habit of Fault-Finding – Many parents focus excessively on what’s wrong. Over time, children internalize that they’re “not good enough.” What they need instead is genuine appreciation — not flattery, but honest acknowledgment of their strengths.

The Turning Point with My Daughter

For years, I was that parent — quick to correct, criticize, or advise. I thought it was love, but it was actually control disguised as care.

One day, after a parent-teacher meeting, I saw my daughter standing on the balcony, looking nervous. She probably expected me to scold her for her grades — as usual.

But that day, something in me shifted.

Instead of pointing out what went wrong, I said gently, “The teacher told me you’re very intelligent and hardworking. She said you’re one of her best students and could be at the top if you’re a little more careful.”

She looked at me, surprised. “Really, Mom? She said that about me?”

“Yes,” I replied. “She believes in your potential.”

That was the moment everything changed.

Her shoulders straightened, her eyes lit up, and within weeks, I noticed a difference in her attitude, her effort, and her confidence. She started believing she could be better — because someone finally told her she already was good.

That simple act of appreciation was the seed of transformation.

The Magic of Genuine Praise

I realized something profound — children blossom when they feel seen and valued.

I started consciously noticing the good — her efforts, her little acts of kindness, her small improvements. And as I began to appreciate her, she began to appreciate herself.

This was genuine praise — not sugar-coated compliments, but truthful acknowledgment.

When I shared this story with the parents in the hall, I could see their eyes glisten with realization. Many nodded, some smiled quietly, and a few even wiped away tears. Parenting isn’t just about guiding children — it’s about healing ourselves, too.

A Parent’s Success Story

A month later, I received a call from one of the mothers who had attended that session — her name was Samreen. She said, “Ritu ma’am, you won’t believe what happened!”

Her son used to watch TV endlessly before exams, and she would often lose her temper. But this time, she remembered my advice — to respond, not react.

So instead of yelling, she said calmly, “I know you’ve worked really hard, but what you’re doing right now might undo that effort.”

He switched off the TV within five minutes.

Another time, when she avoided studying, she said, “It must be tough to open your books when you don’t enjoy the subject.”

For the first time, he opened up, “Yes, Mom. I just don’t like it. It’s boring.”

Samreen smiled and shared an idea: “You know what I do when I have to work on something I don’t enjoy? I start with the easiest part. Once I get going, it doesn’t feel that bad.”

Her son tried it — and it worked. He came back later and said, “Mom, your trick was cool. It actually helped!”

A Deeper Realization

Samreen’s closing words still echo in my heart. She said, “Ritu ma’am, if our children can’t develop self-control over small things like watching TV, how will they say no to bigger temptations — like smoking, drinking, or peer pressure — later in life?”

That’s when it hit me — parenting isn’t about controlling behaviour. It’s about building character.

Every time we let our children make choices, face consequences, and learn from them — we’re raising strong, independent adults. Every time we replace judgment with empathy, we strengthen trust.

Parenting Is About Growing Together

Parenting, I’ve learned, is not a one-way street. It’s a partnership — between a growing child and a growing parent.

We often think our children need to change, but more often, it’s we who need to change — our approach, our words, our mindset.

Empathy, appreciation, and patience are not weaknesses; they’re our most powerful tools.

So, the next time your child throws a tantrum, remember — it’s not about winning the argument. It’s about winning their heart.

Final Thoughts

When I first walked into that hall of 50 parents, I had no idea that a simple role-play and a few heartfelt stories could spark such transformation — not just in their children, but in them.

Parenting isn’t perfect. It’s messy, unpredictable, and humbling. But when done with love, listening, and laughter — it becomes the most rewarding journey of all.

Today, as a Life Coach, I often tell parents — you don’t need to be a perfect parent, just a present one.

Because children don’t need perfection. They need connection.

And once you start listening with your heart instead of your head, you’ll realize — parenting may not be easy, but it’s the most beautiful way to grow — together.