No family in the world is perfect. You might visit a friend or colleague and love their hospitality. Once you’re home, you think to yourself, “I wish I had a family like theirs.”
It is human nature to believe everything is better on the other side. We often see other families and think about how the other person has such a perfect family. There is always a half-truth in our thoughts.
What may seem perfect to us might not be perfect to others. Every family has its own problems. Family issues are very common in today’s time when everyone wants independence and freedom of speech.
Family problems can manifest even in the happiest families. It can result in a challenging and frustrating home environment. The interactions between family members can turn tense.
While I was young, people used to look at our family and think we were a very happy and complete family. Guests who would come to our place would often say, “You are such a sweet and perfect family.”
Little did they know the struggle we had to go through each day. My mother started staying unwell when I was quite young. She would behave weirdly at times. All of a sudden, she would get aggressive, abusive, or sad. We thought it was her nature. I was in class sixth when I started teaching tuitions to run our house.
When I had to give my tenth board, she would not let me study and call me, again and again. I had to gather a lot of determination to be able to complete my study. However, around that time, her condition started deteriorating, and she would often talk about committing suicide. It was 1982, and we could not really understand her condition.
When finally we took her to a hospital, it was detected that she was suffering from severe depression. The doctors said it was too late for them to start the treatment, but they decided to give her electric shocks. No matter how late we were, we saved her life. Her medications were managed by me and soon she recovered. Our awareness and dedication could save her life.
I was just ten when I had to take the charge of the complete family. I was earning, studying, doing household chores, and managing everything single-handedly. To other people, our family seemed normal, but it is only us who know how we zoned out of that critical time.
What I am trying to say is, no matter how much we believe that it is only our family that has problems, every family has it’s own struggles. No family is perfect, and you don’t need to create havoc of family problems.
Family Issues and its Consequences
Family issues can be manifested even in the healthiest of families. As soon as a family issue arises, the situation becomes tense, and the communication becomes rigid.
Family issues can be challenging, frustrating, and painful for the family problems. The little irritations of today can lead to bigger problems tomorrow. Family issues can start with buried resentments to dramatic arguments.
Family is the purest bond in the world. Everyone expects someone to be emotionally supportive to them. When we come home, we all seek harmony and peace. However, with family problems, people end up coming to heated arguments, feelings of guilt, disappointment, and anger.
Many times when a problem arises, the counter-effects overshadow the root cause of the problem. The issues that are brought up during these times were not even known that existed. The consequences of family issues are devastating. A person experiences the most intense emotions during such situations.
What are the most common causes of family problems?
Family is the support system of everyone. We all rely on our family for emotional, financial, mental, and social support. Family provides strength and unbiased feedback to us. We feel love and concern for our family members, and it is why we somehow break emotionally when something wrong happens to them.
However, it has been developed that only a few families can meet this expectation all the time. As I had discussed earlier, a family that might seem ideal from away might not be ideal in reality. They might have their own amount of stress, misunderstandings, disconnections, and disloyalty.
According to my experience, these are some common causes of family problems.
- Financial Reasons
One of the most common causes of family problems is financial reasons. In India, it is seen that most disputes arise over wealth and finances. It is commonly seen that siblings fight with one another over the inheritance of their parent’s finances. Being a lawyer and a family coach, I meet many clients coming with such issues.
Another financial problem that leads to family problems is the lack of money. A person is expected to earn and support the family finances. From utility bills, grocery bills, to rent, every basic family necessity needs finances. When a family lacks money and is unable to support the family efficiently, it leads to family conflicts.
- Staying Away from Family
One of the most neglected reasons for the rise in family problems is the moving away of children from their families. Children move to different cities or countries at a very young age for study or job purposes. When a person stays away from home for a long time, they learn to live an independent life. I have seen many children who find it very hard to adjust to their families upon returning from a different country.
They feel they are not given enough space or listened to. When they are alone, they have the liberty to manage things in their own way. However, in a family, you need to behave and work according to the family environment and it leads to bigger conflicts. Even after marriage, many couples find it hard to adjust in the families because of the carefree and independent life they were living before.
- Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is by far the most complained and common cause of family issues. Many people who come for counseling for family problem solutions have problems with their siblings. In fact, sometimes even a minor issue can turn into a big problem in the future. Parents do not realize, but sibling rivalry often starts when parents start comparing their kids.
Parents build competition between their children, and they never form a loving bond. They see the other sibling as a competitor and not a family. Be it for grades, studies, jobs, relationships, or friends, the competition gets life-long. If you wish to prevent any conflicts in the future, you have to be very careful while raising siblings.
Also, some sibling rivalries are not because of comparative parenting. In India, sibling rivalries for property and inherited wealth are one of the most common family problems. Families spend years and years over a disputed family but do not solve their family problems.
- In-Laws and Extra Interference
Many times families do not encounter any family problem unless one of their sons gets married. A family might be happy and content throughout, but when it comes to in-laws and extended families, conflicts start to arise. When a girl becomes a part of a family post her wedding, the family and girl both need to adjust and adapt to the newer environment.
However, if either of them is stubborn or too rigid to change and adjust, problems are bound to arise. The family needs to make changes to welcome a new family member and help her feel comfortable. On the other hand, the girl should also learn to respect the family values and take the new family as her own.
The constant interference of in-laws or other family members is never liked by anyone. It can lead to negativity in hearts and distance in bonds.
- Single Parent Family Problems
Single-parent families have seen a rise over the past few years. One of the most common reasons for the increase in single parents is the lack of commitment and more independence among people. Today, children are young and dynamic. They are confident enough to take their own life decisions. If they feel unhappy with a relationship, they do not think of compromising at any step.
Today, both men and women are financially independent, and so if they have to make crucial decisions such as a divorce, they think more practically than emotionally. Being a single parent myself, I know the struggles and hardships a single parent has to go through.
In fact, many times families do not support their child’s decision to remain a single parent. It creates even more problems for them, and their struggles increase even more.
- Stress in Marriage Life
Marriage is a pious bond between two individuals. When two people are tied in the bond of marriage, they dream of a happy and exciting life ahead. Things might not go as smoothly as you expect. Problems in marriages are extremely common. You might not experience them initially, but with passing time, you’ll start seeing differences and the true side of your partner.
Sometimes marriages turn toxic with time. My husband and I had a great and happy married life initially. Everyone in my in-laws loved me and respected me. However, my husband started indulging himself in extra-marital affairs. My relationship kept going toxic. We had severe problems at our family end, while we pretended to be a happy family to others. In this way, marriages become weak and boring with a time that leads to many family problems.
- Child Issues
One reason that I think often leads to family problems is the decision of giving birth to a child. Today, science has made a lot of progress, however, the inability to conceive still remains a hot topic of family problems.
Many families face problems in child-birth, and sooner or later, it starts soaring relationships. Couples have to go through a hard time emotionally, and somehow it starts bringing differences in families.
Another reason for family issues is the decision to not have a baby by one of the partners. Sometimes, the husband or wife is not ready to become parents, and it starts causing trouble in their relationship. The decision of not having or the inability to have a baby creates significant family problems.
- Parent-Child relationship
A generation gap has always been a cause of concern in family relations. Many times kids do not respect or follow their family-values or want to modernize things at their homes.
However, orthodox families ate too rigid to adapt to the new cultures and changes. Their stubborn nature often causes problems in their relationships. Many parents who come to me for counseling often complain that their children do not obey them or follow their guidelines.
The communication gap between a parent and child creates family problems in almost every household.
7 Most Common Family Issues
Each family has issues, and the sooner we understand that there is no ‘amazing cheerful closure’ of any story, the better we will be at dealing with the circumstance. Each individual has imperfections thus does each family. However, the issues you may be confronting are extremely regular regardless of whether you think you have the most exceedingly terrible situation of all.
Some common family problems faced by people are:
- Constant Arguments: Many families have an environment where argumentation is very common. An argument between two individuals spoils the environment for everyone in the family. Even in married couples, arguments are one of the most common family issues.
- Parental Restrictions: Most family fights are about kids and their raising. It begins with the decision of having kids or not and ends up in almost all aspects of life. From schools, courses, colleges, names, and lots of other things about the child.
- Work-Life and Home Balance: Another common family issue remains between the decision of giving priority to your career or family. No matter what you prioritize, make sure you create a balance and manage your time to serve both places.
- Improper Communication: Many families hardly communicate with one another. It is because of the busy lifestyle that today people hardly take out family-time. It often leads to miscommunications and family issues. Open communication is the key to a happy family.
- Stressful Member: There’s no doubt that most of the time, it isn’t the entire family, but a certain family member that stresses you out. It can be your wife, child, or extended family. If you have a personal clash, it will always raise issues in the family. If the other person isn’t ready to change, then you should change and move ahead in life.
- Home Duties: Today, both men and women are equal. Not only outside the home but also inside. However, many people expect the lady of the house to do all the household chores. It leads to a lot of chaos and problems in the family. The distribution of chores should be equal for husband and wife.
- Divorce: Divorce is not a family problem but a family destruction. It is one of the ugliest family issues. Not only the couple but the entire family has to go through a stressful phase. Even if you’ve decided to take a divorce, it is better to move ahead with things peacefully.
Effortless Family Problem Solutions
On the off chance that you are experiencing family issues that you can’t move away through, then you are not alone. Everybody endures problems when living in a family. Marrying the person you love and beginning a family isn’t a fantasy. A few issues run over the excursion, yet there are likewise a lot of approaches to deal with those issues.
One crucial way of solving almost all kinds of family problems is the adjustment. When we live in a family, each person is different from one other. Your opinion might not match the other person. But, this doesn’t make any one of your opinions better. Living in a family is all about adjustment. From sharing rooms, personal space, kitchen to sharing beds, a family is all about love.
When you learn about other family members, their nature, and attitude, it gets easier for you to live with them. However, if you remain rigid and are not ready to change a bit, then living in a family gets arduous. Parents often ignore many mistakes of their kids because they are family, and they need to adapt and adjust to each other. In the same way, if you wish to end all your family problems, then start adjusting to the people around you.
- Share feelings with each other
Lack of communication slowly destroys relationships. Families are strengthened by communication. You should create a family environment where all of you share your feelings, thoughts, and fears openly. It will create a harmonious family environment. If you are a parent and your child is too afraid to share his feelings with you, then it is a critical family problem. Being parents, you should always show support to your children so that they share their worries and mistakes with you.
- Respect All The Members of Family
I often see that parents never show respect to their children. Elders always expect that they should be regarded and respected by the younger people of the family. However, when it comes to respecting the younger family members, people do not take them seriously. No matter how you are related, when living in a family, it is essential that all family members feel equally respected and valued. It will not only solve the ongoing family problems but will also prevent any future problems.
- Family Counselling
Family counselling is the best and most effective way of dealing with all sorts of family problems. A family coach will not only listen to your problems but will also guide you about the solutions. Being a life coach myself, I have helped many families get-over their lifelong problems.
A family counselor will end your problems from the root. I use innovative and quantitative methods to help revive family problems. You may even opt for marriage counseling or parent counseling based on your needs. If you are a single parent, then family counselling can also help you deal with single parent family problems.
- Seek Help
When you acknowledge a problem in your family, you have already taken the first step towards its solution. Many families are too afraid or feel ashamed of accepting that there’s anything wrong with their families. A family issue cannot be resolved, unless you accept that a problem exists.